How do I help a friend overcome her fear of horse riding?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I know the obvious answer is “She doesn’t have to ride horses. It’s meant to be fun. If it isn’t, she should get another hobby.” The thing is, she’s determined she wants to ride, but she seems to have anxiety attacks when she gets on a horse.

She sold her last horse recently. Initially she was terrified of him, after a lot of riding she relaxed and found her confidence, but then lost it again for no apparent reason. She now has a new horse. Her first few rides on him were fine, and it looked like her confidence had returned, but yesterday she panicked again. She gave the horse mixed signals or none at all, had no control, and eventually got him so wound up she had to get off. She freezes up, her brain shuts down, and she says she feels like she’s on the outside looking in, powerless to do anything. She also says she doesn’t know what triggers her fear. It’s not brought on by anything the horse does, but of course the horse responds to her panic and starts acting up, which makes her worse. She’s never had a bad fall, never been injured by a horse, but she has other phobias that also have no consistent triggers. She feels safe on my horse most of the time, but has moments of pure fear on him as well (small children ride him, adult beginners ride him, an 85 year old lady with osteoporosis rides him, he’s pretty damned bombproof).

I’m worried for her, and I’m worried for her horse. I think she needs a riding instructor and a therapist, and I am neither. When she’s scared, she can’t process information at all, and has little control of her actions, so it’s impossible to talk her through it. She has never had lessons (and there are no riding schools nearby, so that’s not an option), and my attempts at explaining how to communicate with her horse are pretty ineffective. I don’t think there’s a shortcut to getting that “glued in the saddle” feeling, it comes from years of scary riding instructors shouting at you till your seat and aids are automatic and you no longer curl up into the foetal position when things go wrong.

It doesn’t help that my friend has very little self confidence in general, and is adding to the pressure by telling herself that if this doesn’t work out, she’ll never have another horse. She wants to get professional help to overcome her fear, but she’s not sure what kind of help is available. For the moment, my best suggestion is that she shouldn’t ride the horse until we come up with some sort of strategy. I’m all for working through your fears and getting back in the saddle, but she won’t learn anything when she’s that scared.

Any horsey dopers out there who have gone through something similar? Any non-horsey dopers with suggestions on how to build up her confidence?

2

I was going to suggest she get on a very tolerant horse (the almost dead to your leg kind) to break the cycle of she gets upset/horse gets upset. There are some out there that you have to really work at to get them upset. But it sounds like you’ve done that.

The only thing I can think of is to find a riding instructor and get her some lessons. Sounds like she needs hours on a lunge line with someone in charge of the animal other than her. Maybe a week at a place that does a horse camp for adults thing if there’s nothing in your area? Barring that, maybe she could get lessons at a place that does another discipline (e.g. if you do jumpers, find a western place). With her issues at level, riding is just riding. She doesn’t need to worry about getting a dressage seat or whatever at this point.

3

SHE NEEDS a riding instructor. There is no magic-wandy solution to this problem, it is a person way over their head. Never had lessons, not in control of her actions, non reactive and terrified… this is a serious accident waiting to happen. <rant> it wearies me how often I see this end result with the self-taught who refuse to start out with correct basic instruction. Its the equivalent of getting into a car and pressing pedals, switches, etc at random. </rant>

You need someone very experienced with fearful riders and someone who has experience teaching adults (because adults learn differently, and fear differently, than children.) Rather than looking for a kid-oriented riding school, look for a trainer who will show up and train privately on your friends property.

She also needs something like a sports psychologist who can figure out the panic attacks. Somewhere in her head she knows she is totally unprepared and in danger every time she gets on a horse. Based on what you’ve written, that’s probably more of an accurate evaluation than an irrational fear, though.

4

My suggestion would be cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to help her with what is obviously a phobia. A therapist would help her work through why she is feeling the way she’s feeling, what kinds of things she’s telling herself to make her see more danger in a situation than is actually there (or to manage the danger so she can enjoy her hobby). CBT is very effective for anxiety, panic, and phobias.

ETA: Forgot to say, this isn’t about the horse or riding, this is about your friend’s lack of self-confidence.

5

After reading what Hello Again said, go with that. She said it much better than I did.

I just popped back in to respond to this

There’s no law that says she has to ride a horse to enjoy one. If she doesn’t want to ride but loves having and caring for a horse, she can get a couple older retirees or horses that are pasture sound but not enough for riding. The horses won’t care if they’re ridden. They don’t sit around worrying if they’ve missed out on reaching their potential!

6

BTW, no matter how alluring it might seem, keep her about a billion miles away from any “do it yourself” “cowboy” style ground training that promises you total confidence with a horse in 10 easy steps (Parelli being the biggest offender; see also GaWaNi Ponyboy; Monty Roberts; etc). These charlatan cowboys prey on the middle-aged terrified female horse owner, convincing them that they DON’T need the one thing they DO need – riding instruction – because the horse will Magickally Luv them if they wave a $40 stick at them and put a $100 halter on them and of course its all about how much the horse Luvs you.

Ground training can be very valuable, don’t get me wrong. But it should be taught by a qualified trainer, not some 4 part video series at the low low price of $1200 (going fast!).

7

Thanks, guys. I agree that she’s putting herself (and the horse) in danger. I also think needs an instructor. Most riders here are self taught, when I moved to the area I was surprised to see a lot of good horses that never get ridden because the owners are nervous. There are plenty of people around who think they could teach riding, but there’s a vast difference between doing and teaching. The local riding club bring in instructors for lessons a few times a year, I’ll look into that. Going away to horse camp might be a good option too, but it would have to be the right one, I’ll start asking around.

CBT sounds interesting, and one of my colleagues knows a sports psychologists who may be able to do telephone consultations, so we’ll look into those two options as well.

MaddyStrut, the thought has occurred to me, and her horse would probably be happy to spend his days playing in the field. Maybe thinking of it that way would take some of the pressure off her and help her relax.

HelloAgain, you’re right on the money. I gave her the anti-Parelli talk last year (she has the dvds). I don’t know anyone who has been helped by their methods. I don’t care if my horse Magickally Luvs me, I’m not going to tickle him with a stick with a feather on the end.

8

Toodlepip, where do you live? (City, state, or region). I might be able to suggest some resources for instruction.

I’d suggest she read through the Pony Club “D” Manual and begin the most elementary excercises (at the walk and halt only) from 101 Arena Exercises by Cherry Hill.

If you know how to lunge, and you are willing to lunge her on your horse (who sounds like an old saintly fellow!), take away her reins and give her a grab strap to hold instead (an old English stirrup leather round the neck works pretty great).

9

Another voice chiming in to say: horse rescues are full to the gills with horses that aren’t rideable for one reason or another. She can still have a horse buddy, someone to feed apples to and feel horse breath on your hands and all that nice stuff.

10

Hello Again, I’m in the Outer Hebrides of Scotland. A flight or a long ferry trip from anywhere exciting.

Lungeing is worth a try, and my horse IS pretty saintly, bless him, she would be safe enough. Taking away her reins means one less thing for her to worry about, but I guess I’ll find out how much she trusts me! Or I could put her on a lead rein, she might feel safer having someone walk next to her.

Thanks for the book suggestions, too.

11

BHS lists one BHSI intructor in the Outer Hebrides. Her website is here: http://www.dianazajda.com/HOME.aspx

I would also contact the Western isles Pony Club, and find out who they’re using for lessons and ratings. While an adult over 25 is not normally permitted to join Pony Club lessons, if the club is bringing in an instructor, you can “piggyback” and schedule lessons for the same time, kind of take advantage of the fact they will be there any way.
http://www.cne-siar.gov.uk/education/inclusion/csdDetail.asp?csdid=19

For horse lesson camps I have heard only excellent things about the quality of instruction at the Yorkshire Riding Center. The Bartles are supposed to be amazing at all levels. I don’t know if a full-on horsey vacation is something she would consider though.

12

holy shit, people buy that pony boy twaddle?! If I saw a commercial for that on TV I would double check to see if Saturday Night Live was on because that sounds just like the garbage that they have as their fake commercials …

13

Chiming in here with what worked for me—a kind, understanding trainer, someone who’ll understand what kind of fear she’s dealing with and work with her. That’s what I had to do. I hadn’t been on any horse’s back since a bad fall in 2001, and was thisclose to selling my horses and just leaving the horse world altogether. I finally decided enough was enough and did some homework, then found a trainer that I could work with. Diana got me back on a horse, back on MY horse, and back into just riding for the hell of it.

Tell your friend that she CAN do it :slight_smile:

Edit: Parelli is a fucking idiot. That is all.

14

I’ve owned horses and have been riding for the past 35 years. I’ve trained horses and given riding lessons for many of those years.

Here is my best advice - Fear of horses and riding have been the cause of many accidents. If you’re afraid, horses can certainly pick up on this and act accordingly. NOT GOOD. With that said, my suggestion is she needs to spend more time on the ground with the horse before she even attempts to ride again. Lounging and ground work would be the best place to start.

You don’t say how much training the horse has. Your friend needs to learn how to lounge her horse properly, learn how to teach or give the horse voice commands AND have them obeyed and how to handle him safely - all on the ground first. All of this would be best accomplished with an experienced trainer if at all possible or someone with riding/handling experience. Once your friend gains more confidence in handling her horse on the ground, then she can think about riding again.

Good Luck to her.

15

I hope I’m wrong, but it sounds like your friend has underlying anxiety issues. Treat those, and then worry about horseback riding. At the very least, treat them concurrently.

I am the rankest of beginners when it comes to horses and riding, but I feel almost obligated to repeat that the way it stands now is going to lead to somebody or some animal being seriously injured.

16

Ditto on work on another anxiety issue first, with less physical risk involved. The techniques are fairly transferable and should make it easier to work with where more control can occur about the situation causing the anxiety.

Panic doesnt generally come out of nowhere, often part of working on this issue is identifying the signals and/or cues that are being missed, and its kind of hard to do that on top of a horse.

Otara

17

Does that include exposure therapy? Because that really works for phobias, as long as you don’t get someone who thinks flooding (overwhelming the person with too much of a phobic situation all at once) works.

18

Tiny nitpick (pet peeve, sorry I can’t let it go by)

Longeing. or Lungeing.

Not Lounging.

19

:D:D No offense taken! That’s what not enough sleep will get you. Wish I could edit it… Darn!

I’m a bit of a nitpicker, too. My sister and I used to drive each other crazy about all the little things. Now her daughter is the same way. The one I see in posts that drives me nuts is when “your” is used when it’s supposed to be “you’re”. Drives me crazy!!!

20

I think she should see a professional about her anxiety problem, and couple that with some riding instruction, and a really calm “bomb proof” horse.