i have this bad habit - whenever i think or get anxious, i tend to stroke my hair.
it has been years and i do want to stop it. I’m male and i feel effeminate doing this - looks sissy as well, but stroking my hair does give me some solace and a calming effect.
any solutions how to kill this behaviour?
Shave your head.
Find something else to stroke - a white cat maybe? Or, given your name; a small furry bear.
Seriously though - how about keeping a small piece of furry material in your pocket as an alternative.
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This is probably going to be more advice than factual, so let’s move it to IMHO.
Moving thread from General Questions to In My Humble Opinion.
If you’re Catholic, you could carry a rosary and handle it when you need calming down. People will just think you’re quite religious. Or get a rabbit’s foot keychain and see if that’s a good substitute. Or just forget about how it looks and keep doing it- who cares what people think?
The title of this thread shows up on the forum page as “how do I stop stroking my …” I think that filling in the blank is probably an interesting psychological test.
Convince yourself it’s your ‘tell’. Like when a poker player telegrapgs to the other players the nature of the hand he’s holding. Only it’s not your money but your life that’s on the line. Like you’re a spy or secret agent who’s identity must NOT be revealed!
If your secret identity rested upon not revealing yourself, you might not stroke your hair quite so unconsciously !
Just an idea, Good Luck!
Yes, that will certainly remove the anxiety he feels when he needs the calming effect of stroking his hair.
Amputations.
I play with my hair, too, curl it around my fingers. I tried to stop this habit once and my aunt laughed and told me I was doing it in the cradle. Hmm.
So I’ve never been able to stop it, but I have been able to curb it severely. Keeping hands in pockets helps. Carrying things in your hands helps. Constant distraction - pay attention to yourself and everytime you stroke your hair, do something else. I’m sure the rabbit foot will help but maybe not always in the pocket? People might think you’re playing pocket pool. :eek:
Clearly this is the only solution. Once the OP cuts his head off there won’t be the temptation to stroke his hair. Still gonna play with his wiener though but that’s not a “sissy” behavior.
Which hair are you talking about?
A rosary as someone suggested, or worry beads.
Stop being anxious. Just try to relax another way such as taking deep breaths and stretching.
I have issues with skin-picking, and I’ve been able to cut down on them by keeping my hands busy. Maybe you can keep toys at your desk that you can fidget with? Koosh balls are really good, provided you’re not in a strict corporate environment that would frown on that sort of thing.
You could also consider getting a “spinning” ring. It’s like a regular ring, with a movable center section. When you get the urge to adjust your hair, play with the ring instead. Most of the spinning ring designs that I’ve seen are unisex or masculine.
Good luck!
I use a kind of “self-hypnosis” on things like this. The first step is to be hyper-aware of what you’re doing. Not just, “I’m stroking my hair,” but “I am aware of the fact that I’m stroking my hair. I know I’m doing it right now.” Don’t allow yourself to do it unconsciously, but become super-aware of your doing it.
Then associate that behavior with changing it. A rosary is a lovely idea, or steepling your hands, or pattycake with your knee, or something other than what you don’t want to do.
Make “A >> B” a reflex. You’ll spend shorter and shorter times doing A, and eventually move directly to B.
Of course, B – fiddling with a rosary or steepling your hands – might become your new obsessive fidget, so try to choose wisely.
ETA:
Really super suggestion! I want one of those!
I agree with the advice to deflect the urge onto something that isn’t so obvious and potentially unattractive to others. Maybe wear a ring that you could remove and rotate between your fingers. Or carry a small polished stone in your pocket that you could take out when the urge hits. Just make sure it’s small and don’t make noise with it (e.g. tapping it on the desk) and it won’t seem nearly as fidgety as the hair stroking, in my opinion.
This is an actual condition, and if you can’t control it, you may need professional help.
I had a college friend (ironically, his name was also Teddy) who had a bout of trichotilomania. Being college punks, we mostly thought it was funny; we shaved his head and forced him to wear an “anti-twirling device” (aka, a hat). The result was chewing hair off the back of his hands, pulling at arm hair, and occasionally “pube twirling.”
In our defense, we were making light of it because he was dealing with a relationship that had gone badly - sort of one of those 18-year old meltdowns when you realize that what you want isn’t what you get. Of course, having people take note of your weird pattern of various bald spots doesn’t help things…
