OK I have a little dilemma here. The Charlotte Dopefest is coming up and I’m not sure what to do.
My girlfriend is not a “computer person” at all. In fact, none of my real life friends are. I still have friends that aren’t quite sure what email is. My girlfriend has a computer at home that she uses once or twice a week and she thinks it’s really cool that I’m into computers, but I don’t really do the computer thing when she’s around. She has never heard of the Straight Dope. She’s never heard of Cecil Adams. The subject has never come up but I’m pretty sure she would be freaked out about meeting someone from the internet.
The problem is that I really want to go to the Charlotte Dopefest. I figure I have two options:
#1 - Just go and don’t say anything. Extremely risky. It’s most likely going to be on a Friday or Saturday night. What am I gonna do, turn my cell phone off and just head out alone for the night? There’s a slight chance she might be really tired and just go home and go to bed but like I said, it’s risky. She wouldn’t think I was cheating or anything but she probably would grill me about where I was, and I cannot lie to this girl. I physically can’t do it.
#2 - Tell her about the dopefest and invite her. This is what I would like to do but I’m afriad of the possible repercussions. There’s a good chance that she could start laughing and eventually tell all my friends about it. My friends would never let me live it down if they found out I went to a bar with a group of friends off the 'net (yea they’re jerks but I love them.) There’s also a good chance that she could give me this disgusted look and say “What? Why would you want to do that? No, I just don’t understand…why?” And it’s likely that she truly won’t understand.
Sigh.
What do you guys think? Have you ever brought any outsiders to a dopefest? How did you explain it to them? How did they react? What did they think afterwards?
If she’s in the same area, invite her to go with you - just tell her you’re going out with a group of friends and ask if she wants to go along.
Or, again, tell her you’re going to hang out with friends. You don’t have to specify where you know them from.
We’ve been together for 2 years Lsura, I can’t just say “Oh I forgot to tell you about these 20 people I hang out with on a regular basis that will probably be wearing nametags and talking about messageboards.”
I was in a similar situation with my ex, and he ended up showing up briefly … in order to make sure I wasn’t being raped or murdered by these strange Internet people, I suspect. Wish I could tell you something encouraging, but in fact it was pretty awkward, and I’m inclined to keep real-life acquaintances and online stuff separate in the future (unless I’m lucky enough to meet someone who hangs out at the same boards I do, of course).
Oh well, I guess you’re least likely to run into problems further down the line if you just tell her where you’re going and don’t make a big deal of it.
Explain it to her. Invite her along. Dopers are people too, sorta.
Criminy, we’re just like everyone else, only moreso! If she likes talking to people and hanging out, she should enjoy herself. If she mocks you, then she’s obviously not worthy of you and you need to hook up with a Doper woman!
OK, maybe that’s a little extreme… Still, it’s not like we’re a buncha freaks. We’re just people who talk via computer. You want we should educate her??
Sorry - I didn’t know it was a long term relationship (my mind automatically thinks short-term when I hear girlfriend, and long-term when I hear SO these days. I don’t know why.) No offense intended.
Interesting question. On another board where I’ve been for several years we just had the question come up of a man telling his wife that he’s known the women in the group (the guys she wouldn’t care about) for several years. It wasn’t so much that he talks with us daily, it’s that he’s kept it from her for so many years. I’d just tell her exactly what the scenario is. either she gets it or she doesn’t, it shouldn’t keep you from going.
I get really disgusted with the real life folks who think the Internet people are equivalent to ghosts. I get much better conversation from my Internet buds. I also have a strong feeling I’m going to marry someone I meet online. It’s a big part of my daily life and my SO or boyfriend is going to have to have a grip on it. Plain & simple.
The way I often explain it is that the gatherings are for groups of folks who enjoy reading a newspaper column. It sounds intellectual and less weird, and for god’s sakes it’s true, isn’t it? I often expand on it to add that there is a message board to discuss the columns and other items of interest, some of which get real random.
For some reason, the idea that it’s for fans of a column seems less freakish than what someone people immediately conclude about message boards, which is that they bring together freaky lonely people who have to go online to have a social life.
I also don’t think it’s a problem that you haven’t mentioned it before. I mean, do you know everything your girlfriend reads?
The only awkward thing can be if the Dopefest attendees get overfond of inside jokes and recalling great threads of yore. Non-SDMB people can feel awfully bored and left out when that happens. But most people are sensitive, and will be just as interested as getting to know your girlfriend as getting to know you.
I don’t know if this’ll help or not, Cisco, but my co-workers are well aware of my association with this board. That came to light when they’d ask where I went over the weekend, or how I used a couple of vacation days.
Their initial reactions were sort of…, “Hmm, I never would’ve thought Ringo would do that!” But it’s gotten much better with time.
They don’t know the name of the board and they will never get it from me. They do, though, understand the gist of it, and have even asked me to post questions here.
I think the old, “Eewww! Internet people!” reaction of the non-such is slowly adjusting to reality.
Why not tell her about it…and see how she reacts? She might not even want to go, might be perfectly fine with you going yourself–considering you were up front about what a dopefest is and that it probably wouldn’t appeal to her. Then it’s her call, you don’t have the “I lied, she’ll find out and leave me, we’re all going to die” vibe following you around all day.
I’m with imthjckaz, out yourself and be done with it.
How did I get around the problem? I got all of my friends, well the clever important ones to join here. Now when I go to a fest in Ireland I’m meeting new people but also going on the piss with some of my oldest friends
Inivite her along. All sorts of people turn up to dopefests. Some of them are alleged to be able to hold a conversation about non-geeky stuff. And there’s often more than one “drag along”, it’s just going out with a bunch of (mostly) harmless strangers. Everyone’s first time is awkward. And if the worst comes to the worst, it’s hardly the end of the world is it?
Unless you’re one of those couples who have matching shoes at all times.
Actually, I have found that it depends a lot on the people there. I know some Dopers who will talk about little besides the boards and others who want to talk about real life stuff.
It does help rather much when you have known them personally for a while and have real life experiences to talk about as well.
The first time I was interested with this was more than a year and a half ago. I was still new, but I saw a Thurday DDopedinner planned in NYC. I really wanted to meet soem of the people who were planning on going, notably Biggirl, so I talked my wife into it.
She had never seen the boards and only knew about them what I had told her. She was also a little nervous about meeting people just from the computer, as you can meet some crazies sometimes.
Even after that it took her months to actually sign up and to this day she only lurks every now and then, but we have a lot of great friends all over the place now - in real life - thanks to this board.
In every way, it is no different than doing anything for the first time - first day of school, new job, or just meeting new people at a party - which is what a Fest is, really.
The only difference is you can have reasonable expectations of what some folks are actually like and have things to talk about right off the bat.
Why wouldn’t she want to come? You get to sit with a lot of fun people who drink for hours & then fall down drunk laughing hysterically & become very, very friendly in the process. THat might be why I only went to one dopefest.
to join here. Now when I go to a fest in Ireland I’m meeting new people but also going on the piss with some of my oldest friends