Child torment… the vengeance of mothers!!! The only one that’s fun right now is the 6 year old. (the 3 year old is immune).
Ask him a huundred times if he wants “chicken beans” for dinner. (what he used to call baked beans cuz of KFC when he was 3) To this day, I don’t think he knows what they are, just that he doesn’t want em for nothing!
Wear a shirt backwards. (He’s WAY too organized to deal with that)
If I wear a tie, he goes NUTS.
He’s a little boy… put on some “fuck me now” red lipstick and leave a big print on his cheek… (ewwwww cooties)
Me singing… (can’t blame him, but drives him batty)
And my favorite though I’m innocent… I’m new to the midwest, so I’m new to tornadoes. When the tornado siren went off, neighbors told me what it was. I told him anytime he hears the siren, he needs to get home NOW cuz it means the big wind will come and blow him away forever. NOW, whenever he is out playing and hears a fire truck or a car alarm, he breaks down the door to get into the house with a look of utter panic on his face cuz the TOMATO is coming to Blow him away from us. Oh god it slays me. I prey on fear. So naturally I milk it out and am never gonna tell him the difference. I hope he’s 18 and runs like hell home to escape the TOMATO that’s coming. ;D
I can’t wait for them to be teenagers. My presence will embarrass them. I will go out of my way to do it, wearing a bunny slipper on one foot and a thigh high boot on the other for bake sales and taking him to school. And I live for the first dates. I have pictures of him that are just waiting to be shown to the lucky girls! Bwahahahahhahaa