Before we got married, Left Hand of Dorkness and I did the long-distance thing for two years while I was in grad school. Was it fun? Hell, no. Was it worth it? Unquestionably. If it’s meant to be, your relationship can survive the separation. If it’s not meant to be, well, that’s okay too.
Travel and communications were much more expensive in those days. Also, women, while they may have worked, rarely had careers. Those folks were faced with a very different set of choices. I’m not saying they made the wrong choices, but that it is comparing apples and oranges to let the past guide today’s decisions on something like this.
Its also wrong to believe they universally avoided that hurricane. My great aunt was married for years to a man who worked on an oil rig (he did die young though). People were separated by jobs, by farm work, by extensive business travel, by military deployment, etc. Not that these situations always worked out, but people have made the choice for short term separation in the past. Hell, my great grandfather got on a ship in Italy and came to St. Paul leaving his wife and small daughter behind and six years later they came over.
Everyone is faced with different sets of choices than everyone else. Yet surely we can learn how to handle different situations at least partially by examining the decisions that are made in the past, and their consequences. Otherwise, one of the greatest uses of studying history would be nonexistent, and it would also be useless to listen to advice given to us by anyone decades older than us (or from anyone else, for that matter).
Take the job.
Your relationship right now is filled with too many what-ifs.
What if the relationship cools even though you’re both together?
What if she wants to go to grad school after she graduates?
What if the economy worsens and it takes another two years to get a decent job offer?
Take the job, visit whenever you can and put some money away for the future.
Tough situation you face.
I have been married for 7 years. My husband decided to have a mid-life career change. He opted to move away to another city (3 hours away) to attend law school. It has been nearly three years and it sucks. But, we both agreed that it was an important move and that we were both willing to make sacrifices for dream he had. It hurt at times (still does) as I felt sad that he wanted to live away from me (he had also been accepted into a law program at a university about 15 minutes from our home). But, I understood the fact that he had a dream.
He will be moving home in about 4 months as he will finally be done (!) and it will be odd learning to live together again. We have missed each other very much, but we talk daily. This past year has been the hardest. Sometimes there is little to say. It has been a grind.
As long as you both understand the end goal and continue to grow in similar directions, it is possible to have a time where there is a physical separation. It boils down to how you handle it and how you care for each other through the whole thing.
Would I do it over again? Yes, in a heartbeat, as I have seen my husband grow in so many ways that it is unbelieveable. It has definitely been worth the price we both had to pay.
Thank you all for the advice. There have been many more substantive replies than I expected, and I appreciate it.
After much discussion and thinking about it, I am not taking the job. BUT:
I talked to the recruiting rep (this is with the State of Wyoming social services department), and they said that there are multiple other positions opening in the next couple months that they wouldn’t mind saving me for, as they are impressed that I am getting a Masters degree. As she stated, “You know, if you wait a few months I can probably do better for you and this department by putting you in something a bit more challenging.”
So basically I am telling the girlfriend that if I don’t find a job here in the next 3 months, expect me to take one elsewhere. She is going to check into her college program (veterinary science) and find out how far back it would put her to transfer, or if taking a year off is possible, or what the options are. Maybe just Christmas Break/Spring Break/Summer she can visit, I don’t know at this point.
Compromise.
Oh, and feel free to chime in if this isn’t a good idea, and keep the personal anecdotes coming. I haven’t called anyone yet.
I spent my free time with my family.I do my duties punctual and correctly.I am very strict about that.so i have been free from most of the tensions when i was with my family.
Compromise is great. Just don’t sacrifice your life (or hers) for the sake of a commitment you haven’t actually made.
The only piece of advice I’d add is, now that you have opened the door to non-local jobs, don’t limit yourself to Wyoming. Are there some places that would be easier for your girlfriend to visit or transfer? Is your girlfriend in an actual DVM program?