I know how you feel. At first, when people told me the first year was the hardest, all I could think was “I can’t survive this for a year.” But I did, and over that year, the pain came less and less often. I went from feeling miserable and crying multiple times a day to going a day or two without feeling too miserable. Then came the days I actually felt happy, interspersed with misery. Time helps–that may seem like small comfort, but isn’t that better than knowing it doesn’t get better?
I’m not making any judgement here, but I think ambivalid asked a valid question. Someone who loves you wants to help you and be closer to you, not be shut out by you as you keep part of yourself separate. Just something to think about, Sigene.
My sympathies to all of you who have suffered such huge losses.
I think for me, it’s a combination of time easing the pain somewhat and being better able to deal with the times when it still hurts like a motherfuck. Adjusting to a world without Mike has been tough some days and others, I can look back and smile and sometimes even laugh. Sometimes I’ll be all involved in one thing or another and think “He would really get a kick out of this.”
Those days are more frequent the longer he’s gone. And they’re good.