Or her current boyfriend.
I usually just introduce myself…The rest takes care of itself.
Handy, the reason I sometimes talk to her is because I have been trying to use different strategies. I’ve tried to be her friend, that doesn’t work. Also, it’s hard to just let my phone ring even when I know it’s her. Sometimes it’s just easier to answer then have everybody you’re with say “why aren’t you answering your phone?”
I think I’ll take Silentgoldfish’s approach; it just might work. I also like Dante’s phrase “pyscho who won’t leave me alone.” If I told her that I refer to her as a psycho to my friends, she might be embarrased enough to stop.
Never been that way for me. I pick up the phone, look at the caller ID, put it back down. My friends can usually figure out that means I don’t want to talk to however it was that was calling, as should yours. Tell them to mind their own business if they persist in asking you dumb questions that have obvious answers.
You can either go the confrontational way, as outlined by Dante above, or go the non-confrontational way, by never answering the phone and avoiding her at all cost. I generally prefer the former method, as the latter usually takes much longer for the light to dawn.
Get caller ID.
But being a jerk is cheaper and easier. Besides, I don’t think it’s jerkish to say, “I really don’t want to talk to you any more”, and hang up the phone. And don’t wait for a response or discussion. Just say it when you know it’s her, and hang up the phone.
For the record, this has never worked for me. It almost seems to work like a pick-up line sometimes, because invariably, 5 minutes after I say it, they’re humping my frigging leg…
:eek:
This makes me seriously wonder what that woman’s childhood was like…something along the lines of past incest?!
By the way, this has been happening to me. I don’t know how long its been going on for you, but when I broke up with my g/f she wanted to be friends, something I was at first rather apathetic about. But now, its just too unbearable- she doesn’t treat me as a friend. I’m treated as some wierd pseudo friend and she always acts like she’s in some terrible sexual peril when I’m around. Its funny, when she was dating my best friend, she cheated on him with another ex boyfriend/friend but I’m the one who can’t be trusted. Unfortunately its kind of hard to avoid her because she lives with my best friend (they are no longer dating, making it an extremely awkward situation for everybody)
If you want to be nice to her, try something like, "I’m working through my issues, and need to do it by myself, and can’t do it with you around. I’ll call you if and when I’m ready to resume our friendship. DO NOT TRY TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ME! It’s making it much harder for me to move on, and I know beyond a doubt that I need to.
"I may not ever be ready to resume our friendship. It may be years before I’m ready. But the only way I can every possibly be ready is if you give me all the space I need.
“Please do this for me.”
An ex-girlfriend once had to tell me this, to my everlasting shame. But I took the hint, and five years later, we became friends.
Daniel
Try this: Tell her you used to refer to her as your ex-girlfriend. Now you refer to her as your stalker. Then stare pointedly at her.
You can be direct, which will end it quick and easy.
Or…
Every time she calls, pick up. Talk to her. But talk to her about your new girlfriend. Don’t have one? Even better! Make her up. Don’t stop talking about her. Don’t emphasize enough how **absolutely, incredibly, mind-blowingly sizzling hot ** she is. In fact, if your ex had a part of her body/appearance that she was insecure or lacking in, make sure that this part of your new, probably imaginary girlfriend is ab-so-lute-ly perfect.
Don’t let her change the subject. Ever. All of your discussion will revolve around Aphrodite. She will stop calling you. I promise.
HAHAHA…Gaijin, you’re cracking me up man. I might have to try that one too. That suggestion is hilarious.
Conti, I feel your pain. Not being a jerk simply doesn’t work very well…no matter what you do, if you do get rid of her she’s going to think of you as a jerk. You might as well resign yourself to it.
Thisis easier said than done. My ‘stalker,’ who I’ll call Mindy, calls incessantly. I -never- return her calls, so she leaves hysterical voicemail messages, which I don’t respond to either. She corners me in the hall at school and harasses me about not calling her back…I make an excuse and continue doing nothing.
AND IT DOESN’T FRIGGIN’ WORK. Double damn.
Next time I see her number on the ID I’m just going to tell her I’m busy whichever night she wants me to go out because I have a date with my boyfriend. It might get the point across.
Don’t pick up the phone if you know it’s her, and if you do end up talking to the girl get off the line as quickly as possible. You’re ‘busy’ everytime she wants to go out. Hopefully she’ll have more common sense than Mindy and she’ll leave you alone.
If she’s really that persistent, then she’s definitely edging into stalker territory.
According to Gavin DeBecker in The Gift of Fear, you have to cut off contact with her completely. If you give in and talk to her, then she learns that the “price” of talking to you is x number of attempts. If she leaves you 10 messages on the machine, and on the 11th you pick up and plead with her not to call anymore, she learns that the price for talking to you is to make 10 calls.
Tell her ONCE that you will not be talking to her again.
And don’t talk to her again.
Then if she leaves a message, ignore it.
If you happen to pick up and it’s her, just hang up.
If she knocks on your door, don’t answer. Don’t tell her to leave because that would be talking to her. Just don’t answer. (Or call the cops if you have to, but I’d only do that as a last resort.)
If she sees you in person, walk away. Leave the premesis if you have to. If she follows you, call the cops. Don’t tell her that you’re going to call the cops because that would be talking to her. Just do it.
And if your friends question you about why you’re not picking up the phone/answering the door/leaving the bar, etc., just tell them the simple truth–that you are being stalked, and that you have to do this to avoid your stalker.
Good luck.
This myth has been debunked already on this board.
It seems to me that there really isn’t any way to get the point across to her without being a jerk. The next step is to try to be the least jerk that you can when you talk to her again.
Good luck.
It’s worked for all but two of my ex’s. One of those is dead, so we’re not friends anymore.
I have to agree with the “don’t talk to her” thing. If she calls, hang up. She should get the hint.
No, no, no!
Steve’s method of breaking up with a woman was better than that.
You simply say “I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee.”
Then you throw doggie poop on her shoes.
From where I stand, there is nothing more infuriating than having someone ignore you. However, it sounds like you’ve made your situation very clear, so I’d be brutally honest:
"Listen, X. I’ve tried to be as honest as I can with you about the situation, and I’ve tried being delicate about this, but it hasn’t worked. So you’re behavior is forcing me to be more indelicate than I’d like.
I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. That’s why we’re NOT in a relationship. I thought we could be friends, but you obviously don’t undertstand the concept of friends. So I’m giving you one more chance to prove that you CAN be a friend and stop harrassing me. I’m tired of letting the phone ring off the hook, and I’m tired of feeling like a jerk just because I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. "
Or, alternately, print off this thread and mail it to her.
In this case, being straightforward isn’t being a jerk. Every time you’re “nice,” you give the impression that there’s some kind of an out, that there might be a chance if she just tried harder, kind of like what Green Bean said above. You have to be completely direct, completely and unequivocably clear. You can do that without being a jerk. “Look, it’s over. There’s no reason for you to call me, we’re not getting back together, and if you call me again I won’t talk to you.” And then don’t. That’s not being a jerk. Not being honest and direct with her, and leaving her opportunities to fool herself, knowing she’s doing it and still letting her because you don’t want to confront the issue–that could be construed as being a jerk.
(I’m not saying you’re being a jerk, you understand–it’s clear you don’t want to hurt this person’s feelings. But if you stand back a bit, your perspective shifts, is all, and it’s worth re-evaluating things.)
It’s been my observation that, in may case, talking to her is usually enough