My daughter is the most sensible kid I have ever met. She is a quiet, reasonable kid (for her age), even if she has quite a temper, she seems to be able to control herself and is always very well-behaved. She has never done something dangerous, and I am glad I can leave her play by herself for long periods without fear that she will stick her finger in an electrical outlet or something.
We live on the top floor of a 4-story building. Although we moved about a year ago, we lived before that in another penthouse, it’s always been like that for her.
Yesterday I surprised her looking down her bedroom window after she climbed up from her bed (which is not directly under the window). It freaked me out completely. I pulled her down and screamed at her “No, no. Don’t ever do that again”. She asked “why?”. I tried to explain to her the consequences of falling from a 4th floor. She knows “it will hurt” but she has no concept of death. I didn’t know how to explain death itself, just the other consequences of falling (You’ll never see mommy and daddy again. Mommy and daddy will be very sad, etc.).
So, how do I instill in my daughter the fear of death in a way that she understands but does not scar her. I am pretty sure she won’t try that stunt again, but I still need to figure out how to explain that some things are dangerous (you could get hurt) and some are *very *dangerous (you could die). Or is that impossible at at that age?
I don’t know that you need to go into some existential discuss. I think discussing the consequences is probably enough for a four year old. It is obviously most important to modify their behaviour, so I think you can refine the concepts when the child has grown up a little. You might also point out roadkill and explain what happened and use that as an example.
I have told my kids that it means that your body stops working and will stay that way forever, etc., but I don’t know if they have a deep understanding of the concept. One day, when my older son was five, he asked my wife if it were true if sometimes babies were born dead, so he may understand it a little more (when my wife acknowledged that stillbirths did in fact happen, he expressed relief that that hadn’t happened to him, then paused and lamented that it didn’t happen to his little brother.)
A friend, who was still having trouble with a toddler after much effort, finally demonstrated the concept by placing one of her toys behind the wheel of the car and then backing over it.
Toddler promptly understood the danger of darting out in front of / behind cars, and was able to extrapolate to other situations when they were presented as similar.
Small kids can be very concrete, sometimes you just have to work with that.
We’ve discovered that hamsters are an excellent teaching tool for the concept of mortality. The little guys only live about two years, and they’re easier to bond with than a fish.
When I was four my Mother died and I didn’t need it explained. My two year old and I were hiking in the woods and she started pulling apart a rotting tree trunk, and I told her the tree was dead. Later she was in a sing song voice chanting, “Why tree die?”, which was odd because she understood that die and dead were different forms of the same thing, and I don’t know why she understood this, but somehow she did. I don’t know what she understands about the concept of her own death.
So these are just my anecdotes, I don’t think I have a solution to your problem.
They might overthrow his majesty if he tried that. (Although I thought that’s where the post was going, too).
No matter how sensible your kid is, of course, I think you need to remember that all kids come up with astonishingly creative ways to be stupid. One of the jobs of watching kids is helping to minimize the danger that a moment’s stupidity presents. As such, I’d still be very leery of leaving her near a window she can open, no matter how clear her understanding of death.
I keep misreading the thread title as “How do you explain death of a 4 yo”, and it gave me quite the jolt the first time I did. The possibilities that sprang to mind were many and terrifying.
Yes. We live in the tropics, opening windows is a must.
I know about Clapton’s son, and to make it even creepier I heard “tears in heaven” later that day.
Our windows do not have guards, we used to have them in the apt. where we lived until she was 3, and one of the windows here (that is very low) has them. But the HOA does not allow any external modifications where we live, screens and bars are considered external mods.
It is the first time that she does something like this, which is why I got all freaked out. I believe her when she says that she will not do it again, she is that kind of kid. But then it will be some other stupid thing.
So far she knows that if she falls from the window she’ll be “broken and won’t be fixed again”.
A friend of mine had the good fortune to be out walking with her young son. Two squirrels were chasing each other, they were watching, a car came by and one squirrel went to squirrel heaven. Her son asked her if she could fix it. She said no. He said the squirrel would get better, she said no. He looked shocked - and the lightbulb went on.
And the rest of us want squirrels to run in front of cars while our kids are watching.
Is there a screen on the window? I’m wondering if you could put a baby gate up. One of those sturdy ones that you use pressure to position, but are soft netting between the sturdy bars.
First, open the window.
Second, secure the baby gate on the inside of the window horizontally.
Third, layer some - pvc pipe (?) under the gate (sticks out below and above, putting pressure on the upper window and lower sill, down to the floor).
Fourth, put a bell or other semi-heavy but noisy noise maker on the contraption that won’t be disturbed by the wind, but will be disturbed by a child shaking, climbing, or attempting to dislodge the contrapion.