…which I’m totally cool with, but does anybody know what type of conventions there are for naming children?
We both have surnames that sound clumsy when double-barrelled, so we’d rather not go there.
I’ve contemplated various options - Child A is my surname, Child B hers, A mine again…or boys my surname, girls hers. None of which sound cast-iron to me.
Another I thought of was keeping our own surnames, double-barelling the kids on the birth certificate, but allowing the kids to address themselves with whichever they prefer (which is probably a dumb idea!).
Could chop and mash the names? Say your surname is Johnson and hers is Carter you could have the kids be Carson (or Johnter).
Decide between you if either of you desire MORE for the child to have their name as a surname, then give all children the same middle name (e.g. the surname of the other parent).
Go for a nordic naming convention and call sons “Maldenson” and daughters “Fianceédottir”
Some days I think the Spanish convention of using the father’s name followed by the mother’s is stupid (what’s with all these name? My sis has 5!). Some days I think it is wise.
FTR, we followed the Spanish convention when naming our daughter. Her passport had to be issued three times because the clerk didn’t know where all these names went (we did it by mail).
Christ, no, it’d be a mess for school. It would make your family sound like it’s a combination of two, when it actually isn’t.
I’d go for parental surname, and I say this as a woman whose culture double-barrels. Since yours doesn’t have (I assume) mental, legal or computer spaces for several lastnames, just pick one; paternal will be more in following with the usual custom.
<Yourkidfirstname> <Hersurname>< Yoursurname>. And practically there could be some issues (not major ones mind you) if the kid has a different surname than yours, because school authorities and others might think you are the step father or the flavour of the month.
The issues could be pretty bad, I would definitely advise not to give a child a different last name from either parent. You will be creating 18 years of headaches and annoyance, be prepared to have your parentage questioned by all manner of officials and to have to produce birth certificates etc. Any unusual circumstances will just make it worse, like say immigration etc.
Basically you will create doubt anytime you claim to be his parents, why would you want to do this?
We hyphenated the kids, which they’ve been completely happy with. They also know as adults they can drop a name, no hard feelings. They have used both last names through their lives (both teens now).
We’re lucky since oth our names are short and sound good together.
ETA: in 17+ years since my oldest was born, we have never a sidewise look or problem from any type of official questioning our connection to the kids. The hyphenation has been a nonissue for all of us, and we talk about it with the kids a lot over the years to make sure they’re ok.
Its not that unusual for women to keep their maiden name, but how many kids do you know that have neither their mother or father’s surname?
Basically every single “gatekeeper” will wonder WTF is up with that? Even if they don’t verbalize it they will think it, it isn’t right and doesn’t make sense it is just how things are.
Its different with women. You expect to see kiddies with women. Not the case with guys as such I had problems convincing a humourless official that my same last name nephew was properly with me.
ETA: IvoryTowerDenizen case appears to be one like what I suggested. People are used to seeing maternal paternal surname combo (hyphen or not).
I think that if you’re both really attached to your names, the only “fair” way really is hyphenated. I mean, theoretically it’s great if you have a boy and a girl and each gets one of your names, or whatever combination you want - but what if you only end up having one kid for whatever reason?
About a decade ago, Dutch law made it possible for parents to choose either the fathers surname or the mothers surname for their kids. Before that, they got the fathers surname the moment he either married the mom or legally acknowledged the baby as his.
But the choice could only be made once: all siblings have the same surname.
Most commonly nowadays, the kids stil get the fathers surname, while the mother keeps her own surname as that is her “brand name” in her job and because it is the modern and emancipated thing to do.
So Dutch daycares and schools are quite used to mrs Smith presenting herself to be the mom of little Mickey Johnson.
Holland does not have the freedom Americans have to choose or change their legal name at will. Name changes are a lenghty bureaucratic process and are only granted if there is a good reason. You had better be named mr Nudeborn or Mr Tsjiuaxyeng if you apply for a name change here.
Where do you live? It probably does make a difference in how your life experience goes, not all parts of the world care about being politically correct. In most parts of the US a man can expect a lot of shit when trying to take his wife’s last name, I’ve seen blog posts about it, compared to women where its no big deal.
My wife has her parentage questioned all the fucking time by everyone from hospital staff to police when I had a medical emergency(“whose white child is this?”) so there is no way in hell we’d want to compound that with whimsical surnames with no connection to either of us. Your location and cultural situation may differ.
EDIT:Why doesn’t the OP if it is easy and possible in his location hyphenate his last name along with his fiancee when they get married, and then the kids will share it?
