I have my 3yo nephew for 5 days. What evil thing can I teach him to do?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My brother and SIL are going to be staying with me for five days while on vacation and I volunteered to baby-sit the devil spawn during the day. I need to teach him to do something evil that will truly make him worthy of his surname and to fulfill my duty as an uncle.

SIL was known for being a bit promiscuous prior to meeting my brother so I was thinking of having some friends over and teaching him to hug guy’s legs and say “DADDY!?”.

Any suggestions for anything better?

If it helps any, he speaks coherently, reads a few words, counts and can add single digits but does NOT dance.

2

Appliance repair

3

Teach him how to light a match.

4

armpit farts
how to belch the alphabet (or his name)

Trust me. I’m an experienced uncle and have vexed my sisters many times.

5

I once taught one of my nephews to say “Want some bourbon?” I think he was about 18 months old at the time.

6

Oh this is easy: teach him to say “DUUUUUUUDE!!!” after everyone’s name in conversation. As in "hi Mom dude, hi Dad dude - how’s it goin’ DUUUUDES??

I have it on good authority that 3 year olds LOVE learning Dude-speak precisely because of the evil power they hold over their parents once they wield it… :wink:

7

The belching is an excellent suggestion.

However, I’ve gotten the most mileage out of teaching my nephews to use electronic devices – particularly, tv remotes. And computers. And voice answering machines. Hours of entertainment for my brother as he tries to reprogram TiVO. Or fix their NetFlix account list so it isn’t all Thomas the Train DVDs.*

Mind you, he wasn’t terribly entertained at the aftermath of “let’s put staples into the computer hard drive”. But then, that one wasn’t my doing, anyway.

  • Number One Nephew is now 6, and was a bit precocious with the computer stuff.
8

Teach him to sing Lake Titicaca. This annoyed the hell out of my sister when I taught it to my niece.

I like the “Duuuuude” suggestion as well. I can’t wait for my best friend’s 6 month old to start talking.

9

Teach him that it’s proper and polite to always open one’s mouth as wide as possible before swallowing food. Lead by example.

10

Oh, I’d be teaching him some “bad” words…:stuck_out_tongue:

11

Teach him some almost bad words. That way his parents can’t really get mad at you, but you’ll have the satisfaction of hearing a 3 year old say “Wankel-Rotary Engine.” Or any time he sees a male chicken he’ll shout out “Cock!”

12

To loudly proclaim
“Boys have penises and girls have vaginas”
“who lit the fuse on your tampon”
“have you had your medications reviewed lately, I think they need adjusting”

13

Or to chew loudly and say “I’m masticating”, preferably with his mouth full.

14

Lake Titicaca was good, I enjoy teaching niecphews Copacabana just for the sheer evil of it.

I like the almost bad words, armpit belching and Dudespeak suggestions best. Have fun!

15

This thread is really stirring up the evil in me.

Start teaching him all the cadence calls from full metal jacket.

16

That is most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

This is great because my brother still puts an occasional “man” on the end of sentences despite his best efforts and it pisses off my SIL.

The belching, farting and pyromania he inherits so no need waste time on that. :smiley:

17

Remember that anything you teach him has the capacity to be passed on to the other kids in his preschool or play groups or Sunday School or whatever other toddler social set he belongs to, so it could end up causing misery for mommies and daddies other than your brother and SIL. Be kind.

18

Kind!? Kind!? I’m the younger brother, I have no such responsibilities.

19

Toy Poodle

Microwave

Creative Recipe?

Need I say more ?:slight_smile:

20

Teach him that everytime he has a question and someone gives him an answer…
Have him proclaim loudly “CITE?!” :slight_smile: