I was going for German.
Individual 1, who wasn’t invited to the Queen’s funeral, says if he’d been there, he would have gotten a better seat than Biden.
God! I can imagine what he was like in school. “My seats farther up, teacher likes me more.”
“…Get to know the leaders of certain Third World countries”—gotta get that racism in there!
(He’s still got it!!!)
“I had to seat that spoiled little shithead where I could keep an eye on him.”
I didn’t think that Greg Abbott was invited.
The formerly orange manchild likely would have tried to sit in front of her casket.
The bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral.
Heh.
(You could probably have added the current Governor of Mississippi and received no argument.)
At least.
If he possessed the physical dexterity, he probably would have tried to leap up and sit right on it.
You reminded me of a post I made three years ago regarding the tan in a can braggart:
There’s definitely a non-zero chance that Tan the Conman would have made some asinine remark insulting the Queen.
This video has popped up again-- the time Doofus Donald walked in front of the queen. If he had been at the funeral, he probably would have tried to grab the crown and try it on.
When you’re a star, they let you do it.
Stay classy, Mr. Twice-Impeached Former President. 
And he’d have been driven there in the golden carriage they had him in when he did go there as president, too, so there!
Based on his childish behavior over the funeral and the theft of classified documents, let’s make it thrice. Or is it trice?
I’m sure the planners took great pains and followed some protocol in how the guests were seated. Even the worst seat in the house was a great honor. Only the most boorish would think to complain about their seat assignment.
That tracks.
He got stuck half-way to turning into a pumpkin.
I see what you did there. 
“Funeral? What’s important is I’M here to pay MY respects. Be sure to print that.”
“That will be in the next book I write when I’M reinstated as President.”
“We’ll dig her up and redo the whole ceremony.”
“If I’d been rightly enshrined as President, She wouldn’t have died. I’d have authorized my special, not at all experimental, super cure. All the doctors insist I’M a genius; with a tear in their eye.”
Nah, more like “you know, she told me she was going to name ME her heir”