(I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, and so I spend a lot of time learning how to be a ‘normal’ person, hence my question).
We are in one of those situations where things just keep getting worse and worse. Inconvenient house renovations that are taking forever to resolve. Work stresses. Extracurricular project stresses (my partner’s). Medical crisis (mine). Young kids now home for the summer. House cleaner going away for weeks. You get the picture.
Normally I take solace in my artwork, but there is so little time and space for art at the moment that it would mostly be an added stress. Not having time for it is also a stress, though, because i really don’t feel whole without it. i think I am doing a pretty good job of letting things go as much as possible, and not catastrophizing, but I’m not so good at finding other ways to rejuvenate myself so I can get up the next day ready to face the crap again and again.
How specifically do you get through the hard times? What about if you have to give up something important to you, for a while, what do you do to compensate?
Hard times? And “House cleaner going away for weeks”.
To some of us hard times refers to major economic problems. In any event the house cleaner problem can be resolved by hiring a temporary replacement.
“Young kids now home for summer” I would think this would be a time for enjoyment, not a feeling of hard times. Maybe you can put them up for adoption so they won’t be a problem anymore.
I always remind myself that things could be worse. I reach out to family and friends for comfort and conversation. I spend a lot of time walking my dog because seeing him enjoy his simple life and being outside with him makes me forget about life’s other stresses. I focus on what I do have. I read books and articles online to get my mind going in new directions. Audiobooks and podcasts are also a good escape. I treat myself to new things (usually inexpensive new things). I also think writing your thoughts out can be very helpful. Additionally, it helps to laugh, so I watch silly videos on YouTube, usually involving cute animals. Those always cheer me up and I do think laughter is the best medicine.
On top of being stressed out and having a hard time dealing you also get to deal with people who can’t keep their fingers from typing jerkish things. Lovely. I can afford someone to clean for me too, I guess I’d better not be looking for any help around here if I need a good word.
The first thing that jumps out at me is your medical crisis. Are you okay? That in itself is a stressful enough thing without adding a bunch of other things. Are you well enough to exercise? That is always helpful for me to release tension and feel better.
Lengthy house renovations are hellish because your house is torn up and if you’re like me, not having an orderly home is stressful. Keep telling yourself that it’s temporary and things will get back to normal again. In the meantime make cleaning up a family affair. All kids are old enough to help in some way or another. Delegate things to make things as orderly as possible.
A day at the spa relaxes me. How about a massage? Go off to a park by yourself and relax? Go to a movie by yourself? Maybe find a local hotel that has a pool for the kids and splurge on a night there if you can afford it? You can all get away as a family from the house and and just have fun for a night.
You say you’re from a very dysfunctional family so don’t know how to cope. Sounds like you’ve been coping by distancing yourself. Maybe spend your art time with your kids (and SO?) Get to know them so their presence doesn’t seem like such an intrusion. Consider this your Summer of New Content.
For many of us, “hard times” involves wondering how we’re going to pay the rent, or if we’re going to be able to eat between now and our next paycheck. The OP is fortunate enough to afford home renovations and a house cleaner, which puts him/her leagues above ‘hard times’. Unless the health issues are life threatening, the OP’s situation is merely ‘stressful’.
Perhaps being shown that by the denizens here will change the OP’s perspective a little.
Eating. Exercising. Reading. Writing. TV. Movies. Gardening. Cleaning. Trips to the park. Hiking. Making arts and crafts with the kids. Playing games with the kids. Eating with the kids. Exercising with the kids. Reading to the kids. Writing stories with the kids. Watching TV and movies with the kids.
Vacations.
Visiting family and friends.
Sleeping.
Surfing the web.
Daydreaming.
I can’t imagine not being able to do art. But one thing about being so obsessed with it is that I really have to work to include other activities in my life, just so that I can function. It is so easy to think of art is this all-encompassing, life-giving force. It really isn’t. It’s just something you’re really passionate about. Plenty of people manage to have fulfilling lives without it and so can you for a couple of months. Your kids will appreciate having more of you.
To an impoverished family in a developing or third world nation, angst over how to keep paying the rent or choice between paying a bill or buying a meal is an unimaginable luxury. How would those criticizing OP for her situation like to find themselves chastened for their angst-y silliness? A crisis to one is a matter of perspective to another, but makes it no less a crisis to the person dealing with the situation.
OP: first, hope that your medical situation is resolved soon. Being ill adds a pall to everything. Is it possible to find another place to stay while renovations are going on? If health issue is critical, can you enlist help from family/close friends? If not practical, then please do what you can to take care of yourself.
I like to book some time at a salon spa when I am really tense. Yeah, I know, horrors that I have money and other people struggle to pay the rent, etc, blah. A good, fragrant massage and luxury pedicure might help reduce stress for a short time. Taking an hour to relax in a hot, bubbly tub with scented candles and a really good book is another favorite of mine.
For fuck’s sake, it’s not like he’s posting about how hard it is to find good help on his yacht these days. Your point is about as valid as telling your kid, “You’d better clean your plate, because there are starving kids in China!” If you can’t get past your own personal baggage to offer advice to the OP, then don’t fucking post in this thread.
I keep reminding myself that “this too shall pass”. Some day the renovations will be done, the kids will go back to school, and the housecleaner will return from vacation. Until then, don’t make major life decisions or have “serious” conversations with your spouse that you may regret.
What is stopping you from hiring a temp house cleaner? Or a day camp for your kids? Till you are more healed from your illness? You sound like the kind of family that likely has some savings. Consider using some of them now to protect your mental health and reduce stress on your physical health. And get everybody through your difficult time.
When I was 7 years old I was raped and suffocated and left for dead. I have had hard times that most people couldn’t even imagine.
I have also worked hard for what I have now. And yes, I am struggling in a situation that maybe most wouldn’t. But then if you have ever tried functioning for weeks with severe pain that heavy narcotics barely even touches, and didn’t get overwhelmed, my hats off to you.
We are hoping we have more luck finding a temporary cleaner than we are finding someone to finish the renovations. My littlest is too young for summer camp; daycare is a possibility but she doesn’t do well with changes so that is truly a last resort.