How Do I Deal or the Not-Cut-Out-For-Office-Politics-Thread

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I have a co-worker who has held a grudge ever since I received a promotion (making my position equal to hers) after 4 months of employment–about 6 years ago. I don’t want to make this a pit thread because I’m not interested in pitting her–I’m interested in how my fellow dopers deal with various passive-aggressive types of people in the workplace. For a reference, here’s an example:

Day one at our annual conference: One of the attendees left her conference evaluation form in her car and asked for an extra. We had them so it’s not like it would be putting anyone out. Co-worker told the attendee no, that she would have to go get the copy out of her car, despite the fact that the next session had already started and the attendee had obviously rushed to make it in time. I gave the attendee the needed form. In retrospect I can understand how my co-worker might have felt undermined, but for crying out loud, it’s crappy customer service to make the attendee go back out to her car when we have spare forms right at the table. My co-worker was absolutely furious with me and is currently still not speaking to me. She is, however, speaking ABOUT me all over the place. “Helpful” co-workers report back to me every disparaging comment she says. I suppose the current status is preferable to her normal practice of sugary-sweet excess to my face and trash-talking behind my back.

I try hard not to get involved in office gossip. I very rarely eat lunch with my co-workers. I go to office-sponsered lunches and parties, but I don’t socialize with them outside of work. This is because I fear the office political environment. I don’t know how to navigate it. In the past I’ve just tried not to let her crap bug me–not like we’re friends. But I have to work here for at least another year (until I finish my teacher certification–my current position has tuition/fee benefits) and I hate how unpleasant she makes it. Truly. Any tips/suggestions/experiences any of you wish to share would be appreciated. How do you deal?

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I can’t help you with how to deal with an unreasonable, petty person, other than to say just do your job as best you can and be a professional. Anybody who would believe the rants of such a person is somebody you don’t need in your life, so deal with them professionally when you must. If they wanted to find out who you really are, they would, right?

I’ve just been through a similar situation. Where I work, they acqured a new department head two years ago. From day one, he decided he had something against me, and set about undermining my position. One by one, I was removed from working on projects for his department, and then he went to management and threw a temper tantrum. He told them I was incompetent (yeah, with 30 years of experience to his three…), and that I was not to have anything to do with him, his staff or their projects. They weren’t even allowed to talk to me. On top of that, he told his next most senior person that I said something about her to him, that was so terrible, he needed to protect her from me. It never happened. If I had something to say about her, I would have told her to her face. The fact is, I never had a conversation with this moron from the time he schelpped into the building. If I did, the absolute last thing I would do is disparage one of his staffers to him. But she believed him, and would not speak to me for a year and a half. See, he wanted somebody on his side to also not like me so he wouldn’t be all alone in it.

Well, as time went by, it was discovered that he was actually amazingly incompetent himself. His staff went en masse to the GM to complain about what was happening. The end result of that, and other incidents, is that he got fired two weeks ago. And you know what? The day after he was booted out, I heard music and the sound of laughter coming out of their department, for the first time in two years. And since, I’ve worked with each of them several times, including today.

The only part of this I don’t understand is why management went along with that bullshit story he told them, and was OK with removing me from all projects. That’s going to take awhile to unravel.

So, in essence, you have to do your job. You have to work around these people and do your best and try, hard as it is, not to let it eat you up, because you may end up outlasting them. If you don’t, you either have to ignore them, or have it out with them, whatever has to be done. But never stop being a professional. If your detractor can’t see it, your superiors and other colleagues will.

3

I guess I only have more sympathy than advice to offer.

My office annoyance still doesn’t even know my name and I’ve worked there for over 7 years. When the others told me what she was saying about me, I went right to my boss. I told my boss that my intentions were to avoid this woman as much as humanly possible. The only words I would say to her would involved work, and those would be the minimum required to pass along information. I also said that if this lady was on the right side of the office, I’b be on the left (we all share a common space) and that if I saw this woman heading toward me in the hall, I planned to look busy and go the other way. But most of all I wanted my boss to know what was up.

This has worked pretty well and is kind of fun in it’s own odd way- it’s a interesting mental exercise to see how little I need to interact with this one to get my job done.

After a while, this busy-body got bored with me and moved on to bug someone else. We still see each other regularly, but I’ve adhered really closely to my plan and it has worked pretty well.

4

Originally posted by fishbicycle :

Because some managers think that they have to take every whine that comes their way seriously, or said whiner will just go over their head. Don’t know how it is where you work, but that’s the way it has been most places I have worked.

Izzybella , I wish I had some great advice for you, but the truth is I am a big wuss. I was got so freakin’ disgusted with office politics that I went back to work for myself (I realize this isn’t an option for everyone, though). Now I can tell someone to go to hell if I need to…I just have to weigh it against what it will cost me if I do. But at least the choice is mine.

If others in your office are inclined to be petty and mean, they will be…no matter what you do or don’t. So just keep doing a good and professional job and try to ignore what you can’t control.

5

This is smart, in my opinion, 'cause everything you do and say is simply fuel for the fire-- and if they don’t have anything to gossip about you, they’ll make up something.

My husband has tried to take this path because he works with dozens of people like your co-worker. It’s a damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t situation. If you don’t socialize, they’ll call you a snob and if you do, they’ll pounce on your every move.

As a quick example, my husband and I went out to eat with about a dozen of his co-workers, because it was a retirement party and we kind of had to go or look bad. At the end of the evening, some of the people wanted to go out to a bar. I told my husband I was tired, but if he wanted to go, have fun. I kissed him, smiled at everyone and went home.

The next day, the story circulated that I had thrown a fit in the middle of the resturant because he wanted to go and stormed out in a huff, to which my husband supposedly repliued, “Fuck that bitch! I’m going anyway!”

Someone my husband barely knew related that tale to him the next morning at 8:30 AM. Astonishingly, the story had spread within nine hours to almost every single employee, embellished as it circulated.

So, we curtailed the already small amount of time we spent with the co-workers, and were labelled snobs who thought we were too good to hang out with the people at work.

You must accept that there is nothing you can do. There are people out there who must have conflict in order to feel contented, and will invent it if none naturally occurs.

Your only protection is competency. If your boss sees that every project he gives you is completed correctly and promptly, it’s not going to matter how your co-workers try to sabotage you. Keep your head down, be polite and professional in all situations (no matter the provocation) and do your job well. Unless your boss is an idiot, he’ll realize what an asset you are, and while he may lend an ear to those snipers because he must to keep the peace, he won’t do anything to you.

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fishbicycle, I have to say when I read about your experience my first thought was, Comparatively speaking I have NO problems at all. I’m glad things worked out in the end. What an unpleasant working situation.

Ca3799, the avoidance tactic you described made me laugh. I can totally just see that and it’s a rather humorous visual. I usually do try to avoid her, but it’s not always possible since we have to work together on occasion.

Cherry2000, thanks for the advice. I know you are right, of course. There really is nothing I can do except just do my job to the best of my ability and try to keep out of it.

Lissa, see events like that make you want to throw your hands up in the air and give up. I don’t understand the value of just making ridiculous crap up. Drives me nuts.

You’re all right. I need to just focus on my job and not get involved. That’s the easy part. The hard part is just those days when I’m dumb enough to let the crap bother me. I very much appreciate both the sympathy and the wise words. I was having a really hard day with it yesterday. It’s better today because I’m *not * letting it bother me. She’s still not speaking to me and I’m just fine if it stays that way.

7

Usually these sorts of people are recognised by most others in the office as the herpies that they are. The only danger is when they have a special relationship with a higher up (not necessarily sexual, but a relationship where the higher up is oblivious to any of the harpies faults.) Some socialising can be useful especially with those you get on with best at work, they will help protect you if the hapies lies start to cause problems.
It amazes me what sort of reasonless resentment people can feel about others that they work with.
Is it possible that your coworker is creating a so-called hostile working environment, and that this may be something worth bringing up with human resources?

8

I have some advice that worked for me. Whenever someone came to me and said “Oh, you won’t believe what Hateful Bitch said about you!” or “Heads, up, Hateful Bitch is on the warpath about you…” I asked them to stop repeating the ravings of a batshit crazy woman to me. None of her blathering ever amounted to any disciplinary action to me and she was just venting her spleen and hoping her crap would get back to me. I stopped it by stopping the middleman gossips. I refuse to hear it any more and I’m much happier for it. You have to make the repeaters aware that they’re not helping the situation at all and you won’t be listening to them any more.

9

My father dealt with office politics by staying in sales – that way he was always out of the office.

I went the other way, by simply being nice to all the different cliques and never repeating gossip (except to the boss, and then only when necessary). That earned me a reputation as someone who a) could be trusted to keep a secret and b) could be an effective back channel to the boss.

Believe me, both of those qualities have saved my ass more times than I can count.

10

I am having trouble grasping why anyone would give a shit about an evaluation form. I can’t even be bothered to ever fill them out, let alone go out of my way to get one.
It’s also mindboggleing to me the petty bullshit people involve themselves in at some of the offices people describe. I have to wonder how insignificant these jobs are that they have so much time to worry about such bullshit.

11

It seems too petty to get HR involved. Most of her tactics involve behind the back gossiping and pointed snubs. I think if I believed for a minute that my supervisor bought into her crap, I’d consider involving HR. As it happens, my direct supervisor used to be a co-worker and so she’s seen the hostile petty side enough to not be completely taken in by the ass-kissing side. It also helps that I stay on top of my work and tend to be very focused during work time. Ahem. Aside from the occasional visit to the Dope. :smiley:

12

And THAT is excellent advice I will be taking. Thank you. Don’t know why I didn’t think of that myself.

The training agency I work with requires the evaluation in exchange for the CEU certificate. Since most of our attendees maintain professional licensure in one form or another, they need their certificates. Having said that, a lot of people just turn in a blank evaluation. Can’t say that I blame them.

I would have to agree. Does seem like they have a little too much time on their hands, said the woman bitching to all and sundry at the Dope.

13

Uhh…yeah…okay…whatever that means…

It’s not an issue of having too much time on one’s hands. The problem is that some people have a role which in the grand scheme of things is relatively minor and insignificant but they take it and themselves so seriously.

One of our project managers is always going on and on about her project management certification bullshit (personally I think most “certifications” are bullshit unless it’s something like a bar certification, CPA, P.E for engineering, M.D.) and all this other crap. She’s rude and condescending to everyone. The entire firm knows she’s useless and stupid and only has one real role - filling out a calender of projects people are working on. Thats it. An admin can do that.
Best advice I can give is do your job and collect your paycheck. Don’t worry about other people’s BS.

14

Cutting out the middleman is a lovely idea.

The other thing to do is call her on it:

Get into a staff meeting and say “apparently we don’t have a policy on handing out extra evaluation forms and this has caused some confusion. I’d like to discuss what we are supposed to do if a conference attendee forgets their form.”

What happens is everyone sees how stupid her gripe is. You make the point that a three cent copy is good customer service and how you want attendees to fill out their evals. And she has to explain why she wouldn’t hand out a form she had extras of.

If she knows that her gripes are going to get a public airing, she may be more selective in what she gripes about. And it may turn out she has a good point (I doubt it, but if you take this road you have to be open to saying “I was wrong, we should do it that way.”). Don’t do it in a judgemental fashion - do it as a disinterested matter of procedure.