How hard is it to get a date?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Apparently this is Dating Month on the 'dope judging by all the related threads, but this one is a little different. Can you measure for us how hard it is to get a date?

For some it seems impossibly difficult. For others it isn’t really a bother. I’d make this thread a poll but I have a feeling every answer will be unique, and anyway I am not aiming to publish my results but just to get a ‘feel’ for how big an obstacle dating is overall.

Me? I’m taken. If I were single I predict that wouldn’t last for long. Not because I am Mr. Special, but dating just doesn’t seem like a big hurdle. Is this so uncommon? Lots of people on this board seem to be having dating problems these days, but I wonder if there aren’t more people out there who find the whole dating and mating thing less perplexing than it appears to be for some. You find someone, you hook up, it either does or does not work out. Is it really so complicated? Seems like when I was younger it was…

2

i think it’s an impossibly broad question (pun…intended…if that’s even a pun? whatever).

i think there’s too many circumstances to consider.

i’m in my early 30, male, and being married is the last thing i want. i think i’ve turned extremely weird, which doesn’t help the thread, but i’m bored.

i have always been able to procure female company. when i was younger, i pretty well had my pick, but i was kind of a long-termer–always locked up in a serious relationship.
i really gave it my all with a girl between 2003-early 10. it was an on-again-off-again thing, but she was commitment-phobic and i had just DECIDED we were meant to be.

meaning i got the short end. she was pretty lousy to me…ran around with other guys and lied, and i kept giving her chances until i finally just got my gutfull.

since then, i have dated tons, and even had a 6mo gf, but i’ve really come to the conclusion other than the sport of it, i really rather be left alone.

it’s fun to meet new people, to discover and divulge who each other is, and learn and be funny and have fun and have all that “new.” it’s a blast. but at this age, girls are really thinking about settling down. i find a lot of people are kind of panicking, being in their mid-to-late 20s (or god forbid, my age) and still single.

the thing with me is i like people just fine, but i need them to GO AWAY after a while. i am terribly INFP and have that whole moody/broody artist thing going on. i need time to cultivate my crafts, to dig into things and learn and go off on rabbit trails and have fun and learn. it’s really hard to find someone who has those interests, and even when they do, that can at times be worse than them hating everything you love.

i met someone about a year ago who i was CERTAIN i could marry. she was basically girl-me.
we loved all the same things–but more importantly–we hated the same things. that is a bond, my friends.

but we really didn’t click romantically, and i drug my feet (again, she did the “no time to lose! we’re getting older!” thing) and when i wasn’t on pace with her, she changed. now we’re hardly even friends.

i’m actually thinking i might be screwed up. for a long while now, i’ve been deflecting female attention. it’s ok to talk, chat, text, or be in touch–but when it comes down to real romantic entanglement, i keep realized i am LYING to avoid dates. when i really think about it, i feel kind of bad about myself.

a gorgeous girl wanted came to see me last week. she wanted me to ask he to stay over.
she was attractive, available, and throwing herself upon me. and i lied to weasel out of being with her at all and lied MORE to get out of her being able to come back around later.

i really don’t know what to make of that.

in short: some people never date. some can and it’s easy. some can and it’s easy but they really, for not entirely understood reasons, just won’t.

i just wasted everyone’s time.

…sorry.

3

I’m one of those who finds it extremely difficult.

4

hard to FIND a date or hard to go through the weird ordeal that IS a date?

5

Hard to find one; perhaps, in part, because I’m looking for a date that will not be a weird ordeal.

6

But Try2B Comprehensive said GET a date not FIND a date. That seems like a big difference to me. I find it much harder to meet someone I’d like to date than to ask her out and go on a date once I’ve found her.

For instance, I don’t think I’ve ever been turned down for a first date. On the other hand, I’ve never thought to myself, “ugh, I just need to eat and pay for a meal with a complete stranger ASAP. I don’t care who it is!”

So I spend time on the “find a good woman to ask on a date” step, whereas the “get her to go on a date” part is no big deal.

7

I’m now married, butfor me it was extremely difficult for a very long time
– Lived and worked in too many almost exclusively male jobs and places

– Friends seemed to know few women, and I rarely met any through them

–Even joining organizations and doing volunteer work didn’t seem to help

– Joined dating services and dating clubs, and placed personal ads (and responded to them). These rarely resulted in repeat dating.

And, yes, I was trying to be open and honest and not withdrawn, not feeling entitled, or projecting desperation – all the usual criticisms. It’s always difficult to looki at yourself from the outside, but I think I was a Regular, non-psychotic guy. Pepper Mill, who’s been married to me now for almst twenty years, says she doesn’t know why I had such a difficult time

8

Being on the quiet reserved side is not so good for picking up random chicks at the bar. So I guess I do OK. I don’t have women beating down my door but most of those that I have been able to date have wanted me to stick around.

9

If I were still single, probably not hard at all. I’m in better shape than I was when I got married, dress better, present myself as less of an idiot, and can (and have) walked up to models and famous people and introduced myself without that sweaty-palm panicky thing happening. Frankly, it’s a bloody miracle I managed to snag my wife. I was such a doofus when I was in my 20s, which is when I met her.

10

I’m 51 and in a profession where I meet very few women. I rarely drink any more and was never good a picking up women in a bar anyway.

So for me, it seems kind of tough.

11

Not difficult at all. I learned a long time ago that it is not about your looks so much as it is about your personality, confidence, social skills, and sense of humor. Be the fun, enjoyable person that people want to spend time with, and they will. Add a great wing man or wing woman and you are set.

About me, I have been very happily married for nine years, and I still have women hit on me. My wife watched a woman buy me a drink when we were in Las Vegas, then smiled and laughed about it. She said she is flattered that other women buy me drinks. Why? Because I am a lively, fun guy and I am exclusive to her.

My wife is awesome.

12

I think back on my crazy single days, and I remember meeting women literally everywhere. The book store, classes, work, the neighborhood, through friends, at parties, bars, the beach, on a white water rafting trip, a snow boarding trip, in the military, party spots in Mexico, on a cruise ship (with my family!), at a gas station once, on a freeway in Hawaii at night (funny story), the receptionist at a girlfriend’s office (not a funny story), a music festival, standing in line to buy concert tickets, and many more places. Some were just dates, some were one night stands, some I spent time with. Get out there and be the fun, approachable person. Liveliness is attractive. I remember both men and women who were absolutely average looking who always had dates or booty calls. Personality wins the day.

Get out there.

13

I agree on the repeat dating thing (in my experience), but if you interpret “get a date” as “get at least one date”, then internet dating sites were an easy way to get quite a few (first) dates. For me, anyway.

14

I am 63 yrs old. I am 5’6 1/2" tall, been mostly bald since I was about 21, I have hairy arms, legs, back and chest, a bit of a pot belly. Not the ideal for most females. With the exception of the first year after my divorce I don’t think I have ever gone a week without getting laid at least once. I don’t really hit on women either, I just put myself out there and stay aware of how women are responding to me. My best friend is 6’2" well built and handsome but probably has not gotten laid by more than 4women in the past 40 years.
I have always enjoyed 1st dates but seldom care for more than 3 or 4 dates with the same person. The last few years I have been in a relationship mostly on but off about 3 months a year, I have a lot of fun in the off periods. About 50% of my dates are from on line dating sites.

15

Well, I have more education, make more money, and have better social skills than I did when I was young and obsessed with sex. If I wasn’t already married and found myself single, I suspect it would be pretty easy to get a date, especially since I don’t have ridiculous standards. I would think between dating/ hook up sites, and social activities with friends of both sexes, I would think I wouldn’t be on the market very long. Then again, I hope I don’t have to find out…

16

I’ve never gotten a date so I can tell you that it is pretty dang difficult

17

Dating was never an issue for me. I smile easily, have an open spirit, and must give off that vibe.

My issue was always that I looked younger than my age, a big drag in dating, believe me. The only older guys, who showed interest were creepy guys, and I was beating way younger men off with a stick. Trying to get the right age group interested, was always my obstacle.

If you look at a lot of the, “I can’t get a date”, threads that show up here, you’ll notice that a lot of them have in common, that the OP has some ‘issues’ but instead of facing them, is focused on projecting any difficulties or misinterpretations of intentions or actions or words, onto the dating target. It’s a very human response, of course, and understandable. But it’s hard to get them to see that the other ‘issues’ will resolve, if they can get past the projection and acknowledge it really is them! Just an observation, I notice it a lot.

18

I don’t know. I don’t really “do” the concept of dating. I’m single now (male) and, if I think a chick has the right stuff, sure I’ll ask her to do something right at that moment – go to the zoo or take a walk or have a glass of wine or something.

Is that really dating if we just hang out for a few times before doing the usual things attractive adults do when alone sometimes? I hear “dating” and I think of serial daters – the sorts who seem delusional that they are having an “active dating life” but in reality are just jumping from quick lay to quick lay. Kind of like high school kid kind of dating, before things get all serious and one “goes steady.”

Easy to “get” a date? Yeah. It helps to be confident, and also to still care about wasting time on some loser “just to see if we hit it off,” or even bothering with the whole thing. No, most girls will go out with you if you ask them, unless you seem like a tool or they have a jealous “boyfriend,” and, of course, if they like you.

19

Kind of depends on your standards, doesn’t it?

20

When I was single there weren’t so many “dinner & a movie” type dates, but a whole lot of “Let’s go to the museum and see the ____ display.” And “Do you like to bowl?” And “Yeah, I’m working for such-and-such candidate, too,” which would lead to group coffee after and eventual one-on-one time.
It didn’t hurt that I’m a dancing fool and like to drink. One of my favorite “Likes” on Facebook is My Inner Child is a Drunken Whore.