[QUOTE=gigi]
The OP doesn’t say if they were actually baptized Catholic, but if not then it’s pretty clear they wouldn’t go up for communion.
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I’m not baptized, husband is, but I’ve gone often enough to church that I know not to go up for communion.
Thanks to all for answering my questions – it has been very helpful.
Given the denominations you list - Unitarian Universalist, Episcopalian, UCC - it seems pretty clear that your interests lie on the “liberal” end of the denominational continuum. IME there are far fewer of this type of congregation around than more mainline protestant churches. So your choices will be significantly limited geographically. There will probably only be 1 or 2 or each denomination that are within realistic distance for you.
One thing I’ll point out is you need to decide whether a required belief in a particular God is a deal breaker for you. If you believe in God and prefer to church with fellow believers, well, you might rule out UU. If you are open to “spirituality” absent belief in the supernatural, UU may be your best choice.
IME, there is a lot of benefit to attending a logistically convenient church, especially if you are going to be hauling kids to RE calsses and activities. There are also benefits to attending a “community” church: you are more likely to see fellow members elsewhere than in church, it will be convenient to stop by for reasons other than sunday sermons, etc.
Get info on what the kids’ RE program involves, and seriously plan out the time committment you wish to make. For example, we found it best when church had kids’ RE at the same time as the service we wanted to attend. At times when our kids attended RE at 2 different times, or later in the afternoon, it was much more of a hassle to have to drive 20 minutes for every obligation.
I would recommend researching the nearest congregations on-line. It is quite common for churches to post recent sermons, calendars, groups and committees, classes, etc. Then you and your husband can either attend singly, or get a babysitter and attend together. I’d just go and sit in the back. Personally, I probably would not wear a visitor name tag - but if you do, that is proably a good guarantee that some friendly sort will talk you up after services.
UU churches - and I believe many others - have coffee between services, where you will be able to ask questions of members. And realize that the makeup of different services may vary. Generally, the earlier services are attended by older folks.
Disclosure - My wife and I were raised catholic and lutheran, and have attended UU churches for the past 15 years or so.
We are in the unfortunate situation of being equidistant between 2 UU churches. So both require 15-20 minute drive, and neither qualify as a “neighborhood” church.
IMO, UU churches generally have excellent kid’s RE programs - tho some aspects of them have been controversial. They do more “comparative religion” studies than most christian churches, and offer “quasi-sex ed” for older kids. Undoubtedly not everyone’s cup of tea.
Final thought - when we were researching churches, we were quite attracted to the local synagogue, but talking with the rabbi it became pretty clear the whole God-thing was a dealbreaker for us. But if you can stomach a God, you might want to add some liberal synagogues to your list.
If it is important to you that your children be happy and grow up with the faith that you have (or perhaps cultivate by attending church) it may be extra important that you seek a church near where your children (will) attend school.
I know several families who have either switched churches to make it easier for their children to attend church with their friends, or not done so and lived to regret it as the now grown children have limited interest in attending church and seem to have limited religious belief.
One can over-rate the importance of passing on one’s religious beliefs, especially if one isn’t sure what one’s beliefs are, but making one’s children as happy as one can is a reasonable goal in church-hunting.
Unrelated to the above, but bugging me from certain other posters’ comments
Yes, sometimes churches do things differently during Advent (or Lent or summer) than they do other times of the year. This doesn’t mean you need to wait until the holiday season has passed-- especially if you like singing religious Christmas Carols, or would enjoy a “Cantata” sung by a choir. Just make sure that you re-visit any desirable seeming churches after Christmas to see if you still like them in January. And, you can always re-visit bad ones, especially if bad means “too formal” or “too much traditional music” to see if you like them better in January.
Really, it’s ok to visit and visit and visit. In fact, there are churches that don’t do membership at all-- and others that do but have a handful of highly-involved frequent attenders who aren’t members for a variety of reasons.
My experience is that UU churches are “drop-in” friendly. I’ve been to at least two (one East Coast, one West Coast) which provided tea/coffee after services. At both it was made clear that if you were visiting and wanted to be approached for discussion, take THIS kind of mug. If you just wanted to observe and be left alone, take THAT kind of mug. Handy little system.
Anecdote. I was on a work exchange program in England and had been attending Unitarian services there. I had been in England for a few months, so when I saw someone vaguely familiar at church, I assumed I had encountered them somewhere in London. It turns out that I recognized them because we had attended services at the same place in California, and they were visiting London and decided to “drop-in,” same as I had. So I really think just showing up won’t faze Unitarians at all.
Welcome, Sister! I hope you find a fellowship of faith in your own community. Look for the people in your community that act in the way you associate with the Lord’s love and will. “By their fruits shall you know them.” The building they meet in is not important, nor is the name on the sign out front. Get to know the people in your town who give what you know to be true charity, and unfailing kindness to those in need. Seek out the giving hearts, and the workers in the field. When you find them, come to know them with your heart, not with your intellect.
In other words, those you see acting as if the Lord was with them every moment are the children of God. They will help you follow Him, not a doctrine or a theology. Christ is in your heart, already. Finding a good church is a matter of following Him, and then looking around to see who is with you.
Joy to you and yours, Sister!
Tris
[QUOTE=Dinsdale]
Final thought - when we were researching churches, we were quite attracted to the local synagogue, but talking with the rabbi it became pretty clear the whole God-thing was a dealbreaker for us. But if you can stomach a God, you might want to add some liberal synagogues to your list.
[/QUOTE]
Why on earth would an unbeliever (and apparently not a Jew, either) would envision joining a synagogue (or a church, for that matter)??? Isn’t it quite blatantly obvious that the “god thing” would be an issue ??? 
:dubious:
For the “spiritual” stuff without the “God” stuff.
Yes, I don’t understand it either. But then, I don’t understand so-called Catholics who get into fistfights over which village’s image of Our Lady is most miraculous, either.
I am Episcopalian, and all you have to do is show up with your kids. There is never any pressure to join, and you can come back as many times as you like. Your kids will stay with you at the service, and will not be sent to any Sunday School. Give the Episcopal Church a try, I think you will like what you find.
[QUOTE=clairobscur]
Why on earth would an unbeliever (and apparently not a Jew, either) would envision joining a synagogue (or a church, for that matter)??? Isn’t it quite blatantly obvious that the “god thing” would be an issue ??? :dubious:
[/QUOTE]
When you are a nonbeliever who desires a church community, your options are quite limited. There are many aspects of jewish “philosophy” that greatly appeal to us. Perhaps chief among them was the contrast to a trend we perceive and dislike among many christians to essentially “tolerate” life on earth in order to get to paradise in the “afterlife.”
Also, the synagogue had the benefit of being nearby, and we were really impressed with the rabbi. And, some folks (not you?) are able to distinguish between cultural, religious, and “ethnic” jewishness.
Heck - I’ve got a buddy at work who I consider a very orthodox jew. Yarmulke, beard, strings, prays several times a day, kosher, strict sabbath and holiday observance, won’t shake women’s hands, etc. But in his opinion, he is simply a “jew.” And tho in his mind he doesn’t really have a problem with “reform” and other more liberal jews, in his mind they are not truly jews. Which I believe a whole lot of jews would take issue with.
Not saying we seriously thought it would likely happen, but it was something we looked into. Heck, UUs allow jews (however the individual wishes to define his “jewishness”). Thought there might be some kind of reciprocity! 
And since the OP did not state her views on divinity, I thought I’d offer it as food for thought.
Since we were making a decision on something with respect to which we were largely ignorant, we tried to have an open mind and cast a wide net, if anything, erring on the side of openness. And IME it is not at all an unusual thing for individual congregations to conduct themselves in a manner that is largely at odds with what would be expected from the history and stated principles of their denomination.
I’ll just echo that it’s fine to shop around. When my husband and I were looking for a church, we attended one off and on for a year and never joined, then visited several more, then found our current church and attended for about 6 months before joining.
Our denomination often has books to sign in on (one in each pew, usually done during the offering) and you can put your name and address or contact info there if you want, or check off options to get more info. I don’t know if this is common in other churches but it’s an easy way to request info without calling around. Most churches will have some sort of welcoming or enfolding committee that is used to dealing with visitors and people who want to know more about the church.
Something else to find out is what the church will require of you to join. Some will require you to confess or profess your faith in a ceremony or become baptized to officially join, and some may want you to tithe or pledge a suggested amount, but if money is a problem most will not push that issue. Most will let you attend as much as you want without joining.
I love the church we are part of now but it took us a while to find it, so take your time and find the one that is right for you.
While I guess it’s not specifically relevant here, I always thought a good way to join a church would be to go to mass and when the collection basket came around, dump about 5-10 pounds of weapons inside. There should be some wicked-looking flea-market knives, brass-knuckles, a black-jack or two and maybe some martial-arts weapons. When the Deacon looks up at you (and he will) just look him in the eye and tell him you want to ‘Find God’ and give up your ‘sinful ways’.
I figure that such an act might show that you are serious in your commitment to the church with the added benefit that no one will lean on you too hard to work the ‘Tricky Tray’ or the ‘Easter Breakfast’, let alone beat your kid with a ruler. 
getting up early on Sunday morning is the deal breaker for me. And the anjxiety of being the new visitor to the close knit church family. Blending in with that particular sect, it just doesnt come natural. I could do Catholic, was baptised but to sign the contract with a church to really belong. Nah. So we try to be children of God nonetheless.
[QUOTE=chela]
getting up early on Sunday morning is the deal breaker for me.
[/QUOTE]
I feel your pain there. I’m Jewish, but rarely go to synagogue, because I need the weekends to catch up on sleep. Fortunately for me, there are a lot of ways of being Jewish that don’t involve getting up early on days when I don’t have to work.