So, I am dating this wonderful woman. Intelligent, we have common interests, can talk for hours and she is beautiful. I really wonder how I managed to get this lucky!
The problem is this asshole that we both know. She has been divorced for more than a year and a half. This jerk had asked her out when she was still married. Oddly enough she said NO. Indeed she had to restrain her husband at the time from killing this jerk.
Then she gets divorced. He asks her out. She says no. She starts dating someone else, he asks her out, she says no.
She stops going out with the other guy and begins dating me. Asshole finds out, and responds by asking her out. This time he gets confronted, not only by her, but by her 6'3" 230 lb. boyfriend. Both tell him to back off, and quit sleazing in her direction. She is NOT interested, has never been interested, and will never be interested.
He does not appear to have gotten the hint, as he is now interrogating mutual friends about who she has dated and when, and trying to prove she dated more than one person at the same time. He seem bent on proving to her and others that it would be okay for her to go out with him. He, by the way has often hit on married, or attached women, has been involved in a several affairs, and is known to treat women he is sleeping with like trash.
Now we also have to deal with a few idiot friends.
Friend One volunteered to talk to asshole before we did, and felt the need to “leave the door open for hope”. Told asshole that she and I might break up, and then he could ask her out (we are quite happy thank you). Not any help at all.
Friend Two is worse. This is a friend of hers that asshole has been crying to. She has problems with monogamous relationships, and thus feels that my ladyfriend should "give him a chance, since he seems to love you." Pardon me bitch, but I am in love with her, and am very insulted by the suggestion that she should dump me to try a fling with asshole boy!
So I pit asshole boy, and “friends” one and two. Yes, if a woman says she is not interested in someone, that may just mean she is not interested in them.
As for him, boy do I despise people like him. It’s like having to beat them with sledgehammers to get them away and then they act all “wounded” and retaliate when they really brought it on themselves by being penises. Feh.
Those “friends” sound more like Thing 1 and Thing 2.
WTF?
I am so glad I don’t have friends like that.
If he keeps calling etc–I second the restraining order–he seems a wee unstable…
Then again, has your GF TRULY told him NO, in absolute terms–like “get the fuck away from me, you creep, and the next time you ask me anything, I’m calling the cops” type stuff.
Sometimes women aren’t very clear to men (especially men who seem, well, stupid).
Maybe you need to get all ogrish on them? I find that one or more of lawyers, guns, and money can be useful in such struggles. The restraining order sounds like a good idea against this guy.
Sweetums was always one of my favourite Muppets. My dream Haloween cstume was to dress up as him, and be about three metres tall.
Yeah, but not always; which I’m sure is where Asshole boy learns this asinine behaviour from. :rolleyes:
Not trying to imply your GF in particular is sending him false signals.
Yep, the last time she actually used the phrase "even if (Sweetums) gets hit by a bus, you have no chance." Funny thing you should mention him being stupid. One of his favorite come-ons is to tell women that they should have sex with him because he feels that "intelligent people should breed." So far as I can tell, he does not seem to be showing very many signs of intelligence.
She has indeed considering a restraining order, and both of us have friends (other than friend one and friend two) who are lawyers or police officers.
In addition to the restraining order, she needs to cease all contact. If he calls, don’t answer (if you don’t have caller ID, just hang up), if he tries to talk to her, walk away, don’t even tell him no, or anything.
It’s not necessarily an intelligence thing, per se. I know plenty of very intelligent guys who simply have no social skills or self-awareness whatsoever.
Maybe I’m just dumb, but what’s the basis for a restraining order? They don’t generally hand them out like candy, particularly when your argument is based on, “But he’s annoying!”
I don’t say this to diminish what you or she may be feeling, but simply to be realistic. I don’t see stalking from your fact pattern, nor do I see anything that indicates imminent threat. I am, of course, not likely to be admitted in your jurisdiction, so maybe there’s a law out there in your state that has a significantly lowered threshold for TROs. I’d be shocked were that the case, but then it wouldn’t be the first time I was wrong. Second time, maybe. Or third. But not the first.
As a practical matter, my advice is that you deal with this the old-fashioned way: just ignore him. Ignore mutual friends that talk about him. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Even if he never stops his campaign of madness, what do you care? He’s ignorable. So ignore him.
Campion’s right. TRO’s aren’t granted just because somebody’s creepy, or weird, or annoying, or an asshole. TRO’s aren’t granted because people won’t stop asking particular girls who are attached out on dates.
TRO’s are granted because someone has demonstrated that they are a threat to the person requesting the orders. Violence, threats, craziness. Not pushiness and sleaziness.
Cut off contact. Bid farewell. If he continues to stalk, harass, or do other things, make sure to document them, and if he ever crosses the line into TRO territory, go to court.
I blame Hollywood. How many movies have you seen where the persistent guy gets the girl? Likely, he imagines himself as the star of one of these films, where she’s really attracted to him, but doesn’t know it, and in the end, realizes they were meant for one another.
Sooner or later, he’ll get frustrated, tell himself that he’s fallen out of love with her, and move on to another target.
Sweetums, the gentleman who’s been partially responsible for me not going to fencing practice has a suggestion. Since a clear and simple, “Leave me alone” hasn’t worked, someone might try suggesting to this man that, if he truly wants to win your heart, he might be able to do so by completing a quest to prove he has sufficient nobility of spirit. Tell him she has always said she would do [insert activity of your choice] for a man who’s spent three years working for the Peace Corps in somewhere like Zimbabwe, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, or some other place with mostly primitive conditions and a nasty government.
Alternatively, the gentleman has one other suggestion, if your pride can stand it. Tell him she only likes virgins. If need be, I’d even be willing to testify to your virginal status and I’ll do my best to do so with a straight face. Please don’t hurt either one of us. Unfortunately, he has worse.
Trust me, folks, intelligent does not mean socially ept. One of the least attractive Mensans I know has allegedly told a woman he could “provide references” which would attest to his sexual prowess. Considering no woman I know has slept with this man, I’m afraid to ask where the references are coming from! :eek:
Folks, I know Sweetums in real life, and there is a distinct resemblance. He is quite capable of being one scary individual! Most men with more brains than testosterone would get the hint. Since this one won’t, I suggest she suggest he go on a quest to . . . hmmm. Afghanistan’s nice this time of year.
Second time, maybe. Or third. But not the first.