I am writing this as the grandmother of a 16 yr old girl that does not care about anything! She does poorly in school…and doesn’t care. She get “punished” by having things like computers, phones, going out, etc taken away…and she doesn’t care. She has no goals in life, no idea of what she wants to do with her life…and she doesn’t care! She is not motivated by ANYTHING…and just doesn’t care.
Her parents are at their wit’s end. They do communicate with her, but she doesn’t seem to care about anything. They don’t require much of her…just that she tries to make at least a “C” in her classes. She knows that…but doesn’t care. She fails to turn in assignments, etc…and doesn’t care and makes no attempt to even try.
There were “house rules” in our house when her dad was growing up, and as much as he didn’t really “like” them, he abided by them. Mostly it was doing “decent” in school or we would ground him or take things away that were important to him. It worked for him…and he has tried this with his daughter, but she doesn’t seem to be phased by it. He and her mother have taken everything they possibly can from her, computer, phone, going out with friends, etc…and it doesn’t seem to bother her in the least! Even going to the mall with her friends (which would have been something important to most teens) doesn’t hold any weight. When they ask her to go…she just says kinda “matter-of-fact” “Nah, I can’t…I’m grounded” and doesn’t seem the least bit upset by it.
I, myself, have even talked to her. I tell her how important school is for her future. She says she knows that. I tell her she needs to find something she REALLY enjoys doing, and then go for it. I ask her what she enjoys, and she can’t think of a single thing! She says she knows that there should be SOMETHING that “excites” or motivates her …but she flat out admits she doesn’t care about ANYTHING and she doesn’t know why! She says nothing makes a difference in her life…that she doesn’t care about anything…and the worst part is…she knows this to be a fact, and doesn’t know why she feels that way.
OK…suggestions? I mean…you can only take away so much from a person. They have taken everything away from her and she doesn’t care! Suggestions on how to motivate her or what to try to get her out of her “funk”. I am assuming she’s got depression by the ton, but she doesn’t know why, how to deal with it, how to change her outlook on anything.
Welcome to the board, LoneWolf1038. Not to say what you are posting about isn’t important, but it’s a better fit for the MPSIMS (Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share) forum because you’re looking for a sympathetic ear and relevant experiences, not a debate. So I’ve moved the thread to MPSIMS from Great Debates.
She sounds a lot like my stepson. Okay, I admit that he may be depressed. But unless he’s been depressed for the last eight years or so, he’s always been like this. He wants or is interested in stuff, only as long as it takes no effort or requires nothing in return from him.
At this point, I’d say you need professional help.
Take her to the doctor. Have her checked over for any physical conditions that might be causing depression, disconnection, etc.
Then get her to a therapist. She may need medication for depression or anxiety or some such, and they can help with that, either through a psychiatrist or your family doctor.
Whether or not she needs medication, a therapist can help her figure out what’s going on and how to improve things. The therapist can also help the parents work out a discipline method that’s effective for this kid.
I didn’t mean to imply it had been improperly moved - I just found dark humor is the thread being moved to a forum with such an ‘eeyore’ like name The name, of course, doesn’t really fit with the description of the forum under it, so I suspect it’s just one of those things that has evolved out of time.
From what you’re describing, especially given her own awareness and concern about her apathy, I’m jumping on the “get her to a doctor” train. Certainly there are kids that don’t do well in school and might not care about the usual things that other kids care about, etc. But if, by her own admission, there’s nothing at all she cares about, that’s not a good sign. And depression doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s something wrong at home or her parents or anyone else is at fault. She could simply have a chemical imbalance in her body that needs to be addressed, just as they would take her to the doctor to get diagnosed and possibly prescribed an antibiotic if they thought she had strep throat.
This does sound like depression combined with the usual teen self-esteem issues. The answer may be meds*, may be therapy, may be both, or may be something else but a professional assessment would be a good place to start.
*I’m always reluctant to rush toward the “Get some pills down 'er” route without a better understanding of what the underlying problems are. Anti-depressants are not without issues of their own and should only be taken where other approaches will not work.
I don’t know enough about things to do anything more than share that puberty hit me hard and all over with a depression stick. I remember not caring about anything, just going through the motions, often thinking that it wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t wake up the next day.
I hope they find out how to help her - sending positive thoughts out.