Sounds like my type.
astro, that was totally hilarious. I very rarely actually laugh out loud at things I read on here, but when that sound popped into my mind, I lost it.
And Lizard, astro is absolutely right: People placing/answering personal ads try to put their best foot forward. I.e., this is her best foot. If her profile was really that fabulous, wait a week and then answer her and apologize (trouble with your ISP or something) and see if she’s still all loopy.
But if it were me, I’d be making that Hanna-Barbera “Exit, stage left” sound.
I vote for #4, and I’m a woman who would really like to find the right one and get married some day. I say run, run for your life. clingy needy people of both sexes are not good.
Could it just be a fluke and as someone said she’s just not good at writing? Sure, but heck, YOU sound fairly intelligent and able to get your point across in writing. Do you want someone that different from you on the verbal skills possibly intelligent level?
Do YOU want five kids? FIVE?? (yikes).
Someone lining out their life in the very first email? Sounds scary to me.
But, that’s just mho.
Run away.
Any woman who outlines her need for five more children (since the first two didn’t make it) in an amount of time equivalent to a handshake has issues.
Would you date a girl who walked up to you and said, “Hi, my name is Kandy! I lost two kids to a horrible disease and I’d like five more, and I’d also like to get married really soon because life’s too short to wait around, you know? My grandmother just died and I want the same kind of love she had.”
Probably not, right? But that’s pretty much what she did. There’s a time frame, people…you don’t spill your guts to strangers you just met unless you have issues.
Another vote for #4.
[sub]Unless you’re just morbidly curious, in which case I say email her back to see what the hell else she may come up with.[/sub]
The woman seems a little OTP. I’d just make up some excuse and blow her off.
I’d say try 1 for a while and see if she acts more normal once she has more than a few DAYS to come to terms with what happened.
Grieving a death can make people act very different than how they usually are (I acted nothing like myself in the months after my dad died). It’s possible that her grandma’s death has made her start freaking out about dying alone with no one to love her, and that’s why she wants people to know she is looking for something serious.
Actually, I don’t think it’s really all that weird to be upfront about your relationship/children goals. It seems like it would be much more scary/weird if she was acting like YOU are the one she wants to marry already, but there’s no indication of that.
So that is why I’d say give her a little time. She might turn out to be a true weirdo, but I don’t think you really have anything to lose by talking to her a little more as long as you use common sense (don’t give her your home address or home phone no. right off the bat, for example).
I believe that for children to have full sickle-cell anaemia both parents must have the gene, so if she’s saying they got it from their father, she either doesn’t have a very good understanding of the disease or she’s being deliberately misleading. On the other hand, if Lizard isn’t a carrier of it (ie doesn’t have the recessive gene) then any offspring from that particular union would be fine. So if you want five kids, you can get your genes tested to be sure, then go right ahead 
This link seems to have a fairly good summary of the disease and its implications. It confirms something I vaguely remembered, which is that it’s the carriers of the gene who have extra immunity from malaria. I don’t know how long someone with sickle cell anaemia would survive without medical support (ie in the conditions when the disease first emerged), but the decreased risk to malaria seems to have balanced out the risk of 25% of one’s offspring dying in terms of natural selection.
The site does say that with modern medical treatment, most sickle cell patients live to be 40-50, so it seems she has been very unlucky. My vote is torn between giving her a while to see if she calms down and becones more normal (bearing in mind that she does sound like a lady with a lot of problems), and running for the hills.
Run.
Run like the wind.
Just a dissenting view here. While I can see where most of you would view her ‘overly familiar tone’ as a bad thing, I think the woman is just sick and tired of playing the game.
It sounds like she’s still grieving, but I wouldn’t count on the grief to be the only factor. Some people are just more open and upfront with their lives, right off the bat. I know that I personally don’t consider the information she disclosed to you to be TMI, even for a first email. I mean, the entire purpose of the dating site you found her on is to find someone with which to have a relationship, right? How would you like it if she had waited until after you decided you were in love (or deep like) to disclose this info? Best to get it out of the way right off the bat.
You haven’t yet answered what you’re looking for, though, and that’s the issue here. If you’re just looking for someone to have fun with, then just ignore her. If you are looking for a possible serious relationship, then I think she sounds like a very emotionally open and honest person, and that’s never a bad thing in a relationship. That being the case, I’d hate to see you cut her out because you have issues with ‘overfamiliarity’. It just reeks of superficiality to me, is all.
Well, that’s assuming I know what I’m looking for, which is more than I am willing to say about myself. She actually said, in a portion of the e-mail I didn’t quote, that she is a very upfront individual. Of course, in my opinion, that doesn’t include mentioning your dead children and desire for marriage in your first e-mail. I don’t call it “superficiality” when another person’s words or actions make you uncomfortable, like hers have me.
Besides, as someone noted earlier, meeting members of the opposite sex, through any medium, involves putting your best foot forward. I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who would like to believe we all desere to have everyone try to see our inner beauty. To them I say “want to buy some land in Florida?”
This doesn’t mmean I’ve made up my mind, I just don’t buy XJETGIRLX’s argument. It is not superficial to expect certain types of behavior from people in specific situations. It’s perfectly reasonable. The question is not whether this woman is off-kilter; she clearly is. The question is, how much might her grandmother’s recent death have caused this situation? Is the liklihood of that so great that it’s worth givng her a chance?
Woah, so just because she doesn’t conform to your idea of reasonable courting behavior she’s a nutcase? Because she (unlike you, I might add) knows what she wants out of life and is not afraid to be honest about it, she’s “off-kilter”?
Sorry dude, I don’t buy that. Sure, there may be a lot more to the story than what you’ve posted here, but it seems to me like you’re afraid of her honesty and you don’t know how to deal with it. It doesn’t mean she’s nuts, it just means she’s got the balls to say how she’s feeling and what she wants.
Well, that’s assuming I know what I’m looking for, which is more than I am willing to say about myself. She actually said, in a portion of the e-mail I didn’t quote, that she is a very upfront individual. Of course, in my opinion, that doesn’t include mentioning your dead children and desire for marriage in your first e-mail. I don’t call it “superficiality” when another person’s words or actions make you uncomfortable, like hers have me.
Besides, as someone noted earlier, meeting members of the opposite sex, through any medium, involves putting your best foot forward. I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who would like to believe we all desere to have everyone try to see our inner beauty. To them I say “want to buy some land in Florida?”
This doesn’t mmean I’ve made up my mind, I just don’t buy XJETGIRLX’s argument. It is not superficial to expect certain types of behavior from people in specific situations. It’s perfectly reasonable. The question is not whether this woman is off-kilter; she clearly is. The question is, how much might her grandmother’s recent death have caused this situation? Is the likelihood of that so great that it’s worth giving her a chance, despite her strange behavior?
RUN FORREST - RUN!!!
She might have gotten 100 emails from her ad and over 90 of them from guys just looking to get laid
Now she tells people what she wants right up front and why…she COULD still have a screw loose but just going by that email you can’t really tell
As far as the anemia thing goes she’s letting you know if YOU have a potential for this disease she ain’t the gal for you
Not as tactfully written as I would like but all the information included is pretty pertinent…she wants something long term, wants kids, and doesn’t want to go through losing any more to that disease
How is that bad?
Well, first of all, your are misconstruing what I said. “Off-kilter” is not analogous to “nutcase” or “crazy.” If I had meant nutcase or crazy, I would’ve said nutcase or crazy. I meant she seems to be out of sorts, compared to her profile, for whatever reason.
And your’re right, she doesn’t conform to my idea of reasonable courting behavior. We all have standards, you included. (If some guy you’d never met walked up to you and said, “Hey, let’s go screw” would you cheerfully agree, and just think “My, how admirably direct of him!”?) My standards are no higher than average in this regard.
And you are also correct that I am slightly afraid of her and not sure how to deal with the situation; however, that is her fault, not mine. Like I said, it is not unreasonable to expect peoples’ behavior to fall within a certain range. You can argue with that expectation all you like; you won’t change it any. She is well outside of that range. I have no desire to be roped into a relationship with someone who would have a negative impact on my own life, for whatever reason. That’s just looking out for myself, and it’s not being unreasonable in the slightest, either.
No, it’s not her fault.
It doesn’t sound at all like she’s trying to ‘rope’ you into a relationship. And if you’re really intimidated and unsettled by her then why are you even asking for advice? It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind not to give this girl a second thought. Just don’t respond to her and leave it at that.
Yes, it is. I in no way asked to hear intimate details of her personal life. She volunteered them, and shouldn’t have at this point.
**
I didn’t say she was trying to rope me in. No matter how that happens, I don’t want it to happen. And are you really criticizing me for asking for advice?! Wasn’t it you who implied it would be superficial of me “to just cut her out”? You can’t have it both ways. I have not yet done that, anyway.
I can’t imagine having two children die and being anxious to have five more. That sounds pretty insane to me.
Run. Run fast and run far.
Be afraid. Be very afraid.
So far you know several things about her for sure -
[ul][li]She considers the recent death of her grandmother to be light, first-date kind of conversation.[/li][li]She wants a long-term relationship, and five more children, and told you about it. Before you have even had coffee with her. [/li][li]She claims to have had two children die young from a disease that most people who have it don’t die young. [/li][li]She apparently does not know that sickle-cell disease comes from two parents who both have the gene (it’s recessive). So she is either lying about the two deaths, or didn’t learn very much from them.[/li][li]Her profile isn’t anything like what her e-mails make her sound like. [/li][li]You haven’t even met her, and she is making you uncomfortable.[/ul] Safe to say that she is likely to have what are euphemistically referred to as Issues.[/li]
A very wise piece of advice from my old Shodaddy - “Never get involved with a woman with more problems than you.”
What astro said.
Regards,
Shodan