Not to be too crude - but how is it that you can fart without soiling yourself? You would think that opening the sphincter muscle in your arse would let stuff other than gas out.
Or is the truth even more horrific and it’s letting solids and liquids out at the same time as the gas?
Bon Appétit!
The answer is that you do soil yourself, it’s simply that most times it’s unnoticeable. As well as gas farts produce a fine spray of fecal matter.
“skatole” for the lolz.
On top of the fact that fecal matter is shooting out of your anus when you fart, those who smell it, are, in a way, tasting it too; which molecules are absorbed in your olfactory bulb then become a part of you.
Keep that in mind next time you smell one.
And with that, I hereby nominate this thread to be entered into the Eternal Vaults of Posterity.
F*ckin’ farting! How does it work?
It’s a miracle, yo.
I have a related question: so what makes the noise? Is it the sphincter opening and slamming shut?
Like a thin wind through the reeds, your flatus vibrates your buttcheeks at an appropriate Hertz and amplitude as to be audible.
If you desire to let one loose in silence, find an inconspicuous way to spread your buttcheeks apart. But make sure they’re really apart, otherwise the frequency will raise, and it’ll be a high-pitched squeak.
I speak from experience.
Quite well, thank you.
Not that I’d know, but I imagine that if you needed to squat down to tie your shoe at about the same time you needed to fart, you’d be able to do it just about silently with a modicum of muscle control. Just sayin’.
A previous thread that may be of interest: Are fart jokes universal? - Factual Questions - Straight Dope Message Board
And, likewise, not that I’d know, but when seated one might be able to release one buttcheek from the pressure of sitting, pinning the other in place, and with a bit of finesse, concentration and precisely timed muscle control, can let slip the dogs of war unnoticed.
Ah, the famous one-cheek sneak.
It can be troublesome:
A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window.
After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. Again, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning.
Later, the family arrives and asks, “Are they treating you all right?”
“It’s pretty nice,” the old woman replies. “Except they won’t let you fart.”
Sorry, my apologies. We will let your Grandma lean next time. We thought it was the Seroquel.
What your nose detects are some of the volatile compounds (at very low concentrations, especially sulphides) that have evaporated off the surface of the material in question and diffused around the room. The aroma of something is not the same as the thing itself - just ask anyone who manages to eat durian.
When you expel flatus, mostly you are getting rid of ordinary air containing volatiles from the fecal matter it has passed over and through. Yes, there may be a small spray of some fecal matter, but underclothes capture that.
Si
One aspect that hasn’t been touched on but I think is key is that what we in polite circles refer to as the rusty sheriff’s badge, balloon knot or brown tea-towel holder actually has two sphincters, the inner and the outer.
You can release the outer door, as it were, but as long as the inner one stays closed there will be no mass exodus of poop. Think of it like an airlock.
I tried that once. First there was just the rush of wind, then it cried out “Mama.” It sounded just like when Nova dropped that doll in the cave in Planet of the Apes.
I love a good fart. They are quite literally a universal source of amusement on this little planet of ours. What I am curious about is the difference in scent that occurs depending upon what you eat. I have on a few well planned occasions consumed carefully selected foods with the intention of destroying my buddies. Two scoops of whey protein powder, a few eggs and a can of chili all washed down with a few beers and let me tell you, I possess an evil so putrid it should be registered somewhere. Other times, I have huge ‘air’ farts that are all bark, no bite.
What gives?