We were just talking about this in my LifeRing group last night. I’ve never had a problem with telling people I’m a recovering alkie. I think this stigma associates itself more with men than women. Kinda like “what’s the matter with you”?
I, too, will order a tonic & lime, but I enjoy the taste - it’s not to fake anyone out.
I’m actually proud of the fact I don’t drink. I can’t fathom why every stinking social activity must include alcohol. Aren’t people happy enough without it?
In Australia it’s common even for drinkers to not have a drink if they are driving. I went out with some people after work yesterday, all I had was a lemon, lime and bitters because I had driven to work and was driving somewhere after our drink. No one mentioned it and in fact one of the women in the group who loves a drink didn’t have one for the same reason.
VCO3, this is probably going to be less of an issue than you think. I don’t know how big your office is, but there will most likely be others there who aren’t drinking either, for any number of reasons. (They’re driving, pregnant, on medication, dieting, whatever.) I don’t ever recall being asked why I’m not drinking, at least not since I finished college. It seems like it would be especially inappropriate for people to ask in a work-related setting, since the answer could be something you don’t want to share with your boss or co-workers.
Club soda and lime is my non-drink drink of choice as well. Not sweet, no calories, and classy-looking.
My 9th grade English teacher gave us a talk about this before holiday break. She said if you walk around a party with the same drink all night, no one will know or care that it’s the same drink and no one will know or care that you aren’t drinking it and no one will bother you about not drinking.
I thought it was pretty cool of her to even broach the subject to a bunch of 14 year olds, and it was good advice for all the loser-dorks who weren’t already drinking.
I am an alcoholic who has been dry for over 13 years. Maybe it comes from living in ultra-polite Canada (Canadians are the only people I know who apologize when YOU step on THEIR feet, like it was their fault for having feet) but I have NEVER, EVER been hassled or even asked why I don’t drink.
But for the really nosy person, and in light of the OP’s reasons for not drinking, I would say that any of the following responses would do fine, and are totally honest.
Health reasons
Personal reasons (If they insist, repeat with a heavy emphasis on PERSONAL)
I’m not one of those people who enjoy alcohol. . . . I wish I did but I don’t.
Remember that the ones who hassle you are likely to be people with drinking problems who are aware deep down that they have a problem but are refusing to face it. By not drinking, you threaten them.
Ann Landers, who I believe died without ever tasting alcohol, used to say something like this to any real pest: “Your drinking is perfectly all right with me. Why does my not drinking offend you?”
I doubt if most people need that strong a response, bu you coulod have it in reserve.
No, no, no, you misunderstood the warnings! You’re not supposed to drink and drive at the same time, not altogether, silly. 
I agree that a simple “I don’t drink” should be a satisfactory answer, but if you’re worried about being branded a party pooper and / or being taken for a recovered alcoholic, you could also try “I’m in training.”
I don’t drink at all. Nothing. And I’ll tell people that. When someone asks me if I want to go out for drinks I’ll say sure and end up ordering a soda or something. If they ask if I want to get some beer, I’ll say ok but I’ll just order soda again. If they ask, I merely say “Oh I don’t drink.” If they persist, then they get the honor of hearing about my near alcohol poisoning of New Years Eve 2002 which completely turned my stomach against alcohol for life. Along with every little detail about what I drank, how much, and how much came out of both ends the next day. Usually shuts them up.
The bar I frequent is full of alcoholics who don’t drink alcohol. Nobody would question why. They drink NA beer or water or whatever they feel like drinking. The purpose of social settings is to have fun. If I’m flying and I go to an airport with a bar I’m limited to whatever is stocked at the bar. I usually get a Sprite with a lime wedge (mmmm). Plenty of NA drinks out there to wet your whistle.
You should never feel awkward about your choice of drinks. It becomes awkward if you try to hide it or justify it. You have to understand that it is a fairly normal occurance to buy a round of drinks so if you refuse (to avoid drinking alcohol) then you’re sidestepping a courtesy. The courtesy is a round, not a round of alcohol. It’s not like you have rabies and can’t drink fluids. Have fun.
I’ve rarely been asked why (once by a recovering alcoholic who was looking for moral support, I think), but when it happens, my usual line is: “ask me that again in an hour.”
Usually that’s the end of it, and people forget. If not, an hour is always enough for one person in any large group to start getting obnoxious; I point at them and say “that’s why.”
(Real reason: I can’t stand the taste of alcohol. There was a thread here a while ago that noticed that dislike for the taste of alcohol was strongly correlated with a dislike for the taste of hot coffee. I never developed a taste for either, and see no particular reason to do so late in my fourth decade.)
Count me in among the people who think (or would have thought, before I read all the responses from people who apparently get asked why they don’t drink) it’s not going to be that big of a deal. Since this is a new job, perhaps you don’t want to come across as a smartass to anyone, but I personally like the “Why DO YOU drink?” response that someone suggested.
The only time I’ve been tempted to ask someone why she didn’t drink was when I was inviting her to dinner at my house, because although we do usually serve and drink wine with dinner when we have guests, I figured that SkipMagic and I could easily forego it if it turned out that she was in recovery or something. In the end, I didn’t ask (I didn’t feel like I knew her well enough), we didn’t drink, and a good time was had by all.
My father used to offer to buy the first round and he would go to the bar and set it up with the bartender. This was years ago and the only one I remember was a “blue horizon”.
Remember, however, this was in the 1950s when everyone drank and no one was alowed to not drink. He would also actually order a burbon and water and carry it around the coctail parties he was at for hours at a time, subtly pouring it out little-by-little on unsuspecting house plants. He told me one time he was worried he was single-handedly making the world’s spider plants alcholics.
For parties he would do something I have taken to when not drinking. He would take over the bar and mix drinks for everyone else. You get to visit with everyone, keep busy and drink whatever you want to drink and everyone assumes you are drinking the good stuff and it frees the host to mingle.
TV
…One would hope.
Just say, “Oh, I can’t. Terms of my parole, you know?”
Tris
Tell people you’re already drunk. They will be amazed at how well you carry yourself when blitzed!
Hmm. I’ve never had anyone ask me why I don’t drink. And I shamelessly order soda without caring who might overhear. I suppose I’d say something like “I didn’t know it was mandatory.” Or else just give them a blank stare like I didn’t understand the question.
I generally just say straight out “I have to be in the mood for alcohol - and I’m not in the mood”. But I like Kat’s answer - I’m going to keep that as my backup response in future!
I can only recall one occasion where I was given a hard time about it. A co-worker kept trying to badger me into drinking - coming back again and again over the course of the evening. I eventually snapped something to the effect that “while *some *people clearly can’t get through a simple 3-hour function without alcohol, it doesn’t have the same fascination for everyone”, glared, and stalked off.
Um, yeah. Way to win friends and influence people. :rolleyes: Not one of my classiest moments.
Of course the cool excuse would be, “I can’t drink I am flying a plane tomorrow.” I think in Australia you have to be dry 24 hours before piloting a plane.
No, no, silly. We apologise for getting in the way. 
I almost never get hassled for not drinking alcohol. As others mentioned upthread, I get more hassles for not eating cheese, and my vegetarian friends get more hassles for not eating meat, than we do for not drinking alcohol.
I do drink and occasionally get hassled when I just want a sober night. I order a sprite or tonic with cranberry juice deliberately to look like I’m drinking, and since I normally drink gin and tonic with a splash of cranberry or a vodka cranberry, it works for those who know me. I also do this when I’m drinking but need to slow down (though most people are okay with a switch to water without hassle and accusations of being a party pooper).
Another excuse that occasionally works is the diet excuse. For some that’s worse than just not drinking, but if said with good humor can work. People who sneer at anything with carbs or calories because of their diets are no fun either, so this only works in certain company.
All that said, in most cases the simple “I’m not drinking tonight” (again with the open ended “tonight” rather than “ever”) is the best answer.