Firstly let me say I have no desire to ever harm myself, please don’t read that from my post.
But for the past 12-18months I have been feeling completely lost. Nothing feels right and I just can’t be bothered with anything. Everything seems really pointless and empty and I can’t seem to understand why.
I’m a healthy, attractive 33 yr old woman. I have just started a new carear in the hope of injecting some meaning into my life. I do have a great family, although they live on the other side of the world to me. But the thought of moving home doesn’t excite me. The thought of staying here also doesn’t excite me. It’s like I just don’t see the point and live and it’s seems basically too much effort for nothing.
As I said. I have NO desire, plans or thoughts of hurting myself.
I’m just struggling to see where I fit in with life and the future.
I’m not really sure what the point of this thread is, I quess I just wanted to see if anyone else feels like this, or has felt like this and has some advise if how to snap out of it and appreciate life and how lucky I know I am to be healthy and loved by my family.
First: Stop guilt-tripping yourself with the idea of snapping out of it. It’s unfair to you, and unfair to others who are also having a tough time. You will find better situations and better times, I know it - but not by snapping or trying to force yourself.
Second: Feeling empty and pointless for as much time as you have felt those things, is the kind of depression where finding a good therapist is important. It’s been over a year - you are really stuck. Yes you would eventually come out of it on your own, but on your own it might take another two or three years of living like this first.
Third: **People are going to misunderstand. ** They are going to give you the advice that would work for them. They are not depressed, and their advice is nice for them but worthless for a depressed person. Give yourself complete permission to ignore their advice and do what really is good for you, today.
Thirties can be tough. That’s usually the time when your social circle starts to change dramatically. All those friends you used to spend every weekend with; they’re getting married, starting families of their own and no longer have time for Margaritas on the patio at Joe’s Bar and Grill.
And if you happen to be one of the one’s that are still single, or doesn’t want a family. You can often be left with feelings of abandonment.
It does get better though. You just have to get used to this new world you live in.
And stop thinking life is supposed to have some kind of meaning. It doesn’t.
If you see a tiger in a cage and the tiger looks depressed, it doesn’t necessarily mean that there is something wrong with the tiger. Tigers weren’t meant to live in cages. But you said this is a recent change for you and you implied that you don’t see anything in your life that triggered it.
That sounds to me like a textbook case of clinical depression. Talk to a psychiatrist, who can provide counseling and also prescribe medication. You might start by talking to your primary physician so you can get a referral which your insurance will pay for.
It might help to remind yourself that modern civilization is quite different from the conditions in which humans evolved, hence it shouldn’t be surprising that not everyone finds it easy to fit in.
In 2005 I moved 3,000 miles away from my support systems (friends and family) for a job. It was far, far more difficult than I anticipated and I slumped into a terrible depression. It took a few years to build new social systems. In other words, I feel for you. Only time in a new place fixes loneliness. This or don’t be afraid to go back home to a good place.
AND please see a medical professional about depression. Long-term untreated depression is damaging to mind and soul.
Grrr! Cites the most important thing I’ve ever learned – that life essentially has no meaning. Paradoxically, this was an amazingly liberating realization and it freed me from my self-imposed judgments of what I should/could/would do (My new philosophy also moved me from agnostic to atheist). I enjoy life a lot more now.
Yes, it certainly jumped out at me as “This person has depression,” though some of the things I’ve been reading recently (e.g. here, here) suggest that the causes and contributors to depression are more complex and varied than previously thought.
I was 30 when I was first diagnosed with depression. It was a few months after I had just started a job…my first “real” job.
Suddenly I was thrust in a world full of a grown-ups. I’d be in the breakroom and people would be talking about their kids and spouses and antique furniture-shopping and investments…and I’d be standing there with absolutely nothing to say because it was all foreign to me. People would ask me questions about myself, and I couldn’t come up with anything that didn’t sound stupid. Even coworkers who were my age seemed way more advanced than I was. I kept to myself when I could, and created a fake persona when I couldn’t. I felt like the most pathetic thing in the world.
One day, one of my coworkers was talking my ear off about her dating adventures. I don’t know what it was that triggered me. Maybe her monotone voice and the fact that she couldn’t tell I wasn’t the least bit interested in her TMI? But I started feeling suicidal. The feeling was so intense I could practically see me hanging from the rafters. Previous to that moment I had never considered that I might be depressed. But as soon as I got home, I started doing research into clinical psychologists in my area.
Berty, you sound like you might be experiencing what I went through. It could be all biochemical. It could be lifestyle or environmental. Or it could be all of the above, as it ended up being for me. My life is so much better than it was ten years ago because I got help.
You don’t have to be suicidal to benefit from help. It sounds to me (and others here) like you’re depressed. I don’t know all of your life circumstances, but I do know that seeing a doctor or therapist could help, and it almost certainly wouldn’t hurt. There’s no reason to suffer if you can do something about it.
Would a doctor agree that you and your lifestyle are healthy? You’ve said you are, but we don’t know if you’re eating right, getting exercise, etc. If this “lost” feeling has lasted 12-18 months, I think a good first step would be to see a doctor to determine whether you and your lifestyle are healthy. You’re probably already aware that depression is not to be taken lightly, and (as noted above) it sounds like depression.
As noted, this is at once terrifying and liberating. I’m struggling to think of any modern artist or business tycoon who didn’t first resolve, “Bugger what anyone else thinks, I’m doing THIS.” Of course, there are more than a few gutter dwellers that started that way, too. Life’s hard. It’s okay to just cry, Berty. We all do that. Keeps us human. Ish.
It worked wonders for me-even if, if you want to nitpick, it had become more Pink Floyd style quiet desperation than the full blown depression I had had a decade earlier. If NOBODY anywhere has ever had their depression totally nuked by a sudden encounter with the wonder of the universe, then it would be a very bleak universe indeed.
Life has no meaning? If someone chooses to accept that, well okay, but to me it sounds very sad. I hope people can find what their passions are, and then feed them to help and/or serve others. You too, Berty.