How do you feel about coming from a large family?

In My Humble Opinion
1

The super-breeding fundies thread in The Pit has brought to mind a question I’ve always had: what is it really like to come from a family with lots of kids? I’m sure that there could be a Great Debate about whether it’s better for the children or worse for the children etc, but I’d like to get some perspective from people who have actually lived it.

So: if you came from a big family, say, six kids or more, how do you feel about it? Did you feel neglected or extra-cared-for when growing up? Do you feel you were starved for parental attention, or did the busy rhythm of the family home provide all the attention you needed? Will you have lots of kids yourself? Will you have only a couple? None? How do you feel that people from large families are different from people who come from small ones–or who are only children?

I ask this as an only child, who enjoyed it growing up, but now thinks it would be nice to have someone else in the family.

2

I’m the youngest of six. I never felt I lacked for parental attention. They always made an effort to attend whatever activities each of us was in. My older brother was heavily into scouting, and Mom was a den mother. My sister and I did a lot of children’s theater, and Mom & Dad always came to the performances.

It is a fact that Mom & Dad had gotten a lot more permissive by the time I was becoming an adolescent. (Too damn tired to put up a fight, I imagine!) My mother had put her foot down for years that the girls had to be in 8th grade before they could get their ears pierced. But when my next older sister hit the mark, Mom let me get mine pierced at the same time, even though I was only in – GASP! – 5th grade.

There was ALWAYS someone to play with. We had lots of family activites – Scrabble games, sing-alongs, picnics, etc.

Hand-me-downs were a mixed blessing, although I remember how excited I was when I was finally old enough to wear the red velveteen party dress with the sweetheart neckline!

I am closer to my two sisters (my third sister passed away a year and a half ago) than just about any other human beings on earth. (The first sibling death was awful beyond words. You expect your parents to get old and die. You don’t expect your sister to.)

I have one son. I had always thought I’d have more, but it just didn’t happen that way. It took me a long time to accept the fact that it was OK if my son did not have my childhood. I can’t imagine what it would be like to not have someone who shares all my childhood memories.

3

I’m the second oldest of a family of nine children. I absolutely love it. I always had friends to play with and since I was the oldest, I normally got to decide what we did. :stuck_out_tongue: My siblings and I have our own little injokes and share a wavelength which leads to some interesting situations.

My family is full of insane genuises so we did some pretty wacky stuff. For example, one day over Christmas break, we decided to put on a war. We divided the family room up into sections (I did not participate but filmed the event) and built armies out of paper. You were only allowed to use paper, paperclips, tape and rubber bands. After the arms were built, the war began. One of my brothers had constructed a pretty impressive helicopter but one of my sisters and another brother who had built tons of foot soldiers joined forces and overwhelmed him by catapulting their foot solders at his helicopter until it was knocked out of the sky.

Another time, we were exploring a museum on vacation and came across a room which was a model of a submarine control center. We didn’t have to verbally divide up the roles and no one had to suggest that we should pretend it was a working sub, as soon as we saw it, we immediately fanned out over the room and took on different roles. “Enemy approaching at 12 o’clock captain!” “Man the torpedos!” Some random kids passing by joined us on our quest and we played in that sub for about 30 minutes until our parents dragged us off.

Because I have such a large family, I am not equally as close to all siblings. I don’t view this as a drawback, since each sibling has at least 3 others that they consider themselves close to. It’s great because there’s always the potential for friendships. For example, my oldest brother John was always distant from the rest of us growing up. Now that John and I live across the country from the rest of our siblings, we’ve become very close friends. It’s difficult to keep in touch with my siblings back in Ohio, but whenever I go home over Christmas break, the distance evaporates and we are back to our old adventures. I love visiting because there is always something to do/see. We tend to share tastes in books, movies, tv shows, so often we will catch up on series together.

Because I was the oldest, I was “practice.” My mom apologized to me the other day for the mistakes she made in raising me, but I told her that she was human and I knew she did the best she could. My dad has a very hard time relating to people so I think I would have felt more neglected as an only child. I’m much closer to both my parents now that I am older, although that is a bond my older brother was never able to feel. He said he felt like “Butters” from South Park growing up. My parents used to be very strict when we were little but have relaxed a lot since then. I don’t mind being “practice,” I think I turned out well and my younger siblings are doing wonderfully. My younger sibs can learn from my mistakes and I get to help them as they grow up. When my younger brother was out here doing a summer program at Harvey Mudd, my older brother and I took him out for his 21st birthday. The best place to get drunk off your ass is surrounded by others who will watch out for you.

I would love to have a large family myself, but I don’t think that’s going to happen. My mom never finished her dissertation and probably never will. My dad would be a millionaire right now if he hadn’t had 9 kids whom he sent to private schools for 12 years. I don’t want to leave school and finding a husband who can properly support a large family isn’t an easy task. I figure that we will help each other raise our nieces and nephews instead.

What I find interesting about that thread is that my parents were uber fundy Christians. My mom banned us from watching Ghost Busters because “Satan was behind it.” My parents sent us to Catholic schools not just so we could get good education but also so that we would be raised properly Christian. I don’t think it worked. :stuck_out_tongue: None of my college age siblings go to church, the older ones I’ve talked to indepth about religion are all agnostic or atheistic. My older brother is practically engaged to a Jewish girl who works for Planned Parenthood (we told my mom the Jewish part but not the PP part). My younger sister is dating a Shiekh and I almost got married to a fellow Atheist. Luckily, my parents have become less fundamentalist over the years. My mom recently suggested Borat as a good movie to go see and nearly started a flame war in one of her online groups when she discussed evolution factually. I liked it a lot.

4

Youngest of six (I see a pattern!). My family is also huge in an extended way–I have over 100 first cousins.

I have no children and don’t intend that to change.

I think what I regret most about my childhood is not having a close relationship with anyone elderly. My grandfathers died young, one grandmother I only saw a couple of times a year, and the other developed Alzheimer. Being around the elderly feels quite foreign to me, and I regret that.

Good childhood though, despite my father’s alcoholism. Now, though, most of my family seems to be going off into a super-conservative fundie way that I just can’t absorb.

5

Youngest of nine here. One of only three girls. My family could, I suppose, be described as “white trash”. While we are certainly white, I in no way consider any member of my family to be trash.

My father was a physically huge guy, 6’8", and built like a brick. As you can imagine, all six of my brothers are fairly intimidating as well. That made dating interesting. My youngest sibling is nearly 7 years older than me, so I was clearly an afterthought/failure of birth control. I was supposed to be a twin, but the other got caught in a fallopian tube early in the pregnancy and was surgically removed. My father died on my 4th birthday.

My parents were sort of Catholic. I am very much NOT Catholic (mostly because I’ve read quite a bit of the Bible, which the Catholic Church, well, gets wrong). I went to Catholic school until the 8th grade. I was never told to go to church, other than the required mass once a week with school.

Growing up, I was insanely both over-protected and ignored. My curfew was always “be home before it gets dark”. Yeah, I was in for the night by 4:30 in the winter. No matter what I did, I never received recognition from my mother. When I took the SATs, and rocked the score, she told me not to “talk so stupid” when I mentioned college. She spent my money, even that which I earned (I also received survivor’s benefits from social security, and not a dime of that was banked, nor was it spent on much for me). I never did make it to higher education. She’d hoped that I’d be nothing (she was wrong, I turned out OK). In retrospect, I know that she had some serious addictions (smoking, drinking, and gambling). I’m also guessing that she might have been bipolar. And I’m sure losing your abusive husband and having to raise your 9 kids alone will put the smack down on your personality.

My siblings, however, spoiled the bejeesus outta me! My brothers, who were all much older, would slip me money when mom wasn’t around. They would pay for my beloved books. Their girlfriends taught me how to use makeup, and be “a girl”. My sisters would find an excuse almost every weekend to have me stay at their homes (babysitting was our usual ruse). Both my sisters were married before I was 11 years old. I have a niece who is only 10 years younger than me (and I have 17 other nieces and nephews). I talk to the younger of my 2 sisters at least 2-3 times a week. I speak with my oldest brother at least once a week. The rest of them call me when they need something. If I don’t call or visit, I don’t see them.

Christmas was EPIC! We were pretty poor, but mom threw a hell of a Christmas, right up until 1994, which was her last. She lived (and had raised us) in a very small house, and yet managed to squeeze all 9 of us, our spouses, and the kids into it. No matter what, I will miss her every day for the rest of my life.

It wasn’t Normal Rockwell, but I wouldn’t trade any of it for anything. OK, maybe I’d have made some kind of trade to have gotten an education. And a toothbrush. Oh yeah…I got issues.

6

Oldest of nine.

I have no children.

Answer the question?

7

You are a writer after my own heart. Now, as my advisor would say: take that sentence and make it a paragraph… or better yet, a chapter.

8

Oldest of six. Love my siblings, but yearned to be an only child!

9

Youngest of six here, excluding stepsiblings who I did not grow up with. I love it more now than I did when I was young and I enjoyed it then too. My favorite part now is getting to play with all of my nieces over holidays and the fact that I have managed to inherit some new siblings. My large family gives me something to look forward to when I go home for breaks. I used to really regret not being equally close to all of my siblings when I was a teenager, but now I see it as a simple fact of life. I talk to some every day and others once or twice a year. There is no bad blood between us, just not much of a connection. Growing up was fun because being the youngest meant that I learned a lot at a young age. I particularly enjoyed being the first one of my friends to figure out that it is usually more beneficial to pay 10% instead of $200 in Monopoly. Unfortunately, I spent my early years getting dominated in Scrabble. Of course, it did lead to a near perfect score on my Verbal SAT so I guess I should be thankful for all of the whoopings I was handed. They also taught me the value of being the quickest when food is involved.