First and foremost, don’t lose heart…
… they might want to cut it out…
…and they’ll want to avoid a lengthy search.
In OPs defense, this is WAY easier said than done.
There are a million viable things that make someone happy, but none of them practical or achievable. And it’s not like you can go 30 years of your life and then magically discover “who you are”. Yes it has happened to people and I’m sure that there are those on this board who can attest to that, but she isn’t in high school or even college anymore. At this point she is who she is and it will take a massive act to change that.
Have you been spending every free moment with him? If so give him some space, many people need time to themselves sometimes.
If you were religious, I might point out that this is idolatry: putting another thing or person in the position of God.
Even if you aren’t religious: the healthiest relationships are those between people who have meaning, purpose, and value to their lives besides what they get from the other person.
So, whether you stay together or not, working out what meaning your life has would make a good Quest at this point in your life.
If you have a consistent problem with losing yourself in relationships, you might want to see a therapist.
You might also want to see if this seems to apply to you: Are You Codependent? 13 Signs of Codependency
If it does, here’s an organization that might help you: http://coda.org/
I know how painful the experience of getting lost in a relationship and then losing the relationship can be. I’m so sorry it happened to you!
Sending healing vibes your way.
Uh, I think people are jumping the gun a bit with “seek professional help” advice.
Just know that it DOES get better. You won’t feel like this forever. That tid-bit of information does fuck all for you now. But at least it’s nice knowing there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
Welcome to the Dope!
Drink.
Get a puppy.
Get a drunken puppy.
Yeah, but don’t worry. We also have plenty of descriptivists on here who will weigh in with a sledgehammer to explain why the grammar nazis are clueless prescriptivists. After we’ve explained how they’re wrong, you’ll get your thread back on page 17.
The OP does need professional help, but not because they’re dependent on a boyfriend.
Yeah, they need to see a dentist. It’s recommended that you get a check-up once every year. You want to catch those cavities early.
OP, how long since you last visited a dentist?
Also, a car mechanic. The OP’s car is making strange noises. So, get that looked at, too.
If a person’s happiness and self worth is based upon a co-dependent relationship, then they shouldn’t be in one.
But what if that’s what makes them happy?
Well as evidenced by the OP, one possible reason for her boyfriend’s withdrawal, may be her co-dependence upon him.
I lost the love of my life and almost everything else in my mid-sixties to an unexpected and unwanted divorce. I found a lot of support on the SDMB but in the end it was up to me to survive and I have done that. Losing a love hurts; it hurts a lot and all I can really say is that there is life on the other side. You have to find it though and it isn’t always easy. Friends and family can help but they can’t solve all your problems; it’s up to you. You have my best wishes; keep your chin up.
List of things that will not happen to the OP as a result of this conundrum:
- Death.
- Long-term damage, mental or physical.
- Any kind of material or financial distress.
Things that will happen to the OP:
- Feeling bad for a while.
- Getting over it.
- Finding a new boyfriend.
She’ll be OK.
Yeah, OK. So, maybe the OP’s just feeling kind of down at the moment and posted here for support. None of us (or most of us, at any rate) don’t know any more about the OP’s emotional or mental state than what he or she has posted so far.
But seeing a therapist is still a good idea. Therapists can help people get over breakups more quickly. And if the OP has any dysfunctional relationship patterns, a good therapist can help the OP see and maybe change them.
True. I certainly didn’t mean to rule that out.