One of my housemates is moving in a couple of weeks and we are looking for a new person to move in. Preferably, we would have someone we know come on to the lease, but due to the short notice, this will be unlikely.
We have sent a few emails around to people, and are considering placing an ad in the local paper. I received an email today from a girl I know who has a workmate who wants a place to live. He also wanted to know if our house is ‘gay friendly’.
Now, having a gay roomate wouldn’t bother me, unless he was a prick (but that would apply if the applicant was gay, straight or just a prick). I suspect my current house mate will be the same.
All I wanted to know was whether ‘gay-friendly’ means something * more * than unbigoted. I have read that in house sharing there are a few ‘codes’ in ads - ie. “House located in green, leafy suburb” usually means the residents are potheads. I just want to make sure that ‘gay friendly’ doesn’t mean that we are going to be subjected to ‘sleaze-ball’ type parties etc.
I’ve never personally seen ‘gay-friendly’ used as a euphemism in this situation. I also sort of doubt that it would be, as asking whether a house is ‘gay-friendly’ is something that a gay person would have a legitimate concern about. It can make for a very hostile environment if you move in and then suddenly discover that your housemates are huge bigots. Even if some people somewhere use this as a euphemism, this guy may not be.
It’s also probably best to really think about what exactly you’re ok with. Can he bring random guys home whenever he feels like it, if that’s what he’s like? Can he bring his long-term boyfriend over ALL THE TIME, if he has one? Can he mention that he’s going out on a date that night? Dealing with an actual real live gay person living in your house is not quite as easy as dealing with one as an acquaintance, or even as a non-live-in friend. There’s going to be someone living IN your house, IN that room, who may or may not be doing the nasty with another guy while he’s living there.
If you’re grossed out by that, there are likely to be problems unless you can hide it really well. If you’re thinking, “Yeah? So?” then you’re probably suitably gay friendly, in the non-euphemism way. If you tell him, “Well, we’re not gay, but it doesn’t bother us if you are. We expect the same from you as from anyone else,” he’ll know that you’ll probably be okay to live with. And if he’s using some sort of euphemism, he’ll realize that you have no idea what he meant.
And anyone who takes the above as a license to have, say, an orgy, is definitely a prick.
My understanding of gay friendly is that you’re OK with gay and not raging homophobes. Like housemate can bring home same sex partner and there’s no problems. No homophobic jokes or the like. You just treat them respectfully like any other human being.
Mr P got invited to a gathering of the Radical Gay Fairies and they said he just had to be gay friendly, not gay. Eeeeeep, he’s in for a shock if that’s code for something else.
I’ve never heard gay friendly used as code for anything else.
I urge you to meet with the prospective roommate, and evaluate him yourself. Ask him what he means by gay-friendly. Talk with him, like you would any other applicant, and try and find out if he’s a creep or not. Because there are gay creeps, just like there are straight creeps.
The gay-friendly thing isn’t a euphemism; it’d be the gay person trying to find out if it’s worth his time to look at the place, or if you’re not going to be tolerant enough to consider living with gay people. It seems like you’re tolerant enough to deal with the average gay person; now the question becomes whether you can get along with this particular gay individual. So meet him, and find out.
By the way, if you want a range of gay lifestyles to look over, I sincerely recommend my Your Gay Lifestyle. What’s it like, really? thread in this very forum. There are all sorts of gay people out there. Some, you’d probably enjoy living with. Some, you’d want to murder within a week. Make an individual judgement, based on this individual.
I’ve seen Gay Friendly advertised on lots of rental ads…of course, this was in Santa Cruz, CA though. I think that it means that you and your housemate would be okay with having an openly gay roommate…that you would not be uncomfortable with them bring home same sex partners or discussing their sexuality/relationships within your presence. You really should just meet the person though…
Don’t worry, we are going to interview him later this week, I just wasn’t sure whether the term was a euphemism, and don’t want to offend him by asking 'So, are you going to have wild orgies in the living room on a Saturday night while I’m trying to watch the rugby?".
In Sydney the codeword is “broadminded”. That can cover anything between ‘openly gay and who can bring their bf/gf over as anyone else would’ and ‘rainbow flags, erotic posters and militant politics in the loungeroom’. My experience says that you should ask first.
My take on gay friendly is that if it’s something you, a straight person are allowed to do in the house (eg have a bunch of friends over to watch a movie, discuss politics, bring home someone to shag etc) then it should be fine for a gay person to do it too (even if it is an outrageously camp movie).
Usually, I just look for some place where the people are non-judgemental.
Well, it’s a moot point now anyway. Apparently the prospective applicant quit his job today, so won’t be able to move in for a while. Oh Well. Does anyone know somebody who wants to live in Brisbane?
By the way,
Our description of the house includes the phrase 'a large
L-shaped deck, good for parties." :eek:
