How do long distance online relationships work out?

In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)
1

I’m rather curious about those online relationships that work out well- culminating in actual meetings and positive experiences together.

Things haven’t seemed to work out for me, and actually it seems like using the Internet is more of an impediment by finding people I like who live prohibitively far away. This past year there have been two people I met through messageboards, and neither one culminated in an actual meeting. In retrospect to both of them I feel like no matter how charming I was, it wouldn’t get the other person to think any differently, and while they were waffling on the decision, there were people in my own hometown who were coming and going, possibly missing opportunities while seeing how the long-distance thing pans out.

What do you do if you are in an online pseudo-relationship, but then you meet someone else in real life who lives in your own town who is also interesting? Do you hold out for the online person?

What about talking to someone online makes you comfortable in potentially meeting them? Do telephon conversations help?

The prospect of falling in love with someone online is an amusing yet unrealistic fantasy in my mind. I know it works out for some people, and I know there are married couples on the SDMB who met here.

2

Well, I didn’t meet my wife on the SDMB, but I did meet her online. We both posted on a Buffy board, and were introduced by a mutual online friend. We were separated by a continent. That didn’t stop us. :smiley:

3

Well, I met my husband here on the SDMB, but I don’t think I’ll have any helpful advice or input.

The prospect of falling in love, period, was an amusing and unrealistic fantasy for me before I met him. And I was 100% fine with that. I’d dated plenty of hometown guys. I just never met someone I felt comfortable sharing my life (and my children’s lives) with.

And then I met him. And I can’t describe it, other than he was him, you know HIM.

It just happened that we met online, on a message board. It’s completely possible that we never would have met. Maybe there was another HIM out there, who knows, maybe not.
My husband and I did have plenty of phone conversations before we met, and each one left me feeling more and more out of control of my emotions, something I was kind of not used to, when it came to men, anyway.

But, I’m not sure that had anything to do with agreeing to meet him in person (because I knew I would.) I mean, people meet their spouses in all kinds of places everyday. They don’t always agree to meet somewhere, they just do, it’s just chance. We ‘met’ here. We talked, we met in person, we talked more, etc.

I do hold a special place in my heart for the internet, and the SDMB specifically, for meeting my sweetheart, but, I don’t give it any more credence than any other place when it comes to meeting that certain someone.

It could happen anywhere. At anytime.

4

It depends, hon. How serious is the online relationship?

I met my husband online. We were friends first, but when things started heating up we KNEW, ya know? We kind of had an idea we were going to get married before we met IRL: basically it was a given provided we met IRL and discovered the other wasn’t a serial killer.

In my situation, had I met someone IRL I would have turned him down because I was already in love and knew my man was about to move to be with me, etc.

In your case, I think you should play the field. Until your online woman is ready to move … or you’re ready to move for your woman … there is NO need to tie yourself down to a person who is hundreds of miles away that you’ve never even met yet.

I think there should be several phone conversations before the initial in-person meeting. It’s nice to match a voice to the name and face, and you can cover more ground on the phone in shorter time than you can online.

5

In my case, we found ourselves talking online every night, just because we found one another THAT interesting. We talked on the phone for the first time when he found an old phone card that needed to be used up, and liked it so much we did it again… and again… and sometimes for, say, six hours at a stretch… and eventually as often as we could. He started talking to all of my friends, everybody liked him and wanted to meet him, and he started coming to visit.

After a while, it became obvious to everyone who knew us, including the guy I had been dating before, (who really should be nominated for some sort of sainthood) that we should just go out already. :slight_smile:

6

sigh Well, I guess it would be more realistic to call it an online friendship. The woman in question really ‘clicks’ with me, though. I mean, I’ve been around women I found attractive, but in this case there is something that really feels…right. The problem is the feeling isn’t necessarily mutual :frowning:

She’s an awesome person to talk to. I honestly messed up by saying too much about my feelings for her, and it kind of overwhelmed her. At the time, I was extremely high-strung from the stress of projects and auditions and finals and work, and also being lonely for quite some time, so I suppose I wasn’t in the most ideal state of mind. I’ve kind of snapped out of it. I still have strong feelings for her, but I’m a little more realistic about it. I’m ok with calling it a friendship, because I’m not going to be so cold as to abandon things when they don’t go the way I was hoping. Who knows what will happen. I’m off school now, and have a bit of a break, which is nice.

I knew that other people had online relationships that worked out well. I guess it would be unfair to compare their circumstances to mine, but I was simply curious about it. So much of my life lately has been trying to level out myself from extremes- my poems are too prosey, my essays to abstract, I’m unconciously pushy to some people and a doormat to others :smack: I’m working toward equilibrium here :slight_smile:

7

I met my wife online (Virtual Places I believe). It can happen, and it’s a good way to get to know someone because you tend not to be hampered by such superficial things as appearance. That’s a two edged sword though as it is still important to be physically attracted to your partner.

As far as choosing between an online girl vs a here-now girl, so long as you are unaware of what online girl’s feelings are, you should probably consider it a good friendship and go for a date or two with here-now girl.

8

Let me go ask my neighbor whose ex-wife he met over the internet left him for a woman :wink:

Yeah I’m not making this up