I’ve never been to a strip club, so I have no idea.
But I’ve had plenty of cute young waitresses flirt with me and call me pet names, even though I’m a flabby 54 year old and I KNOW I’m not especially attractive. I don’t mind a bit, but I assume (almost certainly correctly) that these young ladies are just trying to increase their tips, and that they’ll treat the next male customer the same way.
Is it POSSIBLE there’s been a waitress or two who actually liked me? I suppose so… but I never took a waitress’ smile to mean she liked me more than any other average customer or that she wanted to me ask her out, and I never have.
Assume the stripper doesn’t like you better than any other viewer, that she just wants your tip money, and you’ll be better off.
Back in my mid twenties I used to frequent one of the local strip clubs with some of the other young single male associates from the law firm that I worked for, and during a lap dance one girl told me seductively that she “just loves it when we come in.” I gave her a friendly “yeah, right” and she conceded that she did view her interactions with us as part of her job, but that most girls in her line of work tend to have a preference for younger, well groomed, in shape, professional and, I’m only quoting her, white, patrons and this will bring about genuine enthusiasm in the way she performs her job. I have no problem accepting that as true.
I guess a good analogy would be from my days of waiting tables in college - I never had any customers that I enjoyed waiting on so much that I would have invited them over to my house to serve them dinner on my own time, but I certainly had some that I preferred over others, and the quality of the service I gave them probably reflected that somewhat.
Well…I suppose you could marry one like a couple of my friends have.
Another guy I know got himself slapped and a drink in the face from a stripper he somehow managed to piss off within 20 seconds of entering the club.
Back in the day, my friends and I used to frequent several Manhattan strip clubs on a pretty regular basis. To the point where even though I almost never go anymore, there are still a couple of clubs where I never have to pay a cover. So I like to think I’ve become somewhat of an expert on strip clubs.
Strippers are not robots and they aren’t Academy Award winning actresses. They are people doing a very customer-facing job. While part of their job is making you feel like you’re awesome, it isn’t completely out of the realm of possibility that if you are nice, reasonably attractive and put together and maybe even a bit funny and charming, they might rather spend their time with you, rather than some fat old loudmouth drunken jerk.
A couple rules of thumb:
Don’t talk their ear off / let them talk your ear off if you have no intention of getting a (typically $20) dance or buying them drinks.
If you are actually interested in getting to know a stripper socially, go to the club on a slow night when there’s not a lot of people. Chances are they will be pretty bored and wouldn’t mind some chit chat, so long as you remember rule 1).
If you tell her that you aren’t interested in buying any dances, but she still pops by to chat when she has downtime, that might indicate she actually likes chatting with you. Or she might just be bored and hoping you change your mind about a dance.
Don’t be a jerk.
Try not to be a chump, but also understand that this is her place of business. You wouldn’t go to a restaurant or bar and bother a waitress or bartender for hours and not order anything.
I kind of don’t care if she is “faking”. I’m not there for a wife. Part of the fun of going to a strip club is being entertained by a charming, attractive woman. I don’t want to hang out with some dud speaking broken English with an Eastern European accent.
If she gives you her number or asks to meet outside the club, chances are she likes you.
How do normal women treat you outside of the strip club? If you are suddenly more charming and attractive in the blue/red neon light of the club, chances are she probably doesn’t like you that much.
Aside from the fact that she’s mostly naked, do you really want to date a manic depressive 23 year old with a drug problem and daddy issues or an unskilled 35 year old single mom (with a drug problem and daddy issues)? My friend from work who married a stripper used to complain that she wouldn’t find a job. “Well what sort of work was she doing when you guys met?” I asked. “It’s not like you can submit her resume to the bankruptcy restructuring group at the office.”
For many strippers, as you’d expect, it is purely business. That being said, if you treat them nicely and respectfully and there’s actual chemistry, some are willing to take a chance. I dated quite a few strippers I first met as their customer, and now I’m very happily married to one of them (though she hasn’t been a stripper for a few years now).
Ironically, before I visited our local strip club, I had very little luck at all with women. I’m a naturally shy person, and I’m always very self-conscious about approaching new people. I could never just walk up to a girl I didn’t know and start talking to her. With strippers, though that didn’t matter – a strip club is one of the few places where attractive women will approach a man and even compete for attention. If you are charming, kind, and respectful, that already puts you ahead of 75% of the other guys a stripper probably interacts with at her job.
I’m not a connoisseur of lap dances or gentlemen’s strip clubs, but from my understanding of such things, if she’s any good at her job, you can’t tell, because if you could tell then, reciprocally, you could tell if she did not particularly like you. That would be a serious liability in her profession, I would think.
Or then again perhaps not. I see this poster on NY taxicabs all the time, and there’s an amazing amount of disgust and contempt reflected in that face, so maybe a substantial portion of the target audience for these venues is composed of guys who prefer that their lap dancer or stripper find them utterly pathetic and not remotely likeable.
That’s not always true, being that 1 out of 5 female strippers have dated a customer. While obviously it’s still a job to them, I think many strippers want the fantasy of “fake love” almost as much as the guys who give them money want to feel loved. Or at least a little bit.
Of course their customer-facing skills varies, just like any profession.
Some just methodically go from customer to customer asking “you want dance?” and have no personality.
Most can at least convey the enthusiasm of a decent waitress or sales clerk at J Crew.
Some are a little over the top so you know it’s an act. No one likes me that much.
A few go for the “girlfriend experience” so they do seem like they really might like you.
Strippers and lap-dances are such stupid things. That’s like pixilated Japanese porn. Buy a real whore if you can’t get it any other way. Otherwise take a crowded public transport, that way you get lapdanes for free - of course the lapdancer might be a 56yo bald and fat guy.
I heard on a podcast from someone who date da stripper that the way to tell if she likes you is to ask what time she gets off and then if she tells you a time it means she does not like you and if she tells you she can leave at any time, she does like you.
I dated/lived with a stripper when I was in my 20s, she even moved halfway across the country with me.
I didn’t meet her at a strip club, it was at the beach, and that probably helped. I ended up socializing with quite a few of her co-workers and it seemed extremely unlikely for any of the girls to pick up guys while working. When they are at the club, they are focused on maximizing the amount of money they make during their shift, and “looking for love” is low on the priority list.
I wouldn’t recommend asking “what time do you get off work?”, all that’s going to do is ensure an extra bouncer is going to work late to walk her to her car. Drunk assholes ask her that every night. Ask her out for lunch.
Look, I have no dog in this fight. I don’t know any strippers & I don’t go to strip clubs.
The fantasy is fun, but its a business & the customers need to know this.
While its possible that 1 of 5 strippers may have dated a customer once, 5 out of 5 customers walking through that clubs door want one of the girls to like them that way.
Granted, this is a ridiculously unrealistic expectation that most people are beyond, but it does exist and without a [del]cold bucket of water[/del] reality check, its a persistent problem.
Q: How truly horrible is it for me to stick to my guns and advise, “Dude, if you have to ask Of Course She Doesn’t Like You That Way! WTF were you thinking!? That answer is Always NO! Its a show & nothing else. Get in, have fun, get out & stop thinking about her afterward… because thats not healthy.
It will only get you into trouble.”
I know 99% is a bogus percent that I can’t back up, but the real percent of customers who will never ever date a stripper has to be very close.
Also, I know I’m not the boss of anyone reading this… its just my opinion and the advice I’d offer… thats all.
While I’m sure it’s an unconscious habit to be sweet, it seems a little harsh to assume it’s rooted entirely in greed. Dangerosa observes strip club patrons can be awful, but if you pay attention you’ll find customers aren’t all that much better at your run of the mill restaurant or bar. You could be getting genuine smiles and service simply because you’re not being a creep.
As for OP: Yeah, if you aren’t sure then it’s part of the show. I have to assume if a stripper is actually digging on you ferreals she’ll break character and say so in no uncertain terms.
