The problem is, all my prep and free time at work is in the morning. Three periods of lame meetings, prep time, and study halls, none of which distracts me from the fact that I want someone to dig me a deep hole so I can fall in it and stay there. I sometimes become irrational during this time, or panicky, or weepy, esp. since the break up. I should probably talk to my shrink about this.
Took some of the advice you guys gave: took my anti-depressant last night instead of this morning, shined a light in my eyes for about 10 minutes before getting up, had a cup of cocoa I made from scratch. At least I didn’t cry or freak out, though I still felt so damn exhausted and out of sorts. I’ll take that as an improvement.
I looked into getting a light box. They are all above $200, so I’m not sure if it’d be worth the investment unless it would really help a lot. Do full spectrum light bulbs do the same thing? What about those natural light desk lamps? I really do hate the morning darkness and generally overcast skies of central NY this time of year. Also, as Jimi Hendrix said, loneliness is such a drag.
As to the lightbox: current studies say that the light intensity (to help SAD, anyway) has to be 10,000 lux. While I believe there are some lightbulbs that can give that to you (maybe?) it’s easier with a light box, although they ARE expensive.
I use a light box because I have SAD - I get ridiculously tired all winter long, even though my mood is mostly unaffected. Using a light box has really helped.
Maybe it is time that you look for a new job? I don’t know if that is an option for you or not, but I know that with my job ever since they increased my work load and then announced layoffs I hate getting up in the morning. I lay around and think about calling in sick for at least 5 minutes every day. If the morning routine at your current job is not helpful to you and your job isn’t something that you love, I think it might be worth your time to start looking for something that is a better fit.
The only thing I really don’t like about my job is how early in the morning it starts. This is the job I hope to have until I retire, so I’m pretty much stuck. They have been discussing starting school at 9:10am next year, which would make me ecstatic, though I think it’ll only partially help. Seems like 11am is the time when I perk up, no matter how much sleep I get.
I can identify. In high school, and with any job that requires my getting up early, I’d sometimes jump in the shower and just cry there. I’m doing a little better these days, but yeah, AM blues are brutal. I try to eat something healthy sometimes, like, I’ll make myself a fruit smoothie. I’ll have the ingredients all ready, just throw them in the blender, and drink up. I’m not a coffee person, so the fruit makes me happy. I second the music idea–you need energetic, happy music for it to work, but that helps a lot while I’m commuting.
Nothing helpful to add, but I know what you’re feeling. Most of my life, I’d almost rather die than face the day. It’s weird, because I love being up in the morning. There’s nothing better than being up, and seeing the sun rise. Yet, there’s that first I have to get up that makes me want to put a gun to my head.
I deal with it by making sure I have a cup of coffee already made, and ready to be nuked right when I get up. I get up a little extra early so I can just sit still, sip my coffee and gradually adjust to the fact that the day is coming, like it or not.
For me, it’s tied to anxiety more than depression. Make it clear to your doctor that there are times when it’s anxiety you’re feeling, and not just depression, blah, blah, blah. Doctors will try to drug you for the first thing that fits their diagnosis. You could get screwed up getting treated chemically for depression, when anxiety is what you’ve got. There are anti-depressants that are counter-indicated for anxiety.
I had two different kinds of experiences with early morning problems.
One was waking up every morning at 3:00 am. I was in college and back then I had no idea that problems with sleep were associated with depression. I didn’t know that this problem was associated with the other problems of confusion and the blues.
The worst early morning problems that I had were, like levdrakon, associated with anxiety. I would wake up and “waves” of the jitters or nausea or dread or a combination or all of these things would sweep over me.
I was on medication at the time, but it was the wrong medication and needed to be changed. I also needed to see a different doctor.
All of the non-medical suggestions are good ideas too. Two other possibilities that I would add are things that I have tried along the way in my desperation: spraying my face with ice water and twenty minutes of meditation.