I have to agree with Calliope 100%. If you were the custodial parent, I would encourage a combination of listening plus “tough love” to enforce some minimal standards of performance. But as the non-custodial parent, you don’t have the leverage to do any “tough love” stuff. Period.
So, you need to express that you really want to know what she thinks her future holds, because you care about her. You just want to hear what she has to say. You’ll have to bite your tongue or do whatever you need so that you don’t jump on what she says with your opinions about it!!!
In fact, she probably won’t open up the first or second or third time you try… you just keep on trying, thinking of ways to let her know that you care about her and not about your plan for her to go to med school. And when she does open up, you’d better (I’ll say it again) keep your opinions to yourself!!!
After she does give you some idea of where she thinks she’s going, you’ll have to come up with a response. Responses like “I’m glad you shared that with me” are good to start with.
You’ll probably at some point need to express your worries about her plans, and that’s not going to be easy. I certainly can’t tell you here how to do it… I’d need to know the specifics when it comes up.
Frankly, and I’m surprised I haven’t seen it so far in this thread, I think you need to consult with a therapist who deals with kids, because you don’t have a clue what to do when she does tell you what’s on her mind. And because it can be a delicate situation, your best bet is to let her talk, then consult the therapist for your next step.
Or, at least check out some books on the subject of father-daughter communication. Maybe another Doper has some cites.