A few weeks ago I had a customer at the store I work at who was very friendly, and cute, and the perfect age, and all the other good stuff. When he returned to pick up his order, I tried to combine good salesmanship (asking about future gift-giving occasions) with flirting and found out he is single (widowed), not involved with anyone, my age, has a teenage daughter leaving for nursing school at my alma mater come fall, lives a few blocks away from me and likes going to movies. (I’m really good with the probing questions) We stood there and talked for 20 minutes…it was almost like a first date, we covered so much ground, and he touched my arm several times…all good signs. I have his work phone, his home phone, his work email…everything I would need to get in touch. I waited a week or so and then did a courtesy call to remind him about the Valentine’s Day sale, because he had expressed interest in a necklace for his daughter. I called him at home, from my home number (so he’d have it if he has caller ID) and got his voice mail, and gave him the work number if he wanted to call back. He never called, never came in…but I think he said he sometimes travels on business.
So now I want to call him and ask him out. I figure I’ve got nothing to lose, except maybe him as a customer if this makes him uncomfortable enough that he would not want to shop with us again. But I’m chicken. What if he doesn’t remember me? What if he takes this as an abuse of the private information he gave as a customer? Should I call at work, and start out as if I’m doing a follow-up call, or should I call him at home and risk getting voicemail again? Should I leave a message asking him to call back, or asking him out? Or should I just keep trying until a person answers?
I’m just no good at this! But he did seem really interested in me…nobody stands around and chats me up for 20 minutes! So waht’s the best Doper advice on how to handle this?
The sales call was using information that the business has on him, right? I don’t think it would be proper to use that to contact him anymore. He knows you exist, and if he’s not as dumb as a box of rocks he knows you might be interested in him. He has an excuse to show up at the store again if he’s shy. Don’t risk your job by contacting him further if he doesn’t come into the store and do more flirting, at least.
Alternatively, you know that he lives in your neighborhood. Try shopping at a variety of supermarkets.
Yep, I wouldn’t use business info to further personal stuff. When it comes to phoning them or showing up on their doorstep, that is. But if you happen to see him around-- yay you! Not stalkerish at all.
“A faint heart never won a fair lady.” You’ve done what you can at your end. The ball is in his court. He might be interested but too timid. He might be flattered, somewhat interested, but for whatever reason, “not ready” yet. Whatever the reason, he needs to make some sort of move, even if it’s just a baby step. If he’s too faint-hearted to do it, then it’s his loss.
I agree that you shouldn’t use the information you acquired about him through work to ask him out. If he’s interested, he’s got so many ways to show you that. As Miss Violaceous said, if he’s shy he can simply start showing up at the store some more. If he isn’t doing that—if he isn’t doing anything—then it’s probably best to let it lie.
He might be one of these “slow burn” guys who is thinking and waiting and carefully plotting his Next Big Move . . . you never know. If he’s going to do something, he’ll get around to it. Or not. The ball is definitely in his court.
I’m a guy, and if a woman I chatted with for 20 minutes in a store called me up and asked me out, I wouldn’t be upset even if I wasn’t interested. That’s just me, though.
My guess is that regardless of whether he liked you, there’s very little chance of him asking you out. Salespeople are often friendly, and since they’re trapped in the store, the fact that you were willing to chat with him for 20 minutes is less significant than the fact that he hung around chatting with you.
Personally, I’d ask him out. I respect other people’s concerns about inappropriately getting his phone number from work records, but I wouldn’t give a crap myself and I think a lot of other guys are the same way. Who doesn’t like to be asked out?
As a guy, I’m going to side with Giraffe as well. I’d think it a bit odd that you used my information to hunt me down but I’d be more flattered than concerned.
I don’t doubt that the majority of guys who were in this fellow’s situation wouldn’t have a problem with her using work-obtained info to ask him out. However, is the chance that you’ll hit the one in a hundred or a thousand or a million who wouldn’t like it, and who would report it to your boss and possibly cost you your job, worth the romantic prospect? His shy behavior up until this point, coupled with the fact that he has a daughter at home, up the chances that he is of the neurotically shy/privacy protective type.
Well, it does seem like he gave a lot of info to the store (I usually just stop at the email address).
In any case, kittenblue, you could always just start with "I hope its alright if I call you at home, but I was wondering… "
Good luck!
P.S. A good line which would be something along the lines of “I hope its alright if I call you at home, but I was wondering if you would like to come back to my place and kumshuck like bunnies.”
As a girl, I’d side with Giraffe. I’m very picky about my personal information, but I wouldn’t be offended at all by someone calling me up and asking me out like that(except I’m not single, but…). As long as you take no as no if he says it, go for it!
The ball is entirely in his court - you’ve given him your home number (in a roundabout way) and called him about returning the the store. Any further action on your part should be entirely predicated on whether or not he returns to the store or returns the call.
I’m a guy too, and believe me, we are usually very dumb when it comes to stuff like this. When a cashier/waitress/sales clerk is nice to us, we figure she’s doing it because it’s her job.
Life’s short. If you want to ask him out, go for it. If he’s as nice and normal as you say, even if he’s not interested he’ll be flattered, not mad.
Ask him out. I don’t know of any guys who would be offended by being asked out.
If he’s recently widowed though, that might change things. I personally probably wouldn’t be ready to date anyone for decades if my fiancee/future wife were to die on me.
