What stupid kids tricks do you teach kids?

I was inspired by this thread http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=444543 about Jedi Mind Tricks in children, to ask about other kid tricks. I’ve taught my long-suffering children to say “these are not the 'droids you’re looking for” whenever it’s applicable (whenever they’re in trouble.)

When I was a kid, my brother taught me to say " an international playboy" in response to the question “what are you going to be when you grow up?”, but I would actually say “an international playboy…and a surfer” (which was my true ambition).

So: what stupid kid tricks do you teach your, or other people’s, kids?

When my son was just starting to talk, my older sister taught him to say “Fire up Chips!” when she did (being the proud alumnus of Central Michigan University that she is).

I couldn’t resist messing with her, using my own child as the mechanism for my diabolical plan. So I re-programmed him before the next family gathering.

The next time we were all together, my sister crouched down in front of my son, cried out “Martin - Fire up, Chips!” . . .

. . . to which he immediately and enthusiastically responded in all innocence, “get a life!”

(It took her ten years to see the humor in it . . . )

It’s eighteen years, give or take, since my original dirty trick. Martin is now a sophomore away at college (not Central Michigan). Just out of curiosity, I texted him. . .

Me: “Fire up Chips!”

Two minutes later, no more:

Him: “Get a life.”

Hilarity ensued amongst Genghis Redhead and me. So I texted back:

Me: “Pavlov lives!”

Two minutes later:

Him: “Indeed”

One of my daughter’s first complete sentences was "This isn’t rock and roll! This is…GENOCIDE!!! ".

A couple of months ago I taught her 3-yr-old son to say (with fist aloft), “ANARCHY! ANARCHY!” We were walking into the grocery store at the time.

I love parenting.

Mine pales in comparison with “Genocide!” :D, but when I was a kiddo back in the 60s, my father would give me a salt shaker & tell me that if I could sprinkle salt on a bird’s tail, I could catch the bird. :rolleyes: Let’s just say I wasn’t a quick study, but it finally did dawn on me that of course! if I could get close enough to do that to a bird, I probably could catch the damned thing.

It kept me out of his hair for quite a while :smiley:

VCNJ~

I have a 5, 8, and 10 year old. When folks ask them what they are studying in school (a normal kid-friendly question), they have been taught to say “Poetry!” When they are invariably asked about a favorite poem, with true Tar Heel glee they recite…
Wake is fake.
Duke is puke.
But the team I hate
is NC State.
I realize this means little to about 99.99% of the world’s population, but in ACC basketball country it always gets some kind of reaction. :slight_smile:

My Aunt, who was 13 years old when I was born in 1983, taught me to say, ‘‘I LOVE DURAN DURAN!’’ at any spare moment.

This brainwashing actually infiltrated my dreams. I remember as a wee lass, dreaming of a giant white staircase with golden french-style doorknobs. I would ascend the glittering stair open the doors, and there would be my Aunt, chilling in her bedroom, her walls and ceiling plastered with Duran Duran posters, and she would chant, ‘‘I love Duran Duran! I love Duran Duran!’’

My daughter is just about two, so she isn’t really speaking just yet. Anyhow, since the day she was born, I’ve been telling people that as soon as she’s physically able to say it, I’ll teach her to say 'lumberjack"
"What to you want to be when you grow up?
“I want to be…a lumberjack”

When they were little, I taught my daughters to say “Woot! Woot!” while making the “raise the roof” hand motion.
My sister the basketball fan taught her daughter how to say “Arvydas Sabonis”.

Not quite a stupid kid trick, but I indoctrinated all of my friends kids and neicephews into loving Barry Manilow’s Copacabana. Since I have a big vehicle and often haul a passel of them here or there, it amuses me to have them all grooving and singing at the top of their lungs when we arrive. Great earworm to give them back to the parents infected with, too.

I have proudly taught all my kids to respond in the following “Python King Arthur” way. When I do anything that requires me to do a 1-2-3 count with my kids I do this:

Me: Ok. Ready? One… Two… Five!

Kid: Three, Sir.

Me: Three!

My wife thinks I am absolutely nuts. :slight_smile:

I love it! :smiley:

We haven’t taught the toddler anything too terrible (except to shake his finger at the cat, and say 'No, no, no, no, no, Oscar!" - which comes out more like 'Doe, doe, doe, doe, DOE, Os-cah!"), but I can’t wait to teach him stuff like this.

We’re already pretty sure we’re going to be the parents who get the calls from school that start “Mrs. S., do you know what your son said today?”.

Granted, when we were visiting my mother a few weeks ago, I ran out to do an errand, and when I came back, she said “Your son said shit while you were gone”. My first reply was “Did he use it in the right context?” :smiley:

We are freakin’ stellar parenting examples.

At 18 months when we’d ask them about their favorite show, they’d reply “Jeopa-depa-depa-depa-deeee.” (actually have that one on tape)

When they were two, I had them saying “Barney sucks.”

After watching Superman my husband taught our son “Say, Jim, that’s a baaad outfit!”

They’ve been known to ask for a “wafer-thin mint” with the appropriate accent.

Oh, and this summer when they were dancing around the living room with their little toy tambourines, my husband had them singing “Hare Krishna! Hare Krishna!”

When I was but a bratty little kid, I taught my youngest sister that flipping the bird meant “I love you”.

Hilarity ensued.

I have a friend who nearly murdered me when I taught her youngest child the “manna manna” song.

FTR, my first word was “shit”.

Mahna Mahna is only one of the songs in my five-year-old’s repertoire. :slight_smile:

He also caps any gaseous emission with “excuse me” followed by “There’s your surprise!” We’re trying to teach him not to say it outside our house.

As of late, I’ve been teaching him the University of Texas “hook 'em horns” sign. He hasn’t got it quite right, but he’s getting there.

Robin

One pretty standard game with kids around 18 months to two years is to ask questions like: Where’s your knee? Where’s your head? Where’s your nose? And the kid shows off by pointing to the correct body part.

I taught all my kids the correct place to point for “Where’s your uvula?”

Interesting follow-up. Later in life, like when they were 10 or so, I asked one or two of them and they’d totally forgotten the answer.

Double follow-up. A minute ago I asked my 15 year old “Where’s your uvula?” and he ansered by pointing, rather than saying “In the back of my mouth.” So maybe some of the learning stuck.

When righting the child after a diaper change, we sing, “Get up, stand up!” to which she replies, “Stand up for your rights!” and giggles like there’s no tomorrow.

She also says, “Later, dude.” and “Peace out.” I did not teach her those. Stupid hippie friends…

I taught my sister the F word at 5 years old (I was 10.)