If this is in the incorrect section please move the thread dear ol’ mods and thanks to anyone who reads this, it’s a bit lengthy.
Now this is not as uncomplicated as it sounds. I’m an 18-year-old, attractive (gotta keep it real, don’t I?) black gay male and I’m having the hardest time making new friends. I don’t emit anything of insecurity or uncertainty (at least I don’t think so)…I love myself, I’m confident about my abilities, do what I love doing and do what I have to do for myself. It’s like…what now? It’s a little depressing doing everything solo.
I’m not searching for the secret answer that will solve everything – just some practical advice.
Some background information: I maybe have 3 real friends and they’re all busy. One, my best friend (whom is a girl), two, my gay friend…we mainly talk on the phone and three, my other gay friend who I hardly see. They’re all really busy people.
I am on the lookout for gay friends because my straight friends don’t really understand…I’d love to be myself…liberal with people who might have a better understanding of me. It’s not that I want that, I feel I need that…it is very draining playing this false character in front of almost everyone I know.
So how do I go about meeting people? The only options I could comprise are: clubbing, bars and Internet.
I go clubbing (thanks to the benefits of looking older). I go to an urban one. It’s the only urban club (meaning it’s more ethnic) in Toronto and possibly Canada. I have been to the usual clubs and bars where it’s predominantly white people…but none of them want to talk to me. I’m guessing it’s because I’m not the blue eyed, blond haired boy. When I do go clubbing typically the older men (as in 40 years old) who are disgustingly perverted approach me. I try to force myself to stay in contact and be their friends but something like that tells me it’s headed nowhere. – I met a whopping number of 2 people :rolleyes: ever since I obligated myself to go out looking for people. One of them, I got myself into trouble with, consequently we don’t talk and the either, one night of an innocent fling = no returned phone calls but he’ll still tap me on the shoulder and smile at me at the club. So nice of him…
Bars, no one wants to talk to me or is willing to approach me.
Internet…haven’t met anyone so far (that are willing to just be friends). It’s all about sex. I wish I was promiscuous but the thought of having sex terrifies me (with the STD’s and all), I’ve only had it with two people and they were my long-term boyfriends. Most people on the Internet that I’ve talked to, like to delude themselves that they’ll find the faultless poster boy for Nike. Some people’s standards are simply unattainable it’s very discouraging.
Sure, I’m also relationship minded but I think I have friends they’ll introduce me to people and perhaps one can form from their.
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Is there anything different I should do? I’ve taken the aggressive and submissive approach clubbing but I wasn’t very successful. I tried support groups but I’d like to know why no one goes there. – Sometimes I think this is asking for way too much but I think this would be a healthy thing. I’m tired with being sheltered it’s frustrating.
So…anyone?