I view them the same as situational friends and acquaintances, much like how I regard coworkers, strangers I chat with in public, persons I see with some regularity like spouses of friends, etc. If a topic is interesting, I might remember certain posters based on insight or lack thereof, but generally I expect people to have differing areas of expertise, variability and sensitivity just as in real life. I won’t hold anyone here to consistency across forums.
So if someone says something profoundly clueless or offensive in one thread, I won’t hold them to that attitude on another topic. I suspect others make lists and hold grudges, but I have no trouble reading each discussion as a new point of view except for the handful of posters who are predictable, stubborn and single minded. I avoid them as much as I avoid people like that in real life. I’ve had some terrific advice from people who took the time out of their day to listen, clarify, and share ideas with me. The people who do that are awesome and deserving of the same respect and appreciation of real life people.
Having said that, in real life body language and chemistry mean everything to me with regards to forming and maintaining relationships; I wouldn’t expect to have the same opinions and feelings towards posters in real life. So there is a distinct separation between online and real life acquaintances for me. But I’m always aware that there are people on the other can and I do my best to regard them as complex, variable, and human.
As far as the Pit, it’s just blowing off steam, playing Dozens. If I’m being a dick, I expect to be called on it. Some posters appear to be profoundly harmed by the atmosphere there, but most people would benefit from being called on their shit from time to time. Can’t really get away with that in real life without coming to blows, so I see no harm in it. It’s easy enough to avoid if one is too thin-skinned.
For the most part, folks here are user names attached to words. Some people stand out (both good and bad) and I have mini mental profiles of them.
Right. I mean, I don’t have to be friends with someone or even know them at all not to troll their death threads. Even if they are user names on a screen to me, I realize that they’re actual people, and people are sad when their dog dies. Not gonna be a dick for no reason. I stay away from threads like those, though, because I don’t really know them and don’t have much to add. When people go into threads like those and threadshit, I think they should be kicked in their junk.
But I don’t feel bad at all about laughing at someone for saying something ridiculous. Hell, if we were face to face and you said something that was just really, truly, laughably absurd, I’d probably laugh at you and I wouldn’t feel bad about it. I dunno, if you don’t want me to laugh, don’t say stuff that’s funny.
Over time, you sort of get to know many people here. Some are witty and have a positive outlook, some are knowledgeable but might have some political beliefs you don’t agree with, others seem like fun people to be around and others you wouldn’t want to meet under any circumstances. It is kind of hard to hide your real personality over time - maybe if you post little or are relatively new you might be able to hide your true self a little easier, but eventually you will show your colors.
It also helps if you have ever attended a DopeFest…gives you a chance to meet people and compare what you thought to what you meet. I found quite a few kindred spirits at the Vegas DopeFests in years past…and I can honestly say there were some really great people there. That just proved that I was indeed able to glean quite a bit “just” from knowing that person here on the boards.
I know that I do feel bad when I hear someone I liked on the board died, or is going through a rough patch. I also feel happy when I hear good news about others who have posted over the years.
I guess you could call us all “pen pals”…an updated version of that lovely archaic tradition of writing/corresponding with someone you have never met, but built a long term relationship even if you never ever meet in person.
I view them as I view anybody, through a peephole drilled into the ceiling of their bedroom, and a remote camera attached to a recording device while dressed up in bondage gear
Some of the ones I’ve met in person are people I consider friends. Most of the rest of the regular players are cool/uncool people on the other side of the monitor. Not friends, just people I interact with online.
Fortunately, my wife is a Doper, too, so I can just refer to y’all by your handles. If I’m talking to someone else about goings-on from the Dope, it’s usually just, “I was reading something someone posted online…”
I’ve been reading this thread (and the one Cicero linked) and I’m surprised at the comments. I’m the total opposite. I’m a lurker here (or drive-by poster) and in real life I’m talkative, friendly and bordering on boisterous. For some reason when I’m not face to face with people, I am insecure and shy (which come to think of it is ridiculous… oh well).
I view other posters as…people. Just like any acquaintances, really. I know the facets of their personalities that they choose to show here, just as I know the aspects of my coworkers that they choose to show at work. I like some, dislike some, and respect some without actually liking them. With relative anonymity and no interaction in the physical world, there’s a limit to how involved I could be in their lives, regardless. Without significant interaction outside this board, I wouldn’t presume to know any given Doper well enough to call them a friend.
There are plenty that I think I’d like to, though.
Same as I view any large group of people most of whom I don’t know: neutrally until I grow more familiar with them, at which point recognisable names begin to gain or lose respect as appropriate. Except here, when someone loses enough respect, I can just stick them on ignore and basically purge them from existence.
As fellow members of a community I participate in. Some I like. Some I would avoid if possible. Some few I actively dislike. No different that in real life communities I participate in, like a religious congregation or my extended business relationships.
Some people perhaps act jerkier with the cover of a username. To me that merely informs that they are jerks who are constrained in real life by fear of consequences.
Some posters I respect at least as much as many I know in real life. Some posters I disrespect at least as much as anyone I know in real life as well.
The others who post here are real people. I am me here as much as anywhere else. I think of others as the same. My relationship with them is a constrained one but my relationships with others are constrained in many face to face circumstances as well, by roles and by contexts. A bully here is a bully. A jerk here is a jerk. A kind person is a kind person. An arrogant idiot here, a funny person here, well they are what they are … not fictional characters. This is not WoW.
Friends? I value that word too much to apply it to too many people. But real acquaintances in this place I hang out at for fun.
Exactly. We are all real people, with real feelings. I would no more be disrespectful to someone here than I would in real life, and I don’t think being mean is funny. I even hate the Three Stooges, for heaven’s sake.
I met my late husband here, and then this board was a very valuable of support to me during his illness and death. It helped me so much to write about my grief during my first year of being a widow, and I met some wonderful friends here. I value it immensely for that reason, and when I have contemplated quitting, it tears me up.
I veiw you guys like a moped. You guys are fun to play with but I don’t want any of my friends knowing about it. Also, I prefer to not know any of you in real life.
I don’t know why you think the same dynamic isn’t going on with real people in real life, though. Why it wouldn’t be the same responsibility either way. I’m definitely one of the people who sees message board posters as actual people (because they are! They might be liars but real people are liars) but I don’t think that phrase has the same significance for me as it must to you. Sometimes people are dicks in real life and they say shit just because they’re dicks, and I view them as roughly the same, only more annoying to the extent they’re harder to get away from. Just because they’re people doesn’t mean they’re, like, important people. It just means that if somebody says something super fucked up on the internet, I’m going to make approximately the same gas face as I would in real life while thinking to myself this person is a dick.
