Hi, Broomstick. I’m a long time member of the board, and I always perk up when I see your name. You’re an excellent storyteller and very sensible with advice.
I have ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive, which is the variant most girls/women have). I’ve worked as a teacher and had my share of ADHD kids, most of whom were unmedicated. I’ve spent the last six years of my life coping with my own ADHD, finding ways to mitigate it, ways to take advantage of the good parts, and ways to cope when it damages my life. I agree with what minlokwat has said, and I’d like to expand on it a bit.
Your coworker knows her performance is subpar. She knows she’s letting people down. She knows she’s constantly failing at tasks others complete with little difficulty. Medication helps, but it isn’t a cure-all. If she’s worked minimum wage jobs her whole life, she never developed the coping skills she needs. In those circumstances, it’s a surprise she isn’t overtly hostile when she’s criticized.
What you’re dealing with is a person whose prefrontal cortex is underactive. She cannot filter out the constant bombardment of stimuli, and she responds to the loudest/brightest/most insistent one at any moment - hence the word salad. Put her under stress, and it’s only going to get worse.
If you want to help her so that she can do her job more successfully, you’re going to have to go Cesar Milan on her.
First, no anger. Anger from you will stress her out, and stress makes things even worse. Second, give her exact physical instructions to get what you want. Don’t say “Coworker, I need your attention.” Say “Coworker, stop what you’re doing, and face me, please.” (And please, word this to the appropriate social context. I can say that as a teacher. It may not be appropriate to a coworker.) Third, get your other coworkers to stay quiet while you’re talking to her. Any other conversation in the area is going to distract her no matter how hard she’s trying. Fourth, make her repeat to you what you want before you get the answer from her. And fifth, positive reinforcement every time you catch her doing something right that she usually messes up.
In general? Make use of visual cues. Put a list by the phone with the expected greeting and what information you want on a message. Post checklists for other things. When in doubt, refer her back to the lists.
Lastly, these are things I would tell the kids and parents. You may not be able to make use of this information, but it’s something to keep in mind.
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kids with ADHD do enormously better when they have frequent physical activity. (My guess is that the increased blood flow from exercise brings extra oxygen to the prefrontal cortex, but it’s only a guess.)
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everyone, but especially kids with ADHD show improved focus and memory when they can spend time outdoors in nature. Even 15 minutes a day will do it. It needs to be grass and trees, not a few potted plants.
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meditation helps.
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good nutrition helps.
You know, she isn’t your cross to bear. We are all of us responsible for our own lives and actions.
But.
Compassion and understanding of our human flaws makes it so much easier to manage them. She’s a fifty year old woman with health problems at a minimum wage job. No one envies her, and no one’s really thrilled to have her around. It’s the easiest thing in the world to dismiss her. Thank you for showing some care.