Question posed to me, recently:
“What’s the one thing you can say to a girl to make her never want to be with you?”
Any ideas? What first came to my mind was “I’m dying of a communicable disease.”
I hear that they hate the word “cunt”.
That should do it, don’t you agree? 
How about:
In the past I have been talked about my wife, well, we’re not really married, who lives in a trailer park outside Phoenix. I mean, it’s that I don’t want to be with my kids and all, but it’s not like there was a paternity test, I’m not legally bound to send them help. I like 'em, but she’s been hanging out with that cranked up biker and stays out at all hours and that’s just no way to raise kids, ya know? Hell, who knows if they’re really mine, we were into all kinds of crazy shit. Do you think I should call DFACS on her? I mean, if I did it anonymously, they wouldn’t make me take the kids, would they? I just don’t have time for that stuff right now.
Trust me, it works.
“She’s lying; I stopped beating her months ago.”
Being on first name basis with any police officer who is not a neighbor, friend or relative would get me gone.
Based on a loooong history of experience, the one thing I can tell womem to turn them away from me is “Hello,” followed by my name.
I still get thank-you notes from convents in my area from when I was trying to date in my college years.
Here baby, go to this address and take care of this John. Bring me back the money and we won’t have a problem, you dig?
Along those lines:
“You look positively delicious. Can I use you for tonight’s stew?”
Well, hell, if you’re walking up to women and saying “Hello Sauron”, I can see why you’ve been having issues.
“I’m an insurance actuary.” Trust me, it works like a charm.
My ex was a liar. She fell down those stairs by herself. All the witnesses took her side at the trial. She must have paid them off.
Keep mentioning how hot her sister and mother are. Ask her to introduce you to women you see.
“I hate your tits”
When you ask her out on a date, be sure and tell her how she looks EXACTLY like your sister.
“Wow, you’re almost as sexy as my daughter.”
You could always go for a classic:
“I’m Batman”
It depends on how well you know her. “I love you and want to marry you, like, today” would work for someone you’ve known for all of a day. Of course, if it backfires, you’re in deep trouble.
Wouldn’t work on me. I think actuaries are sexy.
(Yes, I sell health insurance)
One that would work on me:
“How about we see a movie, have some dinner and go back to my place? Mom’s out of town this week, we’ll have the whole place to ourselves!”
You don’t sweat much for a fat lass!
What usually worked for me was, “Hi, I’m Dragwyr.” They’d never even talk to me afterwards. I don’t know why.