So sorry to hear this Alice.
Aw Alice, I’ve been reading since you posted and I’m so sorry to hear this.
I want to give you a bit of advice whenever you have the time to come back to this thread - don’t feel guilty if you feel relieved. Because you and your mother have been carrying a big burden, and now it’s gone, and it’s normal to feel relief, even though the reason it’s gone is awful.
I’ve had similar problems with Ben. I don’t really buy the “trying” thing. I don’t “try” to get up, I just do. I don’t “try” to do laundry, I just do. And he’s the one with the job (a suit and tie job though, so probably not as demanding as your husband’s) but I bet I log way more hours of work per week than he does between meal planning and shopping and cooking and bath time and feedings and homework help for the older one (the baby isn’t even three months but I have a seven year old as well) and that doesn’t even cover cleaning which I’ve been slacking on a lot lately because I just don’t give a shit anymore. I just don’t. And that total lack of give a shit contributed to the fact that I had to switch to formula after just 8 weeks which, after I got over the shock and grief of it (it was pretty terrible for me; I felt like a total failure as a mother), turned out to be a godsend because now other people can feed him and I don’t have to. Anyway, I told Ben all this and he stopped “trying” and started doing. Everything has gotten better since he realized helping me helps him out a lot, too.
Re: MIL. Mine pissed me off recently because I only just figured out how to make my back not hurt (my hips got jacked up in pregnancy so I do PT stretching daily now) but, before that, I just walked around miserable for 2 months. After we visited her a few weeks ago, she blasted me on Facebook because I wasn’t as chipper and talkative and whatever as I usually am. This was actually the second time she had done that but I missed it the first time because she doesn’t talk about me specifically but she’s stupid and transparent and, even if no one on her friend’s list knows what she’s blabbing about, I do. So I haven’t talked to her since. Problem solved. If Ben wants to visit, that’s on him. He can take the kids and I can take a nap.
Oh, I should have kept scrolling before replying…
Poor alice. 
I can’t imagine.
I’m so sorry for your loss, alice. You and your family are in my thoughts.
Oh, Alice, I’m so sorry to hear this. Big hugs to you and your family at this time. I’ve been thinking about you.
Sorry for your loss.
And this is why I love the Dope. Now, Jimmy, you be a good mini-concierge or I’ll send you the Mom Squad, and you really don’t want to meet the Mom Squad.
Alice- I’m so sorry for your loss.
If you can, hold on to the good.
FWIW I think you MIL is working out her own issues with you in a wholly nasty, passive aggressive way.
Think of the XXS sweater as free wool. Frog it or felt it and make it into something nicer.
Can hubby take junior for the day at the weekend, while you go to bed? He can bring him up every 3 hours for a feed, otherwise you sleep/knit/read/cry/whatever. You could do with the downtime.
I’m so sorry for your loss, alice.
Hugs.
GT
I am all for this except for the ending a sentence with " OK". It takes away from the request with a passive, wishy washing ending. " I’m exhausted, I really need a full nights sleep you are on baby duty tonight if that is alright with you..but its ok if it isn’t.."
And then in the AM, you kick him out of bed and you can ignore the baby (it will be difficult, but the baby will never remember and your husband will never forget) so you can sleep. He needs to man up and take responsibility. He will probably go lay on the couch with your sprog and sleep after feeding. Men’s idea of baby watching are much different from womens. As long as the baby is fed, clean and safe, that is all that matters.
I am so sorry you are going through all of this ** alice**. Not many people with a new baby volunteer to do death duty. 99% of the people out there use that as an excuse to sheild themself from something unpleasant on their personal radar. (My SIL uses her 4 kids and her husband as an excuse not to help out with her parents. Her husband wears the pants in the family and will take the blame in the nicest way for keeping her from her dad’s hospital bedside to take his wife and kids on a vacation. I haven’t spoken to her voluntarily since that event.)
By doing what is right and not very happy, and very sad and heartbreaking and a walk through Suck City, you are showing your true mettle. You haven’t run. In real life, we don’t get to face the hordes of Zombies with only a baseball bat and our BFF at our side. We get death duty. With no swelling music or kick ass sound track.
I know. I’ve been in a very similar spot where you are at.
You are a better person for what you are slogging through and while it sucks right now, it will get better.
ALso, regarding the gift and future gifts from your MIL: Anything someone gives you is a gift to you. If you do not like it or it does not fit or WHATEVER, it is yours to do with as you please. Your only responsibility is to thank your MIL. One of the most theraputic things you can do is after receiving another crapacular gift at a birthday or xmas party is to donate it on the way home at the local Salvation Army.
(My MIL, bless her soul, is addicted to the AS SEEN ON TV shit. I have no need for any of it and my husband doesn’t have the balls to tell her she’s wasting her money. (actually, I think he might have told her, but she doesn’t listen.) so, this stuff gets offloaded BNIP.
Also, if you think you need help, go talk to your doctor
Alice, my condolences, hang in there. Lots of love.
My condolences on your father Alice. This can’t be easy for you.
Thank you everyone for the kind words.
I am utterly heartbroken.
hugs I’m so sorry Alice 
Oh gosh, I was all set to post then saw your sad message about the passing of your Dad. My sincere condolences.
I’m so sorry. Please do whatever you have to right now in order to take care of yourself.
Oh Alice, I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself.
Alice, I’m so sorry. You’re in my thoughts.
One thing you said pinged me: your MIL won’t help you, but will help your husband, as long as it’s something for him. Would you be up for having him sneak in requests to her, couched in language that it’s helping him in some way. “Ma, could you come over and walk the dog? I’m stuck on this really huge project at work and can’t get to it like I’d like.” “Ma, could you make me a casserole? I’ve taken over cooking 3 nights a week, but am stuck on this really huge project at work and don’t have the time but still want something healthful for my family.” Maybe if you could get him to ask him mom for help with some things, for his benefit, it’d work - you’d still get the help you need, MIL gets to do something for her baby boy, win/win.
Maybe. MILs are tough business - I know mine gives me the screaming meemies every now and again. Anyway, it’s a thought.
Take care, and all my best.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Alice.