I’m about to become an uncle for the first time – probably over Thanksgiving weekend. My wife and I don’t currently have any kids (we’re 32). This will be the first baby among my close friends and family, actually. A few of my wife’s friends are recent mothers, so she knows the drill, but I haven’t had a lot of extended interaction with those younguns.
So what the hell do I do when I meet this baby? Honestly, I’m at a loss. I don’t find infants all that interesting, although I’m not one of those people who hates them, either. But I don’t have much experience in handling or interacting with them. I’m happy to hold them for a few minutes (or longer), avoid as much drool as possible, and pass them back to the parents.
I realize that infancy is a little early to impress a child with much beyond a pinkie to suck on, but I’m honestly a bit worried that I’m going to seem so blasé about the whole thing that I’ll offend the parents.
Any advice? Anyone who’s generally cool on kids find that they warmed to them when they were part of the family? Any advice on how to start my fun-but-beneficially-corruptive influence early?
I’m 37 with no kids, and I have a handful of nieces and nephews. They love me to be around. I don’t know why.
I take my oldest niece to movies her mom doesn’t want to see (Harry Potter, Ice Age, etc.) and we go to McDonald’s after. She loves that.
With my younger kin, I don’t see them often, but when I do I play with them. We drag out the cars or games, and I sit and play and am interested in the game/toy we’re playing with.
Truthfully, I really don’t have much to do with infants either, I really like it better when they are older. There is so much more we can do together and I don’t feel lost like I sometimes do with the younger kids. I have no idea about how to deal with temper tantrums and dirty diapers, so waiting until they are older is a good thing.
Well, first of all, the baby will not be too impressed by you either. Just hold the kid for a few minutes and tell the parents how beautiful s/he is. As far as being the “cool” uncle, you will have to wait a few months. However, the most important thing you can do is be a fixture in the kid’s life. I have three brothers and a sister. My two boys (1.5 and 3) absolutely love my sister and two of my brothers as they seem them with some regularity. They are much more reserved towards my third brother whom they only see a couple of times a year. Little kids like familiarity.
IMHO, as a baby there is not much you can do, but in my experience, as soon as he/she turns three, you can start dolling out the cash! Like it or not, handing a kid a buck everytime you see them = cool uncle, at least when they are really young.
YMMV, of course, and please refrain from the “you are soooo materialistic”, and all that, because who can tell me the uncle who gave you a bit of cash or candy wasn’t “the cool uncle”.
Make them laugh. Tell silly jokes. Wear strange clothes. Tell them secrets.
Actually, it’s not terribly important to be the “cool” uncle. Kids need all kinds of relatives. You can be aloof and mysterious, but as long as you show yourself, they’ll still love you. Kids are funny that way about relatives. So my real advice would be to be yourself. (Kids can also smell a fake pretty easily)
Change diapers, feed them, and amuse them for hours and hours on end?
Seriously, that’s a big portion of what you can do for now. It’s not always a glamorous thing trying to be cool uncle Interrobang!?, but I hope you enjoy your time with your new niece/nephew!
– Non-cool Aunt Lel
I should add…the niece I take to movies is 13, and I really only started spending time with her a few years ago. I don’t have baby/toddler seats in my car so I can’t take younger kids anywhere, and I don’t do diapers and their mom breastfeeds so I’m no help in that department either. Buying them toys instead of clothes for holidays/birthdays helps in the overall coolness area…
I would put the age that they start being fun and you can really start winning them over at 9 or 10.
I must admit, this is my biggest concern. Although I’d never actually say “Your precious infant bores me” in English, I’m afraid that my body language will make the words unnecessary. I’ve never found babies all that interesting, whether or not they’re the cutest one in the world or not.
Happily, I guess, we live in different cities, so it’s not like I’m going to be on diaper duty very often. I’ll worry about dazzling them with my charm once they get older.
As someone who has already earned the title of “cool uncle”, all you really need to do is just show interest in your niece/nephew when they get old enough to appreciate it.
My nephew likes me more so than my nieces, but that’s a factor of age. (They are 5, 3.5, 3, and 1)
One thing I’ve noticed about kids, especially when you are really tall like I am (6’5") is to play with them at their level. This means be prepared to get dust on your clothes as you play on the floor.
You can’t really do anything to impress an infant. When kids get to be a few months old, playing little games with them help them to remember you. My 8 month old loves peekaboo and things like that. The best thing you can do with a child ,say starting around 1, is to play with them on their level. Get down on the floor and play games with them. Giving attention to them will assure that you are a favorite!
Young 'uns really won’t remember you until their at least one, so you shouldn’t have to do too much to up the cool factor until then. After that, as was noted several times, is try to interact with the kid when you have the chance. Also, for my 2 1/2-year-old nephew, I’ve taken it upon myself to get him the loudest toys I can find for Christmas and birthdays (although I have resisted the urge to get him “My First Drum” so far). The most successful one was the toy chain saw–his little eyes light up every time he fires it up and starts “sawing” mommy’s leg off. Since little boys really like noisy stuff, this is a sure thing. I haven’t had a chance to figure out how to work the niece angle yet since I don’t have one. Maybe noisy Barbies…
Frankly, the wimmen folk won’t let you bath or change the baby. They’ll hardly let you hold it. Just talk to the kid in a gentle, soothing voice. Doesn’t matter what you say, just the volume and tone of your voice. And don’t bounce or rock the kid as you hold it, just sway a little bit.
“You’re so immature. All you do is cry, sleep and poop. Why don’t you grow up and act your age? What kind of surgeon do you think you’ll be if you let your binky fall out of your mouth into your patient’s open chest cavity? Do you think the other Supreme Court Justices will want to read your opinions after you’ve drooled all over them? You think cheerleaders want to date boys wearing diapers?”
I would not even hold it at this stage, as it will not remember any of it, and is liable to throw up on you. around age 5 or 6, then maybe you can start worrying about being a cool uncle.
