I realize that being asked out by a customer can put someone in a difficult spot. On the other hand, I’ve often heard of people doing just that and the offer being accepted. I talked to some female friends of mine and they were ok with it.
Once, I remember going into a shop where the saleswoman seems to have asked her colleagues to leave us alone while she talked to me about her personal life, apprently trying to strike up a conversation, and commented that we had the same tastes. Maybe she was just using an unorthodox style of salesmanship or I was seeing things but it seemed like she wanted me to ask her out.
So, is it any different than any other instance where one asks another person out?
The protocol for successfully asking out a customer service type person is to build up the rapport with them incrementally. Using the fact that you know where they work to your advantage.
Don’t stalk them. Go to the place of business as you normally would, make a joke or two or light conversation with said person frequently enough to where they recognize you.
From there, you build up physical comfort if at all possible the way you would if you were on a date with someone. Small, light touches during conversation and nothing that lingers.
It can be tricky. I had my friendliness get misconstrued often. People didn’t seem to get that I was being nice/friendly/whatever because that was MY JOB. I’ve lost count over the years that I worked the “front lines” like that where I was asked out or a customer got stalkerish just because I was being nice to them. Every day. Like I was being paid to do.
If the sales/customer service person goes out of her way to do extra stuff for you, or if she lingers on your transaction and asks you non-business related questions, or tries to engage you in ways other than related to the business where she’s working, then you would be in the clear to ask her out without being a creep.
Yeah, don’t do this. Save it for later, if you get the date. Remember, she doesn’t really have an escape as a service person, and has to be nice to you.
Which is generally why asking out salespeople is a bad idea. Most of the time, she’s being nice to you because it’s her job, not because she’s into you.
I’m not talking a light touch to the small of a woman’s back while she’s on the job and never ever had a conversation with you before. Or lightly running your fingertips down her arm while talking.
Just your hand on her shoulder during a fun joke in a conversation with smiling and laughing and other such positive things and not for more than a few seconds.
EDIT: And yes customer service people are usually being nice to you if they only see you so infrequently that they never remember you from one meeting to the next. Which is why you follow the suggestions in my first post. You have to be memorable and see them frequently enough to where remembering you shouldn’t be a chore either.
I would suggest waiting until your transaction with that company is complete and then putting the power in their hands.
For example:
Lovely customer service person I would like to take you out and get to know you better. If you are also interested please call me (while passing a note or your card)
Note: this advice is only recommended for a place you do not frequent regularly. In those the only strategy is to not ask them out.
They’re being nice to you because it’s their job and they have no friggin’ choice. They probably have to deal with people flirting with them all day and they don’t have the luxury of responding the way they might in a social situation (i.e., by telling you that they are not interested). For Christ’s sake, don’t impose on their already limited personal autonomy by touching them, too. GAH.
A hint that the CS person might like a customer is when she might touch him, but she HAS to do it first, and more than once. Even if I kind of liked a customer and thought it would be cool if he asked me out, the SECOND he touches me he’s OUT! I don’t know how to explain it except that it crosses a line, making an assumption on me when I’m in a basically captive situation and have to keep being nice anyway, the line being a protective barrier between my feeling safe and the customer suddenly becoming an irrevocable creep from then on.
And if you do have a date and it doesn’t work out, then find another place to go so you never go back to that one. I had a customer ask me to dinner and I accepted (foolishly). It was a miserable evening. A few days later he came by where I worked to ask me out again (as I was not answering his phone calls) and I said no. He then proceded to corner me and ask me repeatedly why I wouldn’t go out with him. ICK.
I have yet to understand the idea that salespeople are special. You chose to be in that job, and to accept those limitations. That means it is up to you not to become uncomfortable.
And there is no reason a salesperson has to be friendly, just cordial.
Because you committed a social faux pas. If you do not want to date someone, avoiding them is not the right thing to do. He cornered you because you passive aggressively hurt him rather than just telling him that you wanted no more dates.
If you can’t be direct, then you don’t have room to gripe. It’s not even like you were on the clock after the date. You had no reason to fake friendliness.
I get what you’re saying, but sometimes people think “just cordial” means I want to date them. There are a lot of social rejects out there who just don’t get it. Many times I’ve taken it down from my usual friendly to what I consider barely communicative toward certain customers. They just don’t GET it, and think that because I’m barely courteous and not being an ass like most women would be toward them in a similar but non-work situation, that I must not hate them.
It’s not a matter of being special, I was perfectly happy working within the constraints of being nice to people I didn’t like - it was my job. The problem arose when certain social tards couldn’t understand that my being nice to them was solely because it was in my job description and had no reflection on how I actually thought about them. It’s not like it was an every day occurrence, but it happened. I’m sure those guys did the same in every coffee shop/store/place with female staff they frequented.
Because you accept a job dealing with the public you don’t have a right to be uncomfortable if someone comes up to you and starts touching you and/or flirting with you?
I am not understanding how it is ok to touch someone you are interacting with in a customer service relationship. That doesn’t seem appropriate in any way whatsoever. Unless we are talking handshake, and even that is pretty odd in a retail establishment. When you are at a store it is not ok to touch.
They are there to do a job. Very few are interested in dating you (This is the general you. Not directed at anyone. Well, maybe the author of the post before mine). Unless, we are talking about someone with a prior relationship, or teenagers at the mall.
Anyway. To answer the question I usually get out a napkin and draw an obviously naked stick figure and three check boxes. “No thanks.” “Yes!” “Hell yes!”
Usually the response is “I don’t have a pen.” And, I think that answer speaks volumes.
So, gently blowing him off (which, while perhaps not the best method of dealing with the situation, should be pretty easily understood by the by the person being thus blown) is a social faux pas, but coming to her work place and cornering and harassing her is perfectly acceptable? Social interaction: you’re not very good at it.
I realize I’m not the thread police and that conversations veer off but there are very many threads where BigT and those who disagree with him can debate whether it’s acceptable to ask out a CS person and how refusal should be communicated. Can we keep this thread about How do you ask one ask out customer service people?
Otherwise, I fear this will turn into another thread of pointless arguing dominated by socially awkward men and easily offended women*.
*Not that this is the case right now, but it’s fertile ground for it.
Ugh no. I would have found a reason to have someone else finish the transaction if anyone had ever tried this with me. Getting touchy feely with the help is wrong on every level I can think of.