How do you bring up the issue of driving speed to a friend?

I often get a lift home from work by a colleague. Thing is, I genuinelly fear for my life every time. He drives way too fast.
One day I am just going to bring it up “Can you slow down a bit please?” . But It will feel like I giving him personal criticism and that is generally a taboo in my society. It would feel like I am telling him he has bad breath, or to not smoke near me or something.

Is there a better way of dealing with this than simply asking him to slow down?

“Dude, are you trying to break land speed records or somethin’?”

“Hey Speedracer! I’m not in that big a hurry!”

Don’t forget to buckle up!

“I am not going to ride with you again because your driving scares the pants off me.”

I found that worked. YMM, of course, V.

BTW, what culture is yours?

It’s probably the same in most cultures. I just meant the UK culture. We are a nation reluctant to air our grievances.

If you’re one of my friends it’s just “SLOW THE F*CK DOWN!” shouted into my ear. My friends are pretty direct.

It depends…are you talikn a little too fast or a lot. If it’s a lot too fast. the kinda fast that scares you. Dangerous fast?
I’m gonna tell him in no uncertain terms.
Slow this motherfucker down or let me out!

A friend of mine used to drive like that. He thought it was funny to scare people by driving way too fast and under the influence (smoke).
One day we’re hauling ass down a country road. 70-80mph approaching a 4way stop. We couldn’t see but a few feet in either direction past the stop signs so there could’ve been a car approaching and no way in hell he could stop.

I told him twice to slow down. He understood me. After he blew through the stop. I told him again and he just laughed.
I took out my razor sharp pocketknife and layed the blade down on his little finger which was on thesteering wheel and started pushing. he couldn’t turn the wheel obviously…he did slow down after that. Never drove fast with me again and we are still the best of friends.

Friendly mockery. I have a friend who tailgates dangerously, and I’ve taken to saying “Whoa there, Tailey McGaterson!” and he actually laughs and backs off. Many people who drive like assholes aren’t quite aware of the fact, I’m convinced.

I usually wait until they do something really stupid and then just start screaming at the top of my lungs about what an idiot they are using every word that I can think of. It makes me feel better and they usually get the point. Yes, I have done this on many occasions.

Well It’s as if he’s in a rally. It’s really fast. Much faster than taxis (who tend to drive too fast) If anything unexpected happened there is basically zero time/space to react safely.

and this friend…you HAVE to ride with him?

The first thing I do when I’m with somebody driving a little too fast for their abilities. I’ll kinda lean back in the seat and check my seat belt while I give’m a little look. If they don’t get it. I’ll make sure I put my feet firm against the floor board. Then I’ll put a hand on the dash or grab the handle on the door frame or some way of supporting myself. If they don’t get it by then…I’ll just tell 'em there’s no hurry on my part.
Unless they’re being an asshole…then I’ll tell him slow down or lose a finger and NOT be joking.

If you’re the non-confrontational type, there’s another method you can try. It worked for me. Something along the lines of: “I’m sure you’re a really good driver, even at this speed, but could you humor me and take it a little slower? I mean maybe I’m just paranoid, but it makes me uncomfortable to be <going this fast> <sitting this close to the car in front> <whatever>.”

With one person I had to follow this up with, “If I were afraid of dogs, would you force me to sit next to your pet Doberman? Even if it were irrational and you knew he wouldn’t hurt me, you’d be polite and put him in another room, right? It’s the same with the way you’re driving right now.”

Mention an inate fear of high speeds and if he doesn’t get the hint become more direct? Our taboo about criticism, IMHO, stops when they miss the hint.

I can’t really help, since I’m rather straightforward on this issue. I just tell them that they drive too fast. A couple times, I told them to stop and let me out of the car. Both times, they just slowed down.
Of course, he might think you’re a pain in the ass and you won’t get a lift anymore.

The only time it’s come up, it went a little like this:

Me: “Damn, you drive like a fucking moron.”

Him: “Oh, I’m sorry, did you leave your balls in your other purse?”

I wouldn’t say we were exactly friends at the time. Or since.

I’m pretty direct myself, but if I felt the need to be more tactful, I’d probably ask them to let me drive. YMMV, and this only works if you have a vaild driver’s license, of course.

Most people scare me so I drive myself or I drive both of us, I use the line “I am not a good passenger”. I have been in a life changing accident (a head on collision that should have killed me) and I tell people “I have seen the inside of an Ambulance and I don’t want to see it again”.


Just tell him that they put up some new speed cameras on the road.
Even if he’s not afraid of speed, he’ll be afraid of paying fines.

The only other thing that might cause a guy to slow down is a girl. Tell him that the girl he is interested in hates fast drivers. And maybe he could practice driving slow.

Lately things have happened to me (largely my own fault) that have pushed this issue to a burner so far back on the stove that I would feel little discomfort in saying “for fu**k sake [name of friend] I’m surprised someone aint dead due to your driving speed! Slow the fuck down!”

I suggest singing “Here he comes! Here comes Speed Racer! Go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go!”

I prefer, “Go greased lightnin’, you’re burnin’ up the quarter mile (greased lightnin’, go greased lightnin’!)…”

You have to sway back and forth and snap your fingers for full effect though. :smiley: