If you like animals, volunteer at the local shelter. At mine, the women volunteers outnumber the men by about 10 to one.
Is there any chance that was work hours could change? I’d probably move past a profile of someone I’d see so little of.
I’m sure all of these suggestions are appreciated, but I find they are all along the lines of
- Do a thing to meet people
- ???
- Friends!
It’s that #2 step that is really hard. Pushing the relationship from “some people I occasionally see to talk about books” to “a few people I consider friends who also consider me a friend” is what’s difficult.
Obviously sitting at home feeling sorry for oneself and never meeting anybody new doesn’t work, so take it as a given that it’s possible to go out and meet people with at least somewhat similar interests and hobbies. How does one go from that to friends?
With some charm, kindness, and good luck. You may have to wait a while find people you’d like to be friends with in a new place, just as you may have to wait a while to find someone you’d like to date in a new place. Keep getting out there and talking to people, and with time some friendships may develop.
Some people recommend setting goals, for attempts rather than achievements. That is, you might require yourself to do one or two “nudges” per week, where a “nudge” is some action to get to know somebody better or spend some time with them. For instance, do you like rock climbing, and did you meet somebody at the book club who likes rock climbing? A “nudge” is to ask that person if they’d like to go rock climbing together sometime.
For middle-aged people, it’s unlikely that close friendships will blossom in a day or a week, as they sometimes did back in our youth. But give it several months of expanding your people-meeting activities and working on “nudges” toward various people you find likeable, and you’ll get there eventually.
I’ve seen a book group who meets at a diner for coffee, in the mornings. They all seem really friendly and chatty.
If there’s one in this backwater, there has to be some in NYC.
I hope to add more later but for now I’m just popping in to say that, yes, I have met multiple women on OKCupid.
I am a little younger than you but roughly in the same demo. I’m not movie-star attractive, but I don’t break that many mirrors (I don’t believe I interested women on my looks alone). I think that my occasionally witty repartee had the most effect.
There was woman who contacted me first–out of the blue–and we went out that very night. We dated for over a year. Over the years I’ve met about 6 or 7 that ended up as dates; I’ve chatted online with lots more.
So, the number of dates/contacts have been rather few but then I’m not giving it much attention, so…
I’m in San Francisco and a lot of folks use it here. The NYC area is gonna have a lot of users, too, so that’s good.
I’m 59 myself. You do know that the Freemasons are desperate to recruit fresh-faced young whelps such as ourselves? Their median age is about 20 years older than us.
Don’t let Mozart, Ben Franklin, Davy Crockett, Mark Twain, Harry Houdini, Lucky Lindy, both President Roosevelts, Count Basie, Colonel Sanders, and Richard Pryor (no fooling) down!!!
Though, isn’t it the case that one needs to be recruited by a current Mason, rather than trying to join on your own? (At least, that’s what I’ve always heard.) Thus, it might be impossible to become a Mason if you don’t already know a Mason who would recommend you.
I stand corrected. If the Wikipedia article on Freemasonry is accurate:
Aren’t Masons all men?
Not helpful in dating of females. I’m assuming the OP is hetero. He spoke of a wife.
Friends: the trick is to find something that will put you in the same physical space with the same people over and over until you’ve gotten used to one another’s faces enough to make plans with specific people. Jobs, classes, competitive teams (not necessarily athletic), and houses of worship (can be Unitarian if you’re an atheist) are the most reliable for this. Volunteer gigs and social clubs based around hobbies/ interests can work sometimes, but they can be hard to find and it’s easier for people to flake, so it’s harder to connect with them. Meetup is a great idea in theory but I’ve found it to be not very useful in practice. Some hobbies are also just better for making friends; reading is naturally a solitary pursuit, while scuba diving generally involves a buddy for safety (not that you should run out and get certified to freeze your ass off in the north Atlantic just to meet people, but keep that factor in mind. If you want something more indoorsy, maybe chess or something else that takes at least two to tango?) Some people manage just by having a routine-- going to the gym, a certain coffee shop, a dog park, etc. on a regular basis at consistent times. Not ideal if you’re shy or socially awkward though; you have to pipe up and introduce yourself to strangers who may not be interested in talking to you or anyone at that moment. I especially caution you against trying to meet women this way.
Dating is in some ways simpler. Yes, get on the apps. Don’t spend too much time in virtual limbo; give her enough to see you aren’t a serial killer and then try to arrange a face-to-face. Doesn’t have to (and ideally shouldn’t) be an expensive, formal date; plan on coffee or a drink and save the more involved stuff for at least a second date. It likely won’t be quick or easy, and it may be a little demoralizing. Most women are getting more attention than they can handle, especially the younger ones if you’re into that. But successful relationships often start online these days, so yes, men do meet women there. More importantly, you don’t seem to have many other options for meeting women right now, so you might as well get online.
My friend was a decent amateur photographer. After her husband died, she joined a couple photography clubs. They have meetings, excursions, and her art as really improved. She’s met some friends she meets up with outside of club events.
I’m not terribly social, but I have some local friends I met on a horse message board. We lunch at least once a month, talk on FB regularly, and I take riding lessons with one of them.
StG
Don’t despair! I Love Me, Vol. I’s experience meeting multiple women reminds me of a close friend in the NYC burbs, 68 year old male, not physically attractive but witty, sweet and charming, who has been on OkCupid on and off for the past 10 years. He found many dates and 2 girlfriends, one of whom he was with for 2 years until she moved to Seattle and didn’t want to go the long-distance relationship route, another who he was with for 4 years until she got downsized and went crazy networking and part-timing and acted like she had no time for him. He also made friends with a couple of the women whom he met and they decided that there was “no chemistry”.
He complained that lots of the OkCupid women were in NJ, difficult for him since he’s on the eastern edge of Westchester near the CT border, but that’s good for you, Mike Mabes, since it sounds like you’re in NJ or Rockland.
If you’re at all interested in meeting people through volunteering, lots of soup kitchens and food pantries need people during mid-late morning hours.
And a 60 year old male friend has made new friends through a mall-walking group. They meet around 8-10 AM, some of them 7 days a week.
I like Proust myself, but some people are absolutely fanatical about him, which can be off-putting.
Also, if your local library doesn’t have meetings at times that are good for you, look at libraries in the surrounding towns. It’s surprising how much their offerings can differ.
Came here to say this. The ratio is about the same at our shelter, too.
What are your interests and what do you want to do with friends? What do friends mean to you?
I have been pretty isolated. There are not many foreigners where I live.
I made quite a few friends online, which really was very helpful.
Recently I joined a Dragon boat team, and we exercise several times a week together. That has become great and I really have started to make friends.
If you have interest in doing something like animal rescue or something to charity that meets, it may be easier to make friends.
Community theater.
Even if you don’t have an ounce of performance talent in your body, they always need tech folks to build sets, strike sets, and handle the tedious detail that the “talent” can’t handle.
And, if you are a man hoping to meet women, you will be as valuable and rare as a unicorn. Single heterosexual men are outnumbered by single heterosexual women by about ten to one.
Wow, I don’t see the word “bar” upthread. The only problem is that of joining a club that will have someone like you as a member.
Dating sites should be considered, especially if you have little or no experience with them. Going back to the “someone like you” idea, if you’re reasonable and want reasonable things, it’s reasonable to expect to find someone similar on dating sites.
Be on the lookout (when you feel like it) when you’re out and about, shopping or whatever. That doesn’t mean being on the hunt, but rather taking advantage of opportunities to share a laugh (and not giving a shit if they don’t pan out).
Wow, I don’t see the word “bar” upthread. The only problem is that of joining a club that will have someone like you as a member.
Dating sites should be considered, especially if you have little or no experience with them. Going back to the “someone like you” idea, if you’re reasonable and want reasonable things, it’s reasonable to expect to find someone similar on dating sites.
Be on the lookout (when you feel like it) when you’re out and about, shopping or whatever. That doesn’t mean being on the hunt, but rather taking advantage of opportunities to share a laugh (and not giving a shit if they don’t pan out).
As another 57 year old widower, I understand where you are coming from. I didn’t move, but I was my wife’s caretaker for seven-and-a-half years and, as her condition worsened, we became increasingly isolated. I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but I retreated even more after she died; it’s only been recently that I’ve been forcing myself out. If I lived anywhere near New York, I’d be glad to hang out with you drinking whiskey and discussing books - probably not Proust though. Good luck.
I love this idea! I should amend my list to include medium-term projects such as community theater and…hmmm, are there other things like that, where people sign on for a specified period of time to be part of a production of some sort?