Does it bother you if a man goes out of his way to act ‘romantic’ toward you only at certain times of the year when there is a high probability of an expected payoff of getting laid, such as Valentine’s Day or your anniversary?
I’ve noticed that many women don’t seem overly concerned about their SO’s underlying motivations and are happy to reward him no matter how obvious his true intentions. However, I doubt that most women would go so far as to be willing to negotiate sexual favors in exchange for specific romantic interludes, even though this would be a much better system in my opinion as all of the details could be agreed upon in advance.
I’m not suggesting that it’s impossible for a man to like to be romantic without being concerned if it will get him laid, just that everything I’ve seen thus far suggests otherwise. That’s why you generally see more romantic things being done for attractive women than for unattractive women, and why you don’t often see straight men doing romantic things for other men.
What are your thoughts? Do you scrutinize your SO’s motivations??
i’m pretty sure that’s not what he’s trying to say. i think he’s trying to say is that this couple have a “normal” sex life, but valentine’s day and sweetest day and anniversaries are days that are pretty definite in which he gets laid. perhaps it’s good sex on these instances…perhaps it’s better sex…but the point is that it’s VERY likely.
Who knows? But the OP also said that “negotiat[ing] sexual favors in exchange for specific romantic interludes … would be a much better system in my opinion…”
In other words, the basic assumption is that women don’t like sex very much, and should withhold their “favors” unless they receive negotiated-in-advance compensation.
Man! I need to introduce the OP to some of my former GF’s. I swear some of these women just don’t know when to quit. It’s like: “Hey Lady! Even a train stops, sometimes.”
There have been times that I have gone to work the next day not even wanting to THINK about sex. Which as a man, I can assure you, is a very weird feeling.
Maybe the woman’s just as happy to have a day where she’s guaranteed to get laid?
Maybe both partners treat the whole thing as a lark, a fun game to play? I.e., he makes a big show out of wooing me, and I make a big show of succumbing to his advances?
Maybe the degree to which Valentine’s Day and anniversaries are commercialized makes straight men feel pressured to act in ways against their natural inclinations, much like we all try to put on a happy face for Christmas?
I think it’s somewhat hilarious and sad that the OP assumes sex is a reward bestowed upon the man for his efforts. All it takes in my house is horniness either of our parts, and it’s ON.
Bolding mine. I think it’s a key aspect of the question.
I would say it’s a shame if those special occasions are indeed the only time the man is romantic. But I think it’s mistake to assume that getting laid is the motivation. Trying to fulfill perceived or known expectations is a more likely reason.
I’ve never actually had a guy like that. If I’m in a relationship, he’s going to be “romantic” fairly often, not just when it’s Valentine’s Day. I tend to get involved with guys who don’t need to be encouraged on these sorts of things.
I think I’m inclined to call shenanigans on the use of the word “acting.” If a guy is “acting” romantic as opposed to “being” romantic, this implies to me that he is doing it exclusively to get laid. (And this sounds like what the OP is implying; my apologies if I’m mistaken.)
In this hypothetical scenario, where the male half of a couple is not sincere in his romantic advances even on V-Day or the couple’s anniversary, isn’t this guy basically too much of a scumbag to warrant the woman’s being in a relationship with him in the first place?
I think this is fucked up. Really, who in their right mind thinks that a guy is only concerned about getting laid on someone’s birthday and valentines day? Really? If you have a girlfriend, chances are you are likely to be able to get something at least once a week. I think this is a fair estimate. Why would it pay off to buy something for sex, when you get it every week? It makes no sense. The only reason could be if said person only got sex every couple of months. I would be motivated then, but if I have a normal girlfriend, I get her valentines or birthday presents because I want her to feel good.