I usually make “retarded” noises. (I know it’s not PC, but waddyagonnado?)
Take that imbicile who was on a cruise and missed her boyfriend, so she planted a couple of “terrorist” notes with the hope that the cruise would be ended quickly. “ReeeEEE-rooo arrr arrr I mi’ mah bo-friiin! I thcare peopol. Oooo day le’ me go home uurlee! Eeeee!”
Of course it would be better to go Blackadder on them: “My God, you really are stupid. You’re as stupid as Stupid John Stooge, who has just earned a Master of Stupidity degree from Bonehead Univerity.” But that takes too much effort for really quick mocking.
Or maybe I could try “Upper Class Twit”? “Oh deah! I think I’ll just… I think I’ll just move my cah veddy quickly into this othah lane heah! Tee-hee! What is that prole behind me going on about? Didn’t he realize I was going to turn? People really should pay more attention!”
A wonderful talent. The death glare. I’ve never been good at it. It always turns into an Elvis Sneer when I try.
When mocking someone, I’ve always liked the Chevy Chase approach (the way he did Jane Curtin when the did the SNL News) Silently moving his lips with a snotty look on his face, like he’s sort of repeating everything she says. Immature, but quite effective.
I have perfected the death glare. It involves only the slightest narrowing of the eyes and pinching of the mouth. I wish I could raise a single eyebrow. :dubious: That’s so much cooler.
I have another one. I told my husband my secret: visualize gleefully slitting the person’s throat. When you do, the subtle expression shows up on your face. OK, so maybe that’s more of a “don’t fuck with me” look than mockery.
I distort my mouth by moving my jaw to the right and placing my tongue between my teeth, while smacking the back of my right hand against my chest, fingers pointing down, elbow out. It’s an imitation that says “retarded” or possibly “MS” or something. I occasionally feel bad about it, but then I get better.
I also say “What, is your brain smooth?” or “Are you new?”
I also use pretty much every other form of mockery there is. I do lot of mocking. It’s a hobby of mine.
From watching my mom, I’ve learned that being SUPERNICE in the face of stupidity and rudeness really drives people crazy. Like smiling broadly and greeting the bitchy supermarket checkout lady with “Hello, Sunshine!” is always a good one. Or somebody barging his way past you on the sidewalk or something, you can always reach out and pretend like it was all your fault and apologize all over the place, “Oh dear, was I in your way? I’m so sorry, let me move out of your way, you’re obviously in a very big hurry, I understand,” etc, etc.
My mother, sister, and I can do that. My husband claimed that he once got simultaneous one-eyebrow raises from all three of us, and nearly fled the room.
In writing (as on message boards), I find that it’s fun to drip with condescension and sarcasm, while keeping it subtle enough that you can claim you meant nothing by it if you are called on it.
The mother of a childhood friend went to finishing school. Whenever she screwed something up, her son would ask, “So, mom, did they teach you that at finishing school?”
I use rhyming, alliteration, media reference, literature reference, metaphors, similies, profanity, sarcasm, you name it. I’m a one-stop-shop for insulting you in a baffling yet concise manner. I like to lay traps so as they try to argue their way out of it things I said that didn’t make sense to begin with dawn on them. I don’t do it very often, but it’s glorious when I do.
I think I’m experienced and skilled enough that I don’t have one single mocking approach. I think ‘relentlessly’ is a good answer, since I’m almost always mocking SOMEthing.
Use the “henrietta pussycat” from “Mr Rodgers” voice and manner of speaking, substituting the word “meow” for some words, and adding it in liberally. Always using the personal pronoun “meow meow” of course
Like “meow meow want to go to meow mall, not to meow movie” if one of your friends is expressing an unpopular desire to go to the mall rather than the movies. It works even if the person didn’t watch mr rodgers growing up.
it’s kind of an extension on the traditional low voiced murmur: “meh meh meh me meh” in the same intonation but 2 octaves higher than what the person said. so, for “I want to go to the mall” it would be: “meh me meh meh meh mall”
a classic that should be mastered by all kids.
I read that as it would be siad by Beaker (the muppet). Which, ironically, would make an even better mocking voice as well.
(hijack on the death glare)
When I was teaching, I once gave the death glare to a kid who pulled a pointer out of his nose during class. It was the first time I did the death glare, and I had practiced it beforehand. Both eyebrows raised on the ends but lowered in the middle to look like BatMan, wrinkled nose, bulging eyes, the works. The whole class shifted around in shock to look and see what could possibly make my face contort to become so evil-looking all of a sudden. The kid himself fell out of his chair.
I can keep a straight face through most any situation which, when combined with sarcasm, leaves people wondering if they’ve just been insulted or not.
I especially enjoy the exceptionally dumb, or extraorinarily drunk, who can go through entire conversations littered with insults and mockery and never pick up on any of it.
It’s all in the presentation. Tone and particular wording are key, and I’m fond of playing dumb and asking silly questions that leave them befuddled trying to answer, making themselves look dumber for the effort.
I too have also mastered the glare of death, although that’s not how I mock so much as warn that if they continue to approach, the mockery will be exceptionally brutal.
Well, I don’t do this to people I don’t know, because I save it for the ones I love Especially my mother, who, God bless her, says a lot of stupid things.
I smile at them the way you smile at an adorable kitten, and say, “Awww…you’re so pretty”, as in, “It’s a good thing you’re pretty, because you’re awfully stupid.”
My mother will then crack up at herself. My boyfriend, however, would tell me he’s handsome, not pretty. I think he misses the point.
Perhaps I need something more scathing. toddles off to prepare her evil eye
Especially my mother, who, God bless her, says a lot of stupid things.