How do we choose the surname for our new baby?

In My Humble Opinion
21

Wow - much to think about here. I’ll have my wife read this and see what she thinks about the whole thing…

One last point - I’ve heard that there can be difficulties at borders sometimes if you and your child don’t have the same last name (questions of parental abduction etc.). Is this actually an issue, and if so, I wonder if it could be handled by having a ‘birth certificiate’ name and a name in regular usage (ie. compound on the birth certificate, but single in the world)?

Thanks all for your thoughts on this!

22

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ANYTHING can be an issue at border crossings; the slightest tic can have border officers huffing and puffing and sticking you in a room for nine hours while they try to figure out the slightest deviation from the norm. Border officers often don’t even know their own rules; my best friend and I were once detained by a border officer who did not understand that you can actually be a dual citizen and wanted us to produce “discharge papers” because we’d been in the army.

If the husband and wife don’t have the same last name there will be complications. Oodles of complications. Accept it. If you want to have different last names you’re gonna have to live with confusion. If you don’t want confusion, have the same last names. There’s no way around it anytime soon.

23

I work in a dental office, and have seen the confusion that results in parents retaining their given surname when they marry and have children FAR more than I want to. Hyphenated names are sometimes a pain too, but if both are short, it isn’t a problem. We had some patients who hyphenated their kids names and both parents had 10 letter surnames. It didn’t fit on our “Last name” line…WAY too long. So I ended up using the first part of the last name as the middle name, the last part as the last name. Now, it is always a bit of a pain to find the kid’s charts. BTW, both these kids had 8 letter first names AND a middle name. Now I ask you, is that fair to the child? Lets call the boy Nicholas Evan Williamson-Octavisham…that’s not his name, but the same amount of letters as his. Poor kid.

Then we had some other patients who ended up marrying each other. He had one of those “if that was MY last name I would change it!” last names, and she felt that if either of them were going to give up their last name they BOTH should. So they did. The chose a completely different last name and they seem quite happy with the decision.

Then we had the patients who kept their own names upon marrying, but chose a completely different surname for their children. Mom Smith, Dad Jones and Boy and Girl Brown. Unique solution.

I had a friend who hated his surname, and when he married he took his wife’s name. His surname was Teats.

So my opinion is this…I think if you are going to have children it is easiest for everyone in the family to have the same name, no matter WHERE you got it from. But if that isn’t acceptible to your wife, she wants to keep her “maiden” name, how about this…give the child your last name, and get HERS legally hyphenated? That way, it should be clear to anyone who wants or needs to know that the kids are both of yours. Might make things easier for the children in the long run.

I have kind of an unusual opinion on the whole name thing. See, during the 70’s, when the “Womens Lib” movement was raging, the emphasis on keeping your name was presented as “If I take my husband’s name, I am losing my own identity.” And I have no problem with that, if that is how you feel. But for ME, it made no sense in that the emphasis on your name NEGATES your identity. You are who you are, and if your identity depends on keeping your name, then what does that say? After all, your surname was presumably your father’s name anyway, so… I am not sure if I am explaining my opinion very well here, so if you care and you don’t get it, please ask me to clarify. I am who I am, and no matter WHAT name you call me, I am still me and a strong enough ME that it doesn’t matter what name I use.

If I had married and intended on having children, I would have taken my husband’s name…just for the sake of the children.

Okay, I’m done. :smiley:

Scotti LongWinded

24

I meant to say…

Congratulations on your impending arrival! If you wait until Feb 18, you can have her on my birthday and name her Cheri Longwinded…even if she is a boy! :smiley:

Sending a prayer for an easy pregnancy and delivery for your wife, and for a healthy and mellow baby. Please keep us posted?

25

Thanks for the kind words Scotticher - he/she/it is due on the 17th, so you never know… though I think Rubbermaid (Mrs. Demon) might have her own naming ideas.

It’s odd, this message board stuff - nobody but our doctor knows we’re expecting yet - we’re waiting until after the first ultrasound to tell family and friends, and now a few hundred anonymous strangers know…

As Schotticher suggested, I’ll update this thread when we’ve reached our final decision, in case anyone’s on the edge of their seats :slight_smile: .

26

I am! I LOVE babies!

27

But if you insist on having the wee bairn on the 17th, that’s okay. It is my parent’s wedding anniversary and they were happily married for 58 years until we lost my mom to cancer. So that HAS to be a lucky date, right?

28

We have three kids. Two have my name, one has their mother’s. First, pick a good first name. Then pick the last name that sounds better with it. This will only work if you’re going to have more than one child.

29

Yep. I also know a couple who did that. Neither one of them were fond of their original surname, so they made up one of their own.

30

Wait, in the United States, as soon as a woman marries her last name legally changes to her husband’s last name, or is it a legal process where she decides to change it?

31

That explains why I keep getting mail addressed to Ms. Karl Mom’slastname instead of Ms. Karl Dad’slastname-mom’slastname. I know it is difficult to distinguish between the middle name and the last name, but in the case where you are making a medical record file, couldn’t it just be easier to ask the parents? I understand that my second last name sometimes doesn’t fit, so I use my first last name only(yes, I have two, unhyphenated last names, but they have to be hyphenated in the US so they don’t get confused).

I think I understand it (in a way). No matter what they call you, it’s just a name, and your personality and thoughts don’t depend on the name…right?

My last names indicate both of my grandfather’s last names. They don’t say who I am, but in what place I belong. Those are the families I belong to, the places where I feel at home. If I marry and take my husband’s last name, what happens if we divorce? But it’s harder (in my families’ case, mind you) to be excluded from the family than it is to get divorced.

32

Karl, in the U.S., when you file the paperwork to marry, they ask if you’re changing your last name, and if you are, it’s handled with the same paperwork. If you do not change your name but decide to change it later, then you file separate paperwork. (It’s very simple to do, you do not need a lawyer.)

33

Ok, thanks…so it’s not automatically, the perso has to decide whether to change it or not, ok…