I don’t eat cheeseburgers, I scarf them.
Right side up, upside down…either way, they don’t stand a chance.
Two co-workers were discussing these different ways of eating a banana one day, when one of them asked me how I did it, hoping for a little backup. I had only been somewhat halfway listening to them, so I surprised even myself when I whipped off one of the best impromptu lines I’ve ever managed:
Wait, you peel yours?
Perhaps not a true “cheeseburger” under the terms of the Act, but when eating a Big Mac I invariably remove the crown, then invert the club section so that both meat patties lie on top of each other. I then tend to tackle the sickly sweet crown as desert.
Yay.
What the hell kind of burgers are you people EATING? Are they made of water or something?
How the hell can the bun get wet enough to disintegrate?
I’ve left greasy burgers soaking in their own juices until they’ve gotten cold, and not a single one of them has ever soaked up enough liquid to come apart.
That’s even worse than those hot-dog pizza things.
Moving thread from IMHO to Cafe Society.
I don’t know about anybody else, but I’m talking about big, thick, medium rare ones I make myself. How you eat one of those fast food things scarcely matters.
How do I eat my cheeseburger? Without cheese, mostly, unless it’s bleu… But that’s not really what you were asking.
Sometimes I put all the stuff (lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles, etc) on the bottom of the bun and the burger on top of it… Does that constitute upside down? I don’t flip it over, the thickest part of the bun is on top but so is the meat.
I’m often told I’m odd but never when I’m eating a burger.
I flip the burger, but burgers must also be squashed so as to compress as much meat, cheese and other goodies into it as I can. If I have to, I will add a second crown and heel so as not to lose any delicious juices. Ideally, the burger should be as thick as a sub sandwich. Burgers which do not contain bacon shall not be considered burgers, they are sandwiches.
Pizza may be eaten in different ways depending on the pie. Pan style should be eaten by placing two slices together cheese to cheese and eaten like a sandwich. Thin crust is an abomination unto the gods, but if one must consume it, you eat it one snapped off bit at a time, like hard pita. Deep dish however is the food of the gods, and necessitates the help of a runcible spoon.
I challenge you weirdo upside-down burger eaters to pit your inferior technique against my Stupid Large Burger (scroll down about a third of the page). If you want to stand a chance against it, you will have to place both thumbs and pinkies underneath, evenly spaced to distribute the load. This black belt burger stance offers improved performance against more mundane burgers, but it is essential when combatting the SLB.