How dumb can you get?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m currently in an amateur theatre production. After the show tonight, I decided to head to the local sports bar for a beer.

I forgot that tonight, the sports bar had a popular national band in. No problem; I’m there often enough that I’m known to all the staff; and if I tell the bouncer that I’m just here for a beer, and I sit on the wrong side of the bar, where I really can’t see anything at all, I won’t get tabbed for a cover.

But on my way to the main door, walking past the bar’s emergency exit, I see a hole in the exit’s window, a guy being held (literally) by one of the bouncers, and the assistant manager; who tells me, “Just go in, Spoons, and have a seat; I’ll talk to you later.” A local police cruiser has arrived, and an officer is walking towards the incident. I don’t want to get involved, so in I go.

Well, the assistant manager talked to me later. A guy, very drunk, who got mad at his girlfriend (or something) punched out the window. But here’s the dumb part: while local police were attending to the problem and had the drunk out on the street, two other guys started going at it on the sidewalk, in full view of the police attending to the first guy. In the end, three arrests were made.

Honestly, though, if one guy asked another guy to “step outside,” and a police car (with lights flashing) was outside, don’t you think the two guys would think twice about having a scrap in front of it? How dumb can you get?

(Note that this place isn’t quite so rowdy normally, and I feel very safe there under all circumstances.)

2

Weird. Around here when two guys at a bar decide to go at it they just rent a room.

3

People that are drunk and angry don’t often think about to look around before beating each other up.

4

…often they aren’t thinking at all.

5

I wanted to give them some credit, if I was drunk (maybe not totally wrecked) and my friend told me he was banging my old lady and I dragged him outside to fight for her, I’d probably just assume that the cop was busy with that guy we saw inside. Besides, the fight would probably only last a few seconds, right. In our drunken state we might not think that the the cop would be finishing up or another one could pull up a second later (since a cop usually won’t make an arrest on his own) or there could be another one already outside or maybe if it will take more then a few seconds if one of us ends up hurt.
Hey, maybe we should go take this around to the other side of the bar.

6

I used to work at a place where the front row of parking spots were reserved for particular people. They had little signs telling you who the spot was for. But human nature being what it was, a lot of times other people would take these spots. There would be warnings about parking where you weren’t supposed to and sometimes they made people come up and move their cars but for the most part people kept on doing it.

Then one morning the Big Boss came in and he was pissed. He had seen three cars that he said didn’t belong in the spots they were parked in and he had written down their license plates. He wanted us to identify the owners of those cars and Do Something. We checked our list of license plates and none of them was listed. But the Boss was mad enough that he had us call the police and have them run the plates.

At this point, one idiot - who I’ll call Keith because that was his name - decided to throw some gas on the fire. He began talking about what should be done to these people when they were identified. He said their cars should be towed away and they should be suspended from work. The rest of us were trying to calm things down and Keith was riling them up.

So we got the identities of the owners of the three cars. It turned out that two of them were legit. One was somebody who was in the right spot but happened to be in his wife’s car. One was somebody in the right spot who had bought a new car.

And the third car was Keith’s.

Fortunately for Keith, the Big Boss had cooled down a little by this point and instead of handling it directly himself he had told one of the mid-level bosses to handle it. So the mid-level boss chewed out Keith for being an idiot but that was just a normal work day for Keith. But as I observed to my friend, if I had been the Big Boss in this situation, I’d have had Keith’s car towed and had him suspended just because he had been dumb enough to suggest that idea.

7

Big question: what show and what part?

The wife and I are going to see a amateur production of the Rabbit Hole tomorrow and are season ticket holders at The Muny in St. Louis.

8

Man, Loverboy fans sure like to mix it up.

9

Well they are just working for the weekend

Capt Kirk

10
11

How deep is a black hole?
How empty is a vaccuum?

I dunno the answer to any of these questions, but I’ve seen dumb that is deeper and emptier than the other two.

12

They were all drunk, presumably.

Alcohol endumbens you.

13

This year, we’re doing “Peter Pan.” I play Mr. Smee.

14

That depends on the bar.

15

In my experience, a dark corner is cheaper.

16

I’m reminded of the story from a few years back of the two NFL cheerleaders who were drinking in a bar and then went into the ladies room to fool around. Some of the other women saw them and complained and the women ended up getting arrested. And the bar then filed a lawsuit against the women for hurting the bar’s reputation.

And I was thinking, “Yeah, right, because if there’s one thing that will destroy business at a sports bar, it’s getting a reputation as a place where cheerleaders go to make out with each other.”

17

I remember as a teenager, cruising down a two lane road, in a car full of very drunk friends. My friend was driving, the guy driving behind us gets in the opposite lane in an attempt to pass us. As he does this, my idiot friend the driver, steps on the gas proclaiming “This guy wants to go! (race)” As our gaze looks over to the left at the guy trying to pass us, we very quickly learn to our horror, that it’s a fucking cop!

Fortunately, my friend was wise enough to step on the brake. We were also very lucky that the cop involved obviously needed to be somewhere quick as I’m sure he would have pulled our dumbasses over for trying to “race” him.

18

And what’s even dumber is that launching a lawsuit will only attract more attention to the problem. They sure do sound like idiots.

19

If the bar owner had any brains, for publicity he should have sued the women who complained, and in announcing the suit he should have said, “We welcome any and all NFL cheerleaders, especially those who want to make out in our restrooms or anywhere else on the premises.”

20

After having had a few beers I once tasted my own pee just to see what it tasted like.

People can be RIDICULOUSLY dumb.