All my life I’ve been classified as a pal to guys. I have tons of guy friends who think of me as one of the guys with the benefit of having boobs they can stare at occasionally.
I’ve questioned the men in my life as to why I’m in that role and why they’ve never approached me romantically. And the answer continues to be: “I don’t think of you that way”. That gets a little rough on the ego, let me tell you.
Attractiveness is not the issue. Men are attracted to me, but once they meet me, I sink into this pal role. On one hand it is flattering to know that men are comfortable in my presence and want me as a friend. But, on the other hand, it’s annoying as hell. I’m getting rather tired of being single.
Ladies, have you had this sort of experience?
Men, what do I do to get ya’ll to notice that I’m more than just a friend?
Welcome to the boards, Cahyay
At 16 I would sit in the snack bar at my highschool surrounded by the football stars, the Press Club president and the Senior class president and didn’t get asked to the prom. At the Homecoming dance, to which I went dateless, I danced with the captain of the warerpolo team, the big man on campus, almost all night while his date was constantly in the girl’s restroom. He said I was the most fun girl he knew. I wasn’t ugly but I had no idea of my own sex appeal and I think these boys knew it. I also wasn’t one to hug and touch my ‘friends’. (I was a little scared of those feelings.)
I advise you to become more physical. Ruffle their hair, rub their backs, then pick out the one who gives you tingles and focus your attention on him. I bet he will think of you as more than one of the guys.
But, seriously, do you notice this right away? Or does it take a while to get into the friend zone?
I had a longtime friend ask me why I never cruised her, when I had dated about every other girl she knew. It wasn’t about being physically attracted to her, because I would’ve done her at the drop of a hat, if looks were the only thing I cherished in her.
But, every BF/GF type relationship I get into ends. And it is never the same afterwards. I valued her true friendship more than the sensual desires of my flesh.
A true friend is a good thing to have.
You might try to get yourself into situations where you can flirt and use body language. Like dancing. Dancing can be incredibly sensual, giving rise to thoughts in a man’s head that maybe he hadn’t noticed yet.
I’m a very flirty person by nature. With my male friends, we are always touching and flirting, etc. But, it’s a flirting that doesn’t lead anywhere.
NoClueBoy-It doesn’t happen immediately when I meet a man. First they are interested in me physically. The length of time varies but it happens rather quickly after chatting with me and getting to know me.
I’ve had my male friends tell me very similar things that you told your longtime friend. It’s just that after getting to know me a bit, they like me as a friend and put the idea of a relationship aside.
The topic was inspired by one particular male friend telling me the other night that he loves me and that I make him happy, but that he would never risk having a relationship where he could lose me.
So, like I said earlier, it’s flattering to be liked so well by the male of the species. I love my male friends. But, I’m feeling a lot of frustration, wondering what the hell is wrong with me.
Just to clarify: by ‘lead anywhere’ I don’t mean sex. I could have cheap sex with just about any male. I mean, the flirting is fun but won’t lead to anything more serious.
And to clarify/give you confidence… You sound like you must be a reasonably attractive girl. If you are the only girl in a group of guys, they probably ALL secretly/not-so-secretly lust after you. Be confident!
You sound like a wonderful girl. Don’t rush things, but maybe you need to make an intention clear.
If a girl that was friend of mine told me in an intimate conversation that she loves me, I would take her in my arms, hold her very close, look deep into her eyes, and then make motorboat noises with my lips on her forehead.
When she broke up laughing, i would then kiss her.
Happened recently with a different close friend. (She’s the one who kissed me while we were laughing) But, now we aren’t dating any more because things showed up between us taht weren’t obvious in a non BF/GF type relationship.
Can you see why we fear that kind of change sometimes?
But, you never know if you don’t go for it.
Go for it. Make the first move. And let us know what’s going on.
Cahyay, I know exactly how you feel…I have guy pals, and they only interest they have in my is to give them female advice. Sometimes when they complain that no girl is looking for a nice guy, I get a sudden urge to point at my boobs and remind them I am female.
“Men are attracted to me, but once they meet me, I sink into this pal role. On one hand it is flattering to know that men are comfortable in my presence and want me as a friend. But, on the other hand, it’s annoying as hell. I’m getting rather tired of being single.”
So what is it, exactly, that you want, Cahyay? Sex? A boyfriend? A perceived boyfriend? Perceived sex? What?
Sounds like you have lots of friends. I guess if you really want to go further with one of them, then it’s as easy as initiating more serious contact, as one or two posters have suggested. Men are, after all, notoriously easy to get into a mood for love.
My advice is to think about what you really want before you start groping.
