Exactly, though I know people who are in recovery who absolutely object to it being anywhere nerar them, and for them they need to protect themselves because that is of utmost importance. However, there needs to be some tact involved when something like this happens.
I happen to find myself in the public eye quite a bit and no one knows I do not drink except my closest collegues, thus my previous post upthread stating that I invariably get a bottle or two of wine for the holidays. I’ve never declined and but then I have a wife who will drink it - even though it will take her a month to finish one bottle - she will still oblidge if she likes the wine…
A lot of people who don’t drink themselves also won’t serve it, and I know more than a few abstinent people who don’t want to be at a social gathering where alcohol is served. And there are the people who don’t drink for religious reasons with the same effect.
And, truth be told, I’ve never felt a social obligation to offer alcohol to guests. The last time I had a party, it was at a hotel and the thought of alcohol never occurred to me until my grandmother absolutely insisted.
Robin
A lot of this is going to depend on why a particular person isn’t imbibing in alcohol, themselves. I know, upthread, we’ve had a couple of recovering alcoholics mention that they can live with booze in the house, and just not drink it themselves. But that seems to me, based on what I’ve heard, to be a fairly rare situation, and often something that has been achieved only after keeping all alcohol out of their reach for some period of time.
I wouldn’t use ftg’s proposed actions, but I’ve met people who would do that because, for them, the presence of alcohol in their house is a deadly threat to their health, and sanity. If you can share, I don’t see anything wrong with it. But I think you’re being a bit optimistic to think that all people who prefer to avoid alcohol can keep it in the house safely.
For myself, the simplest thing would be to say, “Thank you so much for this, and I wish I could enjoy it as it deserves. But, I can’t drink it because it interacts with some medications I’m on.” It’s a minor embarassment, but there is no implication of fault or rejection associated with it - it’s just something that happens. Another strategy might be to say something about looking forward to using the beverage for cooking. While this is a perfectly reasonable use for alcoholic beverages (and the reason I keep some wine and beer in my apartment) it’s usually going to nonplus your gift-giver enough that they won’t repeat the gift. Especially if they’re one of those benighted souls that still uses so-called cooking wines.
If you aren’t drinking because you don’t drink, but don’t mind having it, serving it, keeping it around and will use it this is great. As was said, that isn’t everyone’s situation.
We drink in our house, but we aren’t Scotch drinkers. For Brainiac4’s birthday for years Scotch drinkers (one or two of them) would bring him a bottle of Scotch. We’d serve it at the party, but there is only so much Scotch my friends will drink at a party, and getting two bottles a year was increasing our Scotch stash beyond the ability to drink it (with some Irish Whiskey that we don’t drink thrown in for good measure). We finally had a conversation where I admitted (not in relation to the gift, but when the giver was present) that he drinks bourbon. The reaction was “oh, no, we’ve been getting Scotch” and I responded that the Scotch was great, because so many of our guests really admire ‘our’ great taste in Scotch. But now we get bourbon.
(By the way, why is it always wine or Scotch. No one shows up with a bottle of Bailey’s or Grey Goose. I think liquor is one of those things people think are going to be easy to give - and its actually sort of like trying to buy someone else clothes - you have to know so much about them to get it right. A hostess gift of a bottle of wine is a different thing though - the hostess can serve it at the party or cellar it - and a hostess gift of wine it should be fine to regift - unless it comes from France and can’t be bought here - oh, look, you brought the bottle of Beringer White Zin I gave you - like there is only ONE of those in the world.)
I’d just say, “Thanks. I appreciate the thoughtfulness, but I don’t drink,” and then set it down. I’d move on to the next item, continue the prior conversation, or whatever is appropriate. They can react however they see fit. If they say nothing about it, then I’d toss it after they leave.
I like Liberal’s suggestion, along with the other posters who suggest informing the giver graciously and gratefully.
Also:
- What is the purpose of a gift?
- If you don’t know someone well enough to know whether they drink alcohol, should you give them an alcoholic gift?
Of course, neither of these questions is the topic of this thread.
Why on earth would I want to give anyone someone as bad a gift as alcohol? What if somebody gave me a packet of heroin? Where do you draw the line?
No one I know would be so rude as to give alcohol to someone, regardless of the giftee’s attitude. It is just not a suitable gift.
If you hang out in a crowd where giving alcohol is considered acceptable, you need a new crowd.
Oh, I dunno – between legal and illegal substances? :rolleyes:
Between legal and illegal substances?
No thanks, I’ll stick with the funloving social drinkers and leave the withered prohibitionists to you. My friends and I always swap bottles at the holidays - it’s a nice way to introduce someone to a new find you made during the year.
This, to me, is extremely bizarre. I cannot imagine any situation where this would ever be appropriate, with the possible exception of someone purposely giving alcohol to, say, a recovering alcoholic in order to screw with them. Of course, I don’t believe that is what the OP intended.
I agree with many others here that a good response is to simply say “Thank you” and do whatever you want with the alcohol later. Dump it down the sink when the other person isn’t around, or regift it, or serve it at parties, or whatever. I’ve been given alcohol as a gift before and I rarely drink; I always try to remember that it is a gift, and that the person giving it to me is most likely trying to show how they care for me and wish me well.
ftg, I just saw your new post, and I still do not know what you’re talking about. It’s possible you live in a community or are part of a culture where alcohol use is frowned upon, but I have seldom been in any crowd in the U.S. where some folks did not occasionally enjoy a glass of wine or a beer.
Oh shit.
Oh you are just mad because today is the anniversary of the end of Prohibition! December 5, 1933.
You clearly have ‘issues’ with alcohol and it shines clearly throughout this thread–especially if you can’t tell the difference between legal and illegal substances. Something in the range of 63% of Americans drink, and most would find a nice bottle of alcohol as an acceptable gift. In what way is it NOT a suitable gift?
I drink occasionally (once a week or less) and I would find a gift of alcohol acceptable. If I didn’t drink I would accept it in the spirit (Ha! I kill me) in which it was given and find another way to dispose or deal with the bottle later. But then my crowd isn’t made up of a bunch of judgmental prudes.
You can’t possibly be serious.
I’ve known longtime recovering alcoholics who aren’t anything like that hardline, ftg. Nobody says you have to drink, but you don’t have to act jerkishly about it either.
You must have missed that most of us wouldn’t give alcohol without knowing it’s okay. I know I sure as hell wouldn’t. But that doesn’t mean it’s never acceptable, either. I wouldn’t mind being given a bottle of wine, say, at all.
I don’t understand any of this. If you are a recovering alcoholic, are you in such a way that you can’t even walk past a glass of wine without grabbing it and knocking it back? Yeah? In that case, unfortunately, you are not in recovery at all.
Are you not quite so bad off that you can walk past a glass of wine and not grab it and drink it? Well then if you can manage that, surely you can manage accepting a gift, saying ‘thank you’, and then giving it away, tossing it out, etc.
I am not judging anyone at all. I hope I don’t sound like I am. I am just having the hardest time believing there is an easier way to politely deal with being given a gift outside of accepting graciously with a thank you.
A solid guideline is to ask yourself if, by giving someone a gift, you will be causing them to be in violation of criminal law.
Bottle of spirits: No
Heroin: Yes
As for your claim that “nobody you know” so on and so forth, my expereince is entirely limited to Canada and the United States, where giving fine alcohol as a gift is so commonplace that it’s simply not possible for you to NOT know at least some people who would give alcohol as a gift, unless you only hang out with recovering addicts, or you’re a devout Muslim or Mormon and associate with nobody outside your religion. Shit, I don’t even drink wine OR spirits and I’ve gotten them as a gift. If you have a personal problem with aolcohol that’s fine, but it’s your problem. Turning that around and implying that anyone who gives someone a nice bottle of wine is a bad person is absurd.
Well, remember, the term “recovering alcoholic” covers a whole spectrum of behaviors and temptations.
If you’ve gone 24 hours without a drink, and are suffering from the DTs, and still are determined to avoid alcohol even though you’re craving it the way a drowning person craves air, you are still a “recovering alcoholic.”
The term is used instead of anything involving the past tense because alcoholism is not something you get over - it’s a condition that you have to learn to live with. And for many people it’s the hardest thing in their lives they’ve ever tried to do. The difference between an alcoholic and a recovering alcoholic is often just five seconds more of temptation, especially at the beginning of the recovery process.
Again, I want it clear, I’m not endorsing some of the more extreme views expressed here - just trying to say that I can understand why, for some people, the risk is so great that they’d react that way.
Where the hell do you live? Saudi Arabia?
My brother and his wife used to attend a church which had similar official views to what ftg suggests. Note the words “used to”. It was not the only reason that they left that church, but it was certainly a factor in why they never joined that church, despite attending services regularly for several years.
That said, joining that church meant that one was supposed to promise not just to abstain from consuming alcohol, but also not to enable others to consume alcohol. In practice, however, this appeared mostly to make hypocrites of people. They kept beer in the fridge, enjoyed wine with dinner, and did not lecture friends or family on the evils of alcohol.
This casual double standard bothered my sister-in-law almost as much as the notion of actually distancing herself from alcohol to the point of not storing beer in the fridge for her relatives. (My relatives are not beer drinkers. Actually, my relatives are not social drinkers at all. But my parents tend to the accept alcoholic gift graciously, stick on shelf, allow to collect dust school of behavior).
Still, while I’d be less than keen to recieve a an alcoholic gift–since I wouldn’t drink it myself, would be less than keen to re-gift it (fearing it would turn into the Christmas fruitcake, as well as potentially misleading someone as to my desire to accept future alcoholic gifts)–ftg’s comments about making a statement by pouring out the alcohol in front of someone strike me as bizarre and antagonistic.
Why do people give things as ‘bad’ as chocolates and candy. They must know you’re a food addict and you’re just going to sit around and get all fat! Where do you draw the line, at gift-wrapped rat poison? :rolleyes: