Aw, man, alice…that sucks! Wish I lived closer so that I could come over and help out. As others have said, keep plugging away at doing only what you absolutely have to do. And keep trying the bottle with Junior from time to time. Kids change their minds pretty often.
In the meantime, keep venting here and…keep knitting when you can! 
The most serious study I could find doesn’t seem to be complete, but here’s a post about it(skip to the last two sections).
Hugs.
GT
My answer to the title of this thread was “see a counselor or therapist”, but I think my answer to the rest of the thread is that you are most likely bummed about your life, and if the bummage doesn’t improve when your life does, then you should seek a counselor or therapist.
I’m sorry about your dad’s health issues, especially the timing.
I am sorry about your Dad. My Dad died when I was 13 years old.
It sounds like you have situational depression and not PPD. Anyone in your situation would be depressed. You are going through a lot right now.
Your MIL is acting like a douche bag. At least she got you an xs sweater though be flattered. When I just got home after my c-section and came down stairs after taking a shower my MIL told me that it looked like I was still pregnant.
Anyways I have PPD and the major symptoms for me were crying all the time. Feeling really anxious all of the time, feeling worthless, feeling like my life was over etc etc.
I have 3 kids. I have a 7 1/2 year old a 3 year old and a 1 yr old. My 1 yr old who I love more than anything was totally unplanned so that made my PPD even worse. I went though hell and am still going though hell with my PPD. My husabnd doesn;t help me at night either and my kids with the exception of the 7 1 /2 year old don’t sleep through the night.
You should go see your Dr. and describe your feelings. Perhaps you will need some meds to get you though this time.
Hugs:)
Alice are these the same in-laws who took you, a vegetarian, to a steak-house for your birthday? What a couple of princes.
I’m sorry you’re going through all this :(. I hope it gets better soon.
I don’t think it’s PPD. You have a lot of stressful things going on in your life. Don’t make things worse by getting worked up about things that don’t matter, like the sweater. Inappropriate gifts are a fact of life. Sure it would be great if she put some effort into it, but didn’t and from the sound of it, probably won’t in the future. It’s nothing to lose your shit over. Make it a source of amusement to yourself. She gives you sweaters that are 3 sizes too small? Fine. Mr. Snowman in the front yard will look great in it.
Over and over you keep trying to get people who really have no interest in helping to try and help, meaning your BIL and MIL. Asking your BIL 20 times to do something they are clearly not willing to do is pointless, unless the point is to frustrate yourself. Same with your MIL. She is offering to help in word only, not in deed. She has no intention of doing anything. Don’t continue to put yourself in that cycle; false offer of help, you taking them up on things they have no intention of doing, you getting frustrated and upset. Lather, rinse, repeat. Why keep putting yourself through that? So you can prove to yourself over and over that they are useless? They have made that crystal clear already.
Your dad isn’t going to be around that much longer, and even though it might not be satisfing for you to watch him sleep and not talk with you, you can still talk to him. I honestly think in the future you will regret not spending that time with him. I think it’s unreasonable that your mother expects you to be there all day every day, but it’s not going to be for much longer.
If you can’t depend on insiders (your husband’s family), get help from outsiders. Perhaps a neighborhood teen or tween would walk your dog for a half hour for a few bucks. A one time cleaning service would get the house in shape so it wouldn’t be so overwhelming, and would give you a head start. You can’t get to the dishes for a week? No problem. You pick up some cheap paper plates, plastic cups and sporks the next time you are at the store. No more dirty dishes in the sink. Problem solved. Why continue to exhaust yourself and put more pressure on yourself?
I feel for you, I really do, but don’t get in your own way. You have too many other important things to be doing right now, meaning your baby and your father.
Okay, it definitely sounds like you are overwhelmed at the moment. It’s completely understandable, given what is going on. It doesn’t sound like PPD, though. To me, at least.
I have a 9 month old, and I get overwhelmed at times, and I don’t have half of what you have going on. You really do have my sympathy.
My only real advice is to perserve getting your baby onto a bottle, so that someone else can take over feeding (EBM or formula). I had exactly the same problem; a baby that would only take the breast, and refused any bottle with screaming and crying. It was heartbreaking to hear, and kept me tied to the baby all day and night. Sometimes this just isn’t good for your mental health, no matter how much people tell you it should be the most rewarding thing ever.
I tried all the usual tricks - different bottles, and other people trying to give it to him. Nothing worked. What did eventually work, was finding the right bottle (My First Years Breastflow - I have no idea if you can get this as I’m in the UK, but it has an inner and outer teat that mimics BFing) and ME giving it to him. I would start feeding him as usual, and when he had had a reasonable amount, I would slip the bottle in, in the same position that he would normally feed. And he would take it!
It did take a few weeks before anyone other than me could give it to him, but we started with my husband giving him a bottle at his dreamfeed at 10.30. He was too tired to really notice what was going on. We built it up so that eventually anyone could give him a bottle.
It gave me some freedom back, and some sanity. But it took trying something that was the opposite of what everyone else advised (ie me doing it rather than get someone else to try the bottle).
I have no idea how to deal with the MIL issue (or rather your husband’s response to the MIL issue), but I do feel that if you could just get a reasonable break from the baby, you’d feel so much differently about things. It really helped me to know that the baby wouldn’t die if I couldn’t make it back in time!
Please go easy on yourself. You’re dealing with a shitload at the moment. A new baby is hard enough without everything else.
Agreed. Your in-laws sound like assholes, and I would just stop interacting with them except when absolutely necessary if it were me (not criticizing you for tolerating them).
Agreed on this, too. A kid came to our door after one of the last snowfalls and wanted to shovel our walks; I usually do this myself, but it was cold out and I was tired and we had other stuff to do, so I gave him ten bucks and he cleaned them in about five minutes (man, teenage boys can shovel fast!).
Here’s a link to a site for help around the house if you want to advertise to get a bit of help. You could also try a local church - they’d probably have lots of kids who would like to help with a baby or a dog.
ETA: Also try your local community centre - they have all kinds of programmes going on through them - there might be one or two that you can use.
Yep - that’s them. And it was because my MIL wanted to try it. She’s just very - unpleasant.
CatWhisperer I do appreciate the idea of not spending too much time with them; however, they are Junior’s grandparents. My BIL, despite being a dick about the dog, is actually wonderful with the baby. If I thought it made sense to cut them out completely I would but I don’t think my discomfort with my MIL makes if fair for me to limit Junior’s pool of people.
Regarding the help - I appreciate the suggestions - I really do. Honestly though, I’ve moved past that now. I don’t need help cleaning my house - I need for my dad to not by sick and my MIL to not be a cow and my baby to not have a cold (now - poor punkin!)
The thing is, it’s just not the stuff in this thread that’s getting me down - it’s easy to say ‘Don’t let your MILs meanness get to you.’ - Well, hubby and I have been together for 4 years and usually I don’t. This year though, in addition to everything else, both of my cats died (they were really old), I had a TERRIBLE pregnancy, I don’t recognize my body or my face and I feel hideous, ugly and old.
With the birthday, my so called BFF still hasn’t given me a gift because she 'Couldn’t make it to the store." (My birthday was a month ago). My brother, SIL, and the kids gave me a Loews card because my brother screwed up the lists - my HUSBAND was hoping for a Loews card for X-mas so he could buy tools. What the hell am I going to do with a Loews card? Answer - give it to my husband so he can buy tools.
The thing is not that any of the issues I’ve posted about are deadening by themselves, it’s just all rolled together it’s really starting to get to me. You know - like death by a thousand paper cuts.
Anyway - I really do appreciate the nice thoughts from people.
Ah, got it. Vent away, my dear. 
You know, I don’t normally do this, but in this instance (and because I’m a new mother too, and therefore an emotional basket case) I’ll make an exception…
{{{hugs}}}
Spend some time feeling sorry for yourself, and hopefully come out the other side with a few ideas how to deal with the things that are really getting you down (that you *can *do something about).
If it helps, I have useless in laws too (they came over to us a few days after my son was born and my FIL sat outside in the car and didn’t even bother coming in. Didn’t want to meet his new (and only) grandson). Plus a husband that doesn’t deal with them as I would like (assertively). Some days it gets me down, other days, I let it wash over me.
Nine months on, I still feel fat and not-of-my body, too. It’s not nice. I get that too. I’m still working on how to deal with that.
Good luck alice. I’m glad you’re talking it through here. Hopefully some of the pressure will subside and you can feel a little better!
It does sound like you’re just overwhelmed at the moment and don’t minimize the fact that you’re not getting as much continuous sleep as you probably need. It’s easy to get overwhelmed when you’re physically and mentally exhausted.
Best wishes dealing with everything. This too shall pass.
!!!:eek: That’s…really awful. Did anyone ever ask him what his problem was? I mean, my inlaws are a bit stunned, but at least they were keen to meet the baby. That’s the thing - MIL will help by holding the baby, and playing with the baby, and refusing to give the baby back when he needs to nurse, she just won’t do any of the work-y type help. What’s up with that??
Yah - I’ve pretty well decided that I’m going to have to get a tummy tuck - I mean, I’m losing weight nicely but my stomach is - hideous. I can actually grab handfuls of skin and pull them out from my body. EEEEEEWWWW. Thing is, we’re planning on having a second baby in about 2 years (well, assuming everything goes well, right?) and there’s no point in in getting surgery just to stretch everything out again. So, I’m stuck with this grossness for at least 2 years. Ugh.
You know, I really can’t explain. OH’s family is…weird. We once didn’t speak to my husband’s brother for 2 years because of how he acted at our wedding. Or rather, because of how he dealt with my husband after my husband politely enquired as to why he was acting like he was at a funeral when he was at our wedding. My BIL basically just refused to talk to him about it, and that morphed into us not talking altogether. We’ve learnt not to question their behaviour as it gets us worse than nowhere. I have struggled to deal with my FIL since I got pregnant (after 3 years of trying and IVF we finally shared our good news with them, only to have my FIL not even acknowledge what we said - literally! He didn’t look at the scan photo and didn’t make eye contact with us, just stared off into the middle distance. It was truly bizarre).
Now that my son is more engaging, he does get some attention from FIL, but it’s not exactly the relationship I’d envisioned all those years ago. It’s really more sad for my husband. My MIL is mildly enthusiastic, but not what you would call hands on or helpful. Whenever they visit we have to entertain them. Not what you want with a new baby - you want someone who pitches in and makes their own damn cups of tea!
I’m not even losing weight! I found breastfeeding increased my appetite so much I put weight on! If we’re lucky enough to be able to have a second child, I think I will deal with the whole thing after that. Trying not to stress about extra poundage at the moment. Easier said than done, when most of the poundage is in my boobs. Everyone told me they would shrink whwen I stopped breastfeeding. Um, not yet and it’s been a few months. What’s up with that?
Seriously - my MIL expected me to make her birthday dinner for her when Junior was 6 weeks old. Sure - 'cus I don’t have anything else to do!
God - where do these women come from??
Seriously?
I’m also thinking that perhaps they feel bitter that they didn’t get any support when they had kids, and somehow taking it out on us makes them feel better? Just a theory.
Did you MIL breastfeed? Mine didn’t, and I don’t think she really got how time consuming, tiring and generally tying it is.
I still recommend that you try to get junior to accept a bottle as a worthy substitute. Getting a full night’s sleep was a godsend to me, and being able to let my husband get up with my son and give me a lie in…I felt guilty at first, but now I am able to just enjoy it.
Ladies, I’ve been told it can take up to a year for our bodies to recover from pregnancy (hormones, etc.) Just settle in for the ride!
Sounds more like situational depression than PPD. Your dad is dying, you have a new baby and you’re naturally exhausted. Oh, and your MIL is a … yeah.
IANAD.
(hugs) I’m so sorry about your dad 
I think a babysitter is in order, pronto. Find someone you can trust and use 'em - even if it’s just for them to come over for a few hours so you can take a nap, or go to a movie or something. You’ve GOT to take care of yourself or you won’t be of any use to anyone else.
Well one stressor has been resolved - my dad died today. He was at home surrounded by family - my mom was rubbing his hand and I stroked his hair and he died.
Alice My heart goes out to you. {{{{Alice}}}}
Here in what should be a great time of getting acquainted with your baby, you have been stressed over your father.
Your father was obviously a great guy to have raised a daughter like you.
I will raise a glass in his honor tonight.
I wished I lived a bit closer, I would gladly babysit on a Saturday so you could get some well deserved rest.