How do you feel about the double standard of women attacking men?

In My Humble Opinion
41

Reports are she was jealous on behalf of her sister, meaning she didn’t like Jay-Z getting too close to some other woman. Which explains Beyonce’s reaction - not supportive of the attack, but probably sympathetic as to the underlying issue.

It’s hard to dispute your assertion that plenty of people defended him - there are a lot of people out there and you can find people who do anything. But the overwhelming public opinion was extremely down on Chris Brown and he faced some serious legal consequences as well.

Why is that significant (even if true)? Does one cancel out the other?

42

My fiance works in law enforcement, and he’s seen some domestic violence perpetrated by both genders. The big problem with domestic violence by women against men is that it’s not as socially acceptable for men to escape and get help as compared to women. For example, have you ever heard of a battered men’s shelter? Not to mention the common perception that man are stronger than women, so a man who takes abuse from a woman is a pussy. Not many men want to be branded that way.

43

This is simply not true, in my jurisdiction. Our numbers are about 60%/40%, men to women being prosecuted for DV. Men tend to skew higher in intimate partnership cases… women tend to skew higher in non-intimate partner cases. My county was actually threatened with losing some not-for-profit grant money because we statistically prosecute too many women.

The real nastiness of domestic violence is in the dread and fear of substantial injury. Sounds like your ex-GF was a real asshole. But barring her picking up a gun or bladed weapon, could she have really, truly, and substantially hurt you with her slaps? Reverse it. If you slapped her as hard as you could across the face out of anger, is it likely you could break her nose or orbital? Cause bleeding? For most couples, there is simply a physical power imbalance. Period.

I currently have client now. She is five foot nothing, and weighs about 90 pounds soaking wet. Her husband was a cop, 6’4", 250. Severe alcoholic. Cops had been out to the house for multiple domestic violence calls over a period of 10 years. They never arrested him despite obvious injuries and him being intoxicated and angry. One night he strangles her almost to unconsciousness, and only stops when the kids confront him. She runs upstairs to grab a gun and put the kids in a closet, while he continues to pace and scream and shout downstairs. In less than a minute from the strangling, she walks down the stairs and shoots him. She is being charged with first degree, premeditated murder. Because when the cops interviewed her, she said, “when I went up the stairs, I did so to get a gun, because I was going to try and kill him.” Didn’t matter that she followed up with, I knew it was either that, or he was going to kill me and the kids. Even better, the neighbors called 911 and said they were pretty sure their drunken cop neighbor just shot his wife and kids. Guy was a real asshole. Trial in November.

44

This is true. In my experience, your lady is going to get arrested if their is probable cause that she assaulted you. However, you might get a few eye-rolls from the local police and magistrate. :frowning:

45

I’ve already alluded to it, but time to be direct:

The reason for battered women’s shelters isn’t just that women have somewhere to go if they’re abused - it’s so that women who are abused will have somewhere to go where their abuser can’t find them.

The point being that when men are abused by women, they can generally solve the problem by leaving*, but women who do the same are very often (and quite rationally) in fear for their lives. When a woman leaves an abusive husband/boyfriend, he typically finds her and escalates the violence.
*Note that this seems to have sufficed for both of the men in this thread who were abused by wives or girlfriends.

46

I’m interested in some elaboration on your last sentence, if you can.

In addition, that statement seems to undermine the rest of that paragragh. Because it would seem to follow that your county is an outlier.

While this has undoubtedly happened, I highly doubt if this is “typical”. Have any stats to offer?

47

No, my thoughts went to “Why on earth can’t she get a hold on herself?”

48

“The majority of intimate partner violence was committed against females (82%), compared to males (18%).”
-Nonfatal Domestic Violence, 2003–2012, Bureau of Justice Statistics, April 2014, p.6.

49

OTOH,

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2013/5/prweb10741752.htm?PID=4003003

50

I wouldn’t say we are outliers. A not-for-profit organization did an audit of our statistics, and threatened to revoke some grant money because out county prosecutes too many women. If performing audits on statistics is something this organization regularly does to ensure its money is being spent in the right way, that tells me that we are not the only county who is prosecuting too many women.

But truthfully I was just responding to the notion that a woman can beat you silly, and those keystone cops will just believe anything she says because she has tits. That just doesn’t happen. Will they give a man the eye-roll because they he says he is afraid of his 100lb girlfriend? Sure. And they will do it all the way to the cop car, whilst escorting her ass to the magistrate in cuffs.

As far as stats go about repeated acts of violence against women when they leave a violent relationship… I don’t have any stats off the top of my head. But there is a reason why domestic violence shelters are not on any map, or have an address listed in the phone book. My brother is a counselor at one in KY. Place has security like Fort Knox. I don’t think its just a big overreaction.

51

**How do you feel about the double standard of women attacking men? **

How many women are in a double standard? I assume at least two. How many men are getting attacked by two standards of women? Do men come in standards too? Let’s assume there are 100 women in a standard. Two standards of women attacking two men would be a problem. Two standards of women attacking two standards of men is nothing to worry about.

52

That closely matches what The Guardian reported four years ago.

I think this is maybe missing the point somewhat. My understanding of domestic violence is that, although severe injury or death are worst-case scenarios, the psychological damage is generally a bigger issue. I might speculate that men would actually suffer more from this because society tells them women can’t make them victims and men tend to have fewer options when it comes to emotional support.

53

If you strike another person in anger, you risk being struck yourself, man or woman. If you don’t think that you can control your anger enough to be unable to prevent yourself from hitting another person, then you need professional assistance, immediately. Again, that’s a man or a woman, in my opinion.

Solange Knowles is an immature and likely disturbed person who has a history of demonstrating her inability to deal with her own issues. She’s fortunate that her wealthy rapper brother-in-law didn’t strike her back or have his bodyguard beat the crap out of her and then pay him for his silence. This is the real world and your bad decisions can get you severely injured or worse.

If a woman hits me, I’m going to either call the police or leave the area. If she attempts to “Solange Knowles” on me, then I’m going to either restrain her forcefully or try my best to coldcock her.

Keep your hands and your problems to yourself.

54

My brother was a victim of domestic violence. I know that he was ashamed and felt he couldn’t turn to anyone because he was being attacked by his girlfriend.

When we see any event where one side appears to be going crazy and no one is getting hurt, I think it’s okay to speculate on what’s going on. I don’t think it’s a double standard to wonder. I do think it’s a double standard to act as if women cannot harm men (of course they can) or to act as if violence by women is okay (it is not).

There was a thread on this board months or years ago where someone was complaining because a “little girl” got punched by a “man.” Turns out the “little girl” was a grown woman who came at the man and got hit. One doper still argued that she was just “slapping” and that it wasn’t actual violence. That’s a fucking double standard right there.

55

What did they think was wrong with prosecuting too many women?

Firstly, they could be looking for other things as well as that one stat. But in addition, the point is not that you’re the only county with that ratio. Just that if this NPO was threatening to withdraw your funding over this ratio, then it’s highly unlikely that this is the typical ratio, or anything close to it.

Neither do I. Because even if it happens on rare occasions, it’s a big enough deal when it does happen to require measures against it.

What RTFirefly was claiming is that this is what “typically” happens. That is a highly dubious claim, and one that he likely just made up out of the blue.

56

[QUOTE=RTFirefly]
I’ve already alluded to it, but time to be direct:

The reason for battered women’s shelters isn’t just that women have somewhere to go if they’re abused - it’s so that women who are abused will have somewhere to go where their abuser can’t find them.

The point being that when men are abused by women, they can generally solve the problem by leaving*, but women who do the same are very often (and quite rationally) in fear for their lives. When a woman leaves an abusive husband/boyfriend, he typically finds her and escalates the violence.
*Note that this seems to have sufficed for both of the men in this thread who were abused by wives or girlfriends.
[/QUOTE]

RTFirefly, it really does seem that you’re just making things up, even in the face of people’s actual experiences that run counter to your belief. This is a perfect double standard, and it isn’t clear that you have any basis at all for your use of the word “typically” in your post above. I don’t think that kind of generalization is at all applicable. It’s definitely not true that there’s any kind of categorical distinction we can make between male domestic abuse of female victims and the reverse.

It’s a complicated problem. For every general trend (and they do exist) in one direction, there are thousands of people whose situations don’t fit the trend and whose lives can be seriously fucked up by assuming those trends should apply to their lives. There are men who are truly, genuinely terrorized by female abusers: who live in fear and who exhibit all the “classic” symptoms of being victimized, except for being physically dwarfed by their partner. Abuse operates, as you acknowledged, on a psychological and emotional level, not based on a physiological formula. It just isn’t the case that because of physics, abused men are free to just walk out of the house and move on with their lives in a way that women are incapable of doing*. That’s a fantastically sexist thing to assert. More importantly than being sexist, it’s totally contrary to the facts.

(On the other hand, I think it’s also cray cray to speculate that men suffer “more” because people take this position. Abuse victims suffer a balls-ton. Most of them are women.)

Editing to add:

There are formula grants that are specifically earmarked for training, developing, implementing, etc. programs to identify and prosecute violence against women. If a particular agency isn’t doing as much prosecution of abusers of women as others, the others get the funds.

57

You all might remember the story back in 2012 when McDonald’s employee Rayon McIntosh (male) was charged with felony assault after defending himself from two female customers who attacked him. When McIntosh double checked the $50 bill the women were paying with, which is standard procedure in a lot of places, they became incensed. They started insulting McIntosh, one woman slapped him, they threatened to “cut him,” and when he retreated to the kitchen they both bypassed the counter to go after him. It was then that McIntosh picked up a metal rod used to clean the griddles and in the process of defending himself he fractured one woman’s skull and put a deep gash in the arm of another.

McIntosh was arrested, he was fired, and he ended up spending 7 weeks in jail before a grand jury decided that he was acting in self-defense and dropped the charges of felony assault against him. There was a thread here on the Straight Dope and a surprising number of posters felt that McIntosh was in the wrong. Had the customers been male I doubt many people would have said McIntosh was in the wrong.

So, yes, there’s a double standard when it comes to women attacking men.

58

How about abuse in same sex relations? Is it about equal?

59

That sounds like the issue was prosecuting too few men, not too many women as llcoolbj77 seemed to be saying.

Although I might have an issue with conditioning payment on the number of men prosecuted too. Sounds like bounty hunting to me.

60

I’m sorry to hear that.