This has been on my mind a lot lately as my wife is about to head over to the UK for a month. We’ve been married a little over eight years, and we’ve been dating for about ten and a half years. In that entire time, we’ve only spent the night apart for two days at the most. Neither one of us holds a job that requires much in the way of business trips, so there just hasn’t really been occasion for it.
What about the rest of you? How long have you been apart from your SO, and how often does it happen? What’s the good, bad and ugly about the time apart?
A few years ago, my wife took a 6-month job in Austria and I stayed in Seattle. (At that time we’d been together for 6 years and married for 2.) I visited her for 2 weeks at Christmas, so I guess the longest we were apart was 3 months, but it was really 3 months times two.
It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t horrible. We emailed daily and spoke on the phone about every 3 days. I didn’t get too lonely – friends and coworkers aplenty and I liked my job a lot, plus I’ve never minded going to movies and concerts and restaurants by myself. Oddly, although I’d lived alone before I met her, I found I couldn’t concentrate at home very well – didn’t read much, didn’t cook much, etc. I got out of the apartment whenever I could.
When it’s all over, nothing beats a happy reunion.
Two months after we got married, I went to the UK to get my MA while she stayed in the states. She did visit me once each term (and I returned home for Xmas), but that still meant there was a run somewhere in there when we were apart at least 8-10 weeks.
Since then, I think the longest has been 8-10 days (she went to visit Europe with her brother, who’d never been before).
Before we were married, 3 months. After our marriage, 2 weeks, while I went traveling to festival and camping with our “newborn”* baby while he was at some boring academic conferences.
*it was about 7 weeks after her due date, but she was 6 months old at the time - really funny to see people’s reactions to this itty bitty person who looked like she shouldn’t be out in public yet!
The longest time spent apart from my SO was about six months, two of which where circumstances allowed us only two phone calls and one letter during that time period. It was tough, but we were able to get through it because we’d done shorter stints of long distance before. I wouldn’t, however, be too keen on going back to a long distance stint anytime in the future; two and a half years of not living in the same area was enough.
My husband and I met through my best friend in Montana. I was in Montana and he was in Kansas. We spent our entire courtship (over a year) only seeing each other for a few days every few months :(. It was very hard! We got engaged, I moved to Kansas, we got married, and will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary this year :). Hopefully, we will not still be in Kansas for our 4th anniversary!
My partner of four years and I have spent nights apart with 3 weeks being the longest period. Her parents live overseas due to her dad’s job (we live in the U.S.) so she visits them every year. Usually for 10-14 days but one year it was 3 long weeks. I just got back from a 10 day trip to Ireland and she is leaving in July to go to Europe to see the parents. Thank Og it will only be 14 days.
It’s a mixed bag of emotions because she and I do EVERYTHING together. So being apart is hard but it can also be gratifying. Absence, does in fact, make the heart grow fonder. The hardest part when she goes is that we only talk on the phone maybe twice during her trip.
I deal with being alone much better than she does so it’s not so emotionally grueling form me. Don’t get me wrong, I miss her terribly and I hate not being able to cuddle her at night in bed but I try to focus on the positives like finding a household project to get finished to surprise her when she gets home. I watch the movies I like but she doesn’t enjoy. I visit friends often to take my mind off of missing my love.
Try to do the things you enjoy while she’s gone. It’ll make you feel better. If you like to write, keep a daily journal of your activities to show her when you see her again. (It sounds silly but it helps me when I’m feeling lonely) As mush as we love our SO’s it’s healthy to spend a little time apart. It helps put your relationship into perspective and it certainly helps me learn to let the little things go. When we’re apart I miss her stealing the sheets or hogging the bed so when we reunite, I don’t bitch when she does those things because I’d rather have her next to me stealing my blankets than to not be in the bed at all.
Also, if you and your wife do things together alot, you’ll see that it’s good for you to do them apart once in a while. I enjoy seeing our friends alone once in a while. Like I said, she and I are inseparable but we do both enjoy the occassional independent excursion. It makes for good conversation later and it gives us a chance to express ourselves as individuals instead of as ChaoAndWife.
I’m not going to deny that while she’s gone, the drive home from work can be a little sad because I know she won’t be there when I get home and bedtime is lonely. However, I try to remember every day I wake up is a day closer to her coming home.
4 months or so, since we started dating. Living on opposite coasts made things difficult, but we managed. She still travels on business a lot, so since we’ve been married she has been gone for up to 2 months at a time. Luckily that has minimized lately, since her work has hired additional people so she doesn’t have to do everything!
::after checking to make sure she’s already posted elsewhere about it::
She’s going to be participating in a study abroad program in London. Very cool opportunity for her; I’m really excited for her. It’s just going to be…strange without her, for all the reasons you mentioned.
A year. She was home and I was on an all expensed paid trip sponsored by the U.S. government. We were able to email back and forth most days and phone calls a couple of times a week.
We’ve spent as much as 10 days apart. We usually spend a week apart every year or two, when either I’ve been away on business, or he’s been on a hunting trip.
The good: whether I’m the one traveling or the one staying home, I enjoy some time for myself. Nobody to feed, or care for except myself. He also enjoys some time to himself.
The bad: we miss each other, of course. But we talk at least once a day when we’re apart.
The ugly: when one of us is gone and all hell breaks loose for the one at home and the other isn’t there to share the burden . Like when he was in Texas on a hunting trip and the garage-door opener broke, the air-conditioning on my truck broke, and the vet said the dog needed surgery.
I flat out don’t like not having him around. Maybe it comes from us both working at home - we’re in the same house (albeit on opposite ends most of the time) 24/7.
He will occasionally take off for between 2 and 7 days for various hobbies and interests, and I’m a pathetic wreck until he comes home.
Since we’ve been married the only time we’re apart is when I’m at work or have an errand to do. We’ve been together every night except 2 when she was in the hospital and they wouldn’t let me stay with her. I think the longest we were apart was about 36 hours when I had to go to work and her sister stayed with her for the night.
Before we were married we lived apart for 6 months, though his company flew him home every other weekend. And I visited him in NYC two or three times.
Since we’ve been married, the longest we’ve been apart is a week when he went fishing.
If you can afford it, I’d definitely make plans to visit her the 2nd or 3rd weekend. Sounds like a great time to reunite and visit another country after she gets acclimated a bit.
We’ve been over that part. Unfortunately, the airfare for flying from LA to London in the middle of July is not cheap, and particularly not for such a short period of time. In an ideal world, we would love to see each other in the middle of her trip, but it isn’t terribly practical.
However, if anyone knows of a way to get the round-trip flight down to, you know, $500 or so that doesn’t involve patching together an old plane with duct tape, please let me know.
We’ve been married nine years. We didn’t live together until the week before our wedding day, so I guess you can’t call the two years of not living together, separated by 1500 miles and a border “an absence.”
Since then, the only times we’ve spent apart were no longer than 10 days each. After my green card arrived, I went back to Canada for a week, to get it out of my system. She has been to New England to visit friends three times, for a week or so each time. We haven’t actually gone anywhere together yet!
The only down side to her not being home is the lack of companionship, kisses and hugs, and like that. She calls me every other night before bedtime when she’s away. I think the cats are more concerned that she isn’t there than I am, but I know she’s coming back.
