My Aunt is my absolute best friend in the world and it’s been that way since the day I was born. It’s arguable that she knows me better than my own husband does. She is 13 years older than me. She never treated me like a nuisance little kid, and always related to me on the same level. She even defended me when her friends bitched about me tagging along. She took me to hang out with her young, single friends, and though there was a certain amount of censorship while I was younger, once I hit age 13 there was really no topic of conversation too sacred. Throughout the entirety of my adolescence I spent damn near every weekend over at her place. We’d go out to eat, catch a movie, and talk a lot about everything. Hanging out with her was actually more fun than hanging out with kids my own age. Eventually we invited all my peers over to her place and all my friends fell in love with her too. I have never met a single individual who does not immediately think my Aunt is the most interesting, beautiful, creative, fun person ever.
My parents were not reasonable people, and she was one of the few who was willing to tolerate their shit on my behalf. Very early on she appointed herself as my guardian. As such she understands exactly where I came from, therefore when she says things like, ‘‘I am absolutely amazed at the person you have become given all you’ve been through,’’ I can take the complement to heart… she is the one person, the only person, who knows exactly what things were like for me. Her biggest job when I was growing up was acting as a positive influence to counteract my negative upbringing. I moved in with her when I was 17 and she let me stay there rent-free while I was working full time and finishing school. I was not the easiest person to deal with at that time, being preoccupied as I was with my life falling apart, but she just kept right on accepting me and loving me no matter what.
Because she’s been around for so long, in such a positive capacity, my internal voice often sounds a lot like her. I observed the way she coped with setbacks by accepting the things she had no control over. I’ve walked out on romantic relationships turning abusive without a second’s hesitation because of her example. The older I get, the more I realize how similar we are. I guess the best way I can put it is that I’ve always absolutely adored her and considered her basically the most wonderful person on the planet, but now that I’m an adult I see so much of her in myself, and it makes me love myself that much.
I think the gift of absolute and total acceptance is the best thing you can give to a child, and that’s what she gave to me. She is one of the few adults in my life who genuinely respected me. Now I am nearly 26 and she is 39. We are both somewhat recently married and in a strange way going through the same life stage. We sadly don’t get to hang out every weekend anymore, but we are as loyal to one another as ever before. When my uncle died earlier this year she drove 14 hours back home to come be with me and help me take care of my other grieving family members. I didn’t realize she’d come for me until we discussed it later, and she said, ‘‘I could hear it in your voice. You needed me, and my job is to take care of you.’’
How you do it is dependent on your own style, but one value my Aunt really had for me is that she managed to create an environment where I felt there were no rules, even though there really were limits and structure. I’m still not quite sure how she did that, but if you can manage anything close I’ve no doubt your nephew will love you to pieces.